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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re sleepover?

55 replies

PumpkinPorridge · 01/11/2012 17:21

DD went to her friend's 11th birthday sleepover last night. The general consensus that they didn't sleep till 3am.

my dd was desperate to get to sleep before then but was unable to due to the general commotion going on (i just know that she was not one of the late over excitable ones, as it's just not what she's like).

anyway, today was the only day that we had to spend as a family this half term do do a nice day trip. It was totally ruined by dd's inability to cope with doing anything as she was so exhausted.

AIBU to expect the parents to enforce quiet before this time? I expected her to be a bit tired, but have never experienced post sleepover exhaustion to this degree.

AIBU to expect that you shouldnt return people's DC in such a state?? I just wouldnt dream of it as it impacts on everyone's day and i think it's unfair.

OP posts:
hlipop · 01/11/2012 17:27

this is kind of how 11yr old sleepovers go - the parents probably just left them to it with dvd's etc, maybe as soon as she got in she should have gone for a couple hours nap? what do you suggest the parents did? "yes i know your all having a really brilliant time but some of your parents might want to spend time with you tomorrow"?

ruddynorah · 01/11/2012 17:28

More fool you for planning your one day out for the day after a sleepover!

conorsrockers · 01/11/2012 17:29

Er ... my first thought was 'why did you arrange a family day out the day after one of your DC had been for, what was destined to be, a hectic sleepover?Grin
DS1 (9) was at a party sleepover a few weeks ago and they were asleep by 12. Just. I was impressed Hmm!

nokidshere · 01/11/2012 17:29

My oldest had a freind round for a sleepover last night. I sent them to bed at midnight (they are 14) and at 1am I got a series of texts asking me if they could come back down and play on the x-box because they couldn't get to sleep Grin I said no but that didn't make them go to sleep - only the threat (at 2:15am) of being banned from the x-box today made them settle down for the night! They were up already when I woke at 8 this morning!!!

If we are doing sleepovers, or if my boys are going to one, I always let the parent know if we have something planned the next day and they "try" and get them settled quicker. But YABU - a sleepover is never going to be quiet and lights out at 10 and if you had something special planned it might have been better to collect her at 11ish and let her sleep at home.

NittyNuttyNoo · 01/11/2012 17:29

I never got any sleep at sleepovers when I was younger even if parents did tell us to be quiet and go to sleep. Half the fun was in staying up really late. YABU

muppet1969 · 01/11/2012 17:30

YABU - it was a birthday sleepover with a group of 11 year old girls. What did you expect.....??? That they would all settle down at 10 o'clock?! Also, the parents of the girl giving the party cannot possibly be expected to know what your half term time table is. My daughter went through a phase of needing sleep at around this age so often chose not to stay for the sleepover. Your daughter could have had that option. You can't blame children for staying up and getting over excited at a birthday sleepover. I'm guessing she's your oldest? There's YEARS more of it to come!! AND they slap a lot less at 15, like NOT AT ALL!!!

WilsonFrickett · 01/11/2012 17:30

Ruddy is brief, yet fair Grin.

It was an 11 yo sleepover in the holidays, I'm really surprised you expected anything else tbh.

halloweeneyqueeney · 01/11/2012 17:31

what did you expect? don't you remember teen sleep overs

if you have a magic formula as to how a parent can stop girls FREAKING each other the hell out all night with ghost stories so that they don't sleep, or stop them from giggling all night without providing them with their own room each? turning the light out doesn't work BTW

scentednappyhag · 01/11/2012 17:31

I think YAB a tad sensitive. She hadn't been returned 'in a state', she's tired after a sleepover.
I'm sorry your day didn't go as planned though Sad

muppet1969 · 01/11/2012 17:31

Sleep alot less, not slap, obviously!!

Original poster
PumpkinPorridge · 01/11/2012 17:32

actually, i didnt plan it that way, it was just circumstances. it would be quite odd for my dh to change his day off in the light of dd getting invited to a sleep over!

sure , i knew they'd have a late night, but i felt that was excessive.

um... i suggest that the parents might have told them to be quiet as it was time to sleep.

OP posts:
MyLastDuchess · 01/11/2012 17:33

It's been a while since I was 11 but even back then in the dark ages the idea was that you didn't sleep much at slumber parties and were knackered the next day! Pretty harmless fun as these things go.

halloweeneyqueeney · 01/11/2012 17:34

"um... i suggest that the parents might have told them to be quiet as it was time to sleep."
PMSL

ruddynorah · 01/11/2012 17:35

The point of a sleepover isn't really to sleep though is it? It's to chat, giggle, snack etc.

halloweeneyqueeney · 01/11/2012 17:35

BTW "in a state" from a sleep over would be IMO scared, bullied, cold or hungry. Not tired.

NatashaBee · 01/11/2012 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hlipop · 01/11/2012 17:36

"um... i suggest that the parents might have told them to be quiet as it was time to sleep." yes i can just imagine that - how embaressed would you have been if your parents had done this too you at your 11th sleepover??

nahla321 · 01/11/2012 17:37

I think it is to be expected, 3am is good compared to sleepovers I went to when I was around that age! We used to try and do 'allnighters' which were the in thing at the time. If she is not used to it then unfortunately she will feel like that. Send her to bed early and she should be fine.

vampirestakeknickers · 01/11/2012 17:37

YABU. Unless you had specifically spoken to the parents about wanting an awake child the next day, you should have expected them to be wildly excited most of the night and fit for nothing but a sofa the next day.

Mine wanted to sleep over at a Halloween shindig last night, but they were due to spend the day out today, and they accepted that it wasn't going to happen for them, even though all the others were going to stay over.

Original poster
PumpkinPorridge · 01/11/2012 17:38

i knew it would be a late night, honest! but was thinking it wouldnt be THAT late. i know, i know what sleepovers can be like but was thinking it would be more like midnight. dd actually said she wished she'd just stayed for the party bit and come home.

my mum is just out of hospital, most of the week has revolved around helping/ visiting her. i just wanted one nice day together so am probably less tolerant than usual.

OP posts:
TinyDancingHoofer · 01/11/2012 17:38

YABU! No bedtimes at sleepovers.

campocaro · 01/11/2012 17:38

I had one recently and it was really difficult to get everyone to sleep-finally did it at 2am, patrolling the corridor outside their room like a boarding school matron!...YABU to arrange something important the day after-I always expect DD to be exhausted after a birthday sleep over and I am relieved that they don't happen why they don't happen too often...

inkyfingers · 01/11/2012 17:39

Big party sleepovers are a nightmare - for everyone as far as I'm concerned. I hate them unless they are well-organised, like any party people might have. Why is it ok to get a load of excitable kids round. Give them tons of food, a stack of DVDs and assume its going to be fun. The films might not even be age-appropriate (my DS went to one where they def weren't). 'Ooh they had a great time, on the Xbox at 5am, such energy!' 'No, you were lazy and negligent, and my kids won't be coming again' rant not over yet.... Another friend had sleepovers with party type activities, fun and whispering etc until late, then told in no uncertain terms that it was lights out, be quiet or I'm dropping you home. Kids had enough sleep to function next day and parents sane.
Rant officially over.

Cluffyfunt · 01/11/2012 17:39

Sounds like a normal 11yr olds sleep over to me.

Over tired children are difficult so you do have my sympathys but yabu

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda · 01/11/2012 17:40

Sorry but YABU and a bit of party pooper.