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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other half's tongue has run away with him!

58 replies

Piercy · 29/12/2012 17:45

Hi

My other half has a son by a previous relationship who will be 19 in a few days time. Today my OH has told SS that he will tell him when labour has started so he can be outside the room.

This is NOT what we discussed we discussed that SS may stay at the home after baby is brought home (SS lives with his mum) depending on what happens but he would be the only one to come and stay.

I've said I don't want SS to be at the hospital more than welcome to come after I've stopped yelling, cleaned myself up and had a little time with just the 3 of us - OH thinks I'm not thinking of 'family' how do I convince him (i just have that scene from only Fools and Horses in my head where Rachelle gave birth)

Help me

Piercey

OP posts:
Fairyegg · 29/12/2012 17:49

Would stepson even want to be waiting outside the labour room? Reminds me of that episode of obem when that women had her elder son as a birth partner who just sniggered throughout it, along with her dh. Your birth, your rules. Besides in my experience the corridors outside the labour rooms aren't a waiting room. Tell him he can come at visiting hours if you feel up to it.

AlmostAHipster · 29/12/2012 17:52

Why on earth would a grown man want to be stood outside the room where his stepmother is giving birth??

Bonkers!

SantasHoHoHo · 29/12/2012 17:52

This should be a special and intimate time for you and your partner. I understand your partner thinks the world of his son and wants him involved but there will plenty of 'family time' to share when you get home.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 29/12/2012 17:54

You don't have to think of 'family' when you are in labour, it's simply not necessary. As the person in labour, you need to be your own priority. It would be nice if you were also your DH's priority but if he won't prioritise you then the staff on the labour ward can make sure your dss doesn't come onto the ward, should he be thick skinned enough to attempt to.

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2012 17:55

Even if he was the son of both of you, you stll wouldn't have him hanging about outside the labour ward - no-one has any idea how long your labour will be!

Barmy!

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 29/12/2012 17:55

You don't have to 'convince' him, you have to tell him. You're the one giving birth, so you get to decide who's there. Tell dh that he needs to tell ss differently, and if he doesn't, you will have the nurses tell ss to go home, along with dh if he doesn't start listening to what you want.

What kind of arse tries to make a woman have people she doesn't want there when she's giving birth?!

cory · 29/12/2012 17:56

Ime full siblings don't get to sit outside in the waiting room either so this is nothing to do with you not counting him as family. Hospital waiting rooms are uncomfortable places with little seating and the sound of strange women screaming- add to this that you may be in labour for 48 hours or more, and he'd be an awful lot better off waiting anywhere else. 19yos haven't necessarily thought through the implications of labour: make it clear to him that you will be very happy to see him with the new baby but that you couldn't dream of him sacrificing himself for the family in this way.

MerylStrop · 29/12/2012 17:58

Your baby will be his half sibling.
No he shouldn't be hanging around the labour ward, but why not suggest that you will ring him once your LO is safely delivered and he can come to meet him at the hospital?

MerylStrop · 29/12/2012 18:00

TBH in my experience, hangers-on ar given short shrift at the labour ward.

In fact at our local they only let Mother to be plus one or two nominated birth companions.

RubyrooUK · 29/12/2012 18:00

I think it would be fine for your stepson to visit the hospital after the baby is born (later that day or next day). That would give you special time with the new baby and also a chance to share it with your baby's brother.

Him standing outside the labour ward sounds a bit stressful for everyone!

I guess the issue is that your SS is still your partner's baby as much as the new one. I know that I am already excited at the thought of my first son meeting his brother and I'd feel the same if he was 40.

So I'd say to your partner that you'll call as soon as the baby is born and arrange for SS to meet them. That way everyone is involved but not too involved.

Isityouorme · 29/12/2012 18:01

Why the hell would a 19 year old be wanting to wait at the hospital? How bizarre! A call when you've had the baby is fine. Your oh ibu.

thebody · 29/12/2012 18:03

Good grief of course a 18 year old doesn't want to hang around while you give birth... Never heard if such crap. He is probably excrushiatingly embarrassed by the thought and doesn't know how to tell your oh.

You tell him to go out with mates as a normal teen would and when you are ready to see him then he can visit and have a great excuse to go out with mates and wet the babies head.

Your oh must be mad to have suggested this.

Reassure your ss that you at least are sane.

QuickLookBusy · 29/12/2012 18:07

I expect your poor SS is beside himself, he'll be thinking "omg how do I tell my Dad I don't want to be at the hospital?"

Tell your Dh to put his son out of his misery -soon Grin

ChasedByBees · 29/12/2012 18:09

Agree with everyone else. IME (which wasn't the best) I'd had an epidural and a 2 day labour and in the recovery area where I went post labour, I had to have midwives fit compressive stockings and a new maternity pad as I was so out of it I was bleeding everywhere. Would your SS want to be part of scenes like that??

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 18:10

Um...you don't have to think of family when giving birth surely?

Would he want to be there anyway? Really?

It's nothing to do with the fact he is your stepson,it doesn't sound like you would want anybody else there!

Your OH is being a bit silly.

cees · 29/12/2012 18:14

Your oh is being very unreasonable. People just don't need to do that, it wouldn't matter if he were both your child, their is no need to sit outside the room waiting.

He can wait a couple of hours for you, oh and new baby to have some bonding time before he visits. I doubt he would want to be their til after anyways.

RubyrooUK · 29/12/2012 18:15

Hahaha, thebody has put it perfectly! Grin

Floggingmolly · 29/12/2012 18:18

How bizarre! If he was your own (as a couple) 19 year old, you wouldn't dream of having him stationed outside the door, would you? Any more than the poor bugger would want to be there! What on earth is he thinking?

Loveweekends10 · 29/12/2012 18:24

Yuk. For both of you.

ReinDearPrudence · 29/12/2012 18:25

I'll be amazed if anyone thinks the stepson should be there - or would want to be there. It's utterly bonkers. You can make him feel special and included without that.

Original poster
Piercy · 29/12/2012 18:30

Hi

its was so nice to read your posts as I thought i was clearly out of my mind with hormones!

SS wants to be there! Can you believe it waiting for when he can come in!!! We've had the conversation, (well it was sprung on me) I even said SS has a job he can't just leave - apparently that doesn't matter I'm more important and so is his baby brother or sister.

I love the fact he is excited and he wants to buy clothes etc - when SS has gone I will explain to OH it isn't happening! :0)

This is my 1st baby so I have no idea what state I'm going to be in after labour so thank you chasedbybees for the useful information!!

Piercey

OP posts:
HecateQueenofWitches · 29/12/2012 18:38

Why don't you tell your stepson exactly what state you will be in immediately after the birth. I'm thinking no 19 year old is going to want to be within 5 miles of that Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 18:40

Your stepson sounds absolutely lovely and rather excited but just gently tell him no,you will call him once the baby is born. Explain he could be there a very long time waiting.

Softlysoftly · 29/12/2012 18:42

I take it your DH wasn't there for his SS birth? Or has a short memory?

Plus the Lads 19 not 4, he's not going to get new sibling jealousy if you say "when all The screaming, puking, bleeding bits done we will call you 'k? Now here's £20 off to the pub with you".

financialwizard · 29/12/2012 18:44

I can't think of anything worse than being completely knackered and sore from stitches and what not with my 19 year old child seeing the carnage!

I suppose it might put him off procreating, but screw that. Is it worth calling the hospital and asking their policy on how many people are allowed in with you and hope to hell the answer is 1