To work 12 hours a day for 3 years with 3 Dcs under 6?

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I have 3 Dcs 5 and under. I have a very stressful job which involves long hours, averaging about 12 hours a day but sometimes longer. I am a pretty laid back person so can cope with the stress but am very into my kids so I am sad not to spend more time with them. But if I carry on with my job for next 3 years I am fortunate enough that I will be able to save enough to privately educate my children up to end of primary. But is it worth it?

No

Yes

thats up to you.

Yes. Your time with them is the most valuable thing you can give them.

No, do you see them awake? My dd slept 12 hours a day at that age (infact she still does!!) so when do you see them?

It doesn't seem like a very good balence and you don't get this time back when they are little. I can categorically say your kids will not thankyou for it, private education or not!!

Massive at the first 3 posts.

Think that's a fair summary of the responses you'll get!

The question is is it worth it To You?

No.

No

Not sure if people are answering AIBU or is it worth it?
AIBU - yes
Is it worth it - No

what's the alternative?
I'm a sahm, we've remortgaged to privately educate our 3 dc's!

Private education to the end of primary school is not enough to compensate, I don't think.

I expected you to say you could retire. That would have been worth it.

Up to you isn't it?

Where is their other parent and what are they doing?

I see them in the mornings for an hour or so and they go to bed late so have half an hour with them in the evenings and put them to bed most nights. Also never work at weekends and devote all my time when not at work to them. Am not so worried if I lose out really - just want to do the best I can for them. I wonder whether they will remember me not being around much if I stop in 3 years?

Unless you're in an area where the primary schools are truly beyond the pale then no, I wouldn't have thought it would be worth it. Why are you so bothered about privately educating at primary level? Your children won't thank you for it later on and you'll miss out on a lot - will you even see them apart from at weekends? It's putting a lot on your partner, too; are they happy about you leaving all the child-rearing to them and never being around to help?

My mum had private education during primary then had to go to state school for secondary.

She hated it... The kids at secondary teased her mercilessly for being 'posh'

Also... Does a private primary education give them enough of an advantage to compensate for never seeing them?

Personally (and in an ideal situation), I'd work fewer hours, save for longer and give them a private secondary education.

But that's just me :-)

YANBU for wanting the best for your children.

No, they won't care whether you are there or not provided their needs are being met.

I'll always vote for education over anything else.

Other parent works full time too but he is back home by 6.30 every night.

How do you know you will stop in 3 years - what about their secondary education? why do private for primary then state for secondary? When you get there you may well want them to go private for secondary school - what then?

I would base your decision on whether you are happy now - not on some hypothetical future

It's unlikely the eldesst will be able to continue going to bed late as her education (private or otherwise) will suffer.
However, if you think it's worth it, no argument to the contrary will sway you.

But I wouldn't do it.

HollyBerryBush
No, they won't care whether you are there or not provided their needs are being met.

Surely, one of their needs is to see/spend time with their parents, no?

And OP, what care do they have? Nanny? Nursery? CM?

Im guessing from your post that you want to give you kids the best possible academic outcomes.

Recent research (FWIW) has shown that the home environment is three time more important than school as a predictor of academic success. RIch kids who go to private schools but with little parental involment do worse than normal kids who go to state schools but have parental input.

The question you need to answer is that if you go to work for the next 3 years for 12 hours a day - who will provide them with that input at home. If your husband can do it or an excellent nanny can, then perhaps it is worth it. If not, then you need to be around.

Good luck with your choice - really hard one I know.

Why ask if YABU when you are "not so worried" about it.

Guess it depends on your definition of "the best for them" and you are the person who makes that decision so other peoples' opinions really don't matter.

FWIW I have always managed to work part-time, when DCs were young I worked 3 long days a week, once at school did short days so could drop off and pick up but my job allowed that. With hindsight, I loved my time with them when they were little but being clean, fed and safe was maybe more important to them than having me there. The years I felt they needed me most was the senior school years, when many mothers had returned to longer hours thinking their DCs needed less looking after. The drive home from school was when I heard about their day, worries, etc. On the odd days I worked till later they'd be watching telly or on the computer and I would just get a grunt from them!

I think you'd be better off saving for private secondary education, rather than the other way round. But otherwise, if you have the opportunity to put in the hours for a few years now and make enough to put your family in a strong financial position - I would jump at the chance.

I am guessing most people (rightly or not) are assuming you're the mum. Because lots of fathers work long hours (and for a lot longer than 3 years!), and it's rarely seen as anything other than being a good dad and providing well for the family.