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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get my ds a drum kit even though we are mid terrace?

53 replies

3monkeys3 · 31/10/2012 21:11

My ds would really like a drum kit and we are happy for him to have one. It has only just occurred to me that our neighbours may not be very happy about it - we live in a newish build mid terrace house. One one side we have a friendly, single guy in his 30's who is hardly ever there and is very good with our dc - on the other side we have a grumpy, retired man who is there all the time and is not good with the dc! Obviously we would monitor how much and when he played his drum kit, but I am certain that our neighbour would hear it when he does. The retired guy actually makes quite a bit of noise himself (drilling, loud tv, loud music), though I'm sure we do as well. We are civil, but it is quite obvious he doesn't exactly like living next door to a family with young dc (when he moved in it was just dh and I and just a young couple on his other side too - since then we've had 3dc and his other neighbour has had 2dc) - he has had a big parking wars thing with the neighbours on the other side (who we are good friends with) and has broken off a bit of our lovely tree because it was growing over his side a bit (obviously realise he is within his rights to do this - just wish he had asked us as he's done it really badly and we would have sorted it out properly for him). So, all in all not too bad a relationship, but not great either with a few small neighbourly niggles - I don't want to cause a problem, but I also don't want to deprive my ds! What do you reckon?

OP posts:

redlac · 31/10/2012 21:13

Why not get him an electric drum kit which he can plug earphones into and all you'll hear is the tapping?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 31/10/2012 21:16

Hmmm...I love drums, but they are very loud, and your next door neighbour will hear everything. When I learnt I was advised to practise twice a day, so it's not like it won't be often, either.

If you buy a proper drum kit you can usually get silencers that stop the drums from actually making any noise, but these tend to only be available for high-end drums, and he might struggle to learn how to play if he can't hear the actual noise. It's an option, though.

We get a lot of noise from next door at the moment, and while it's not drums, it's really soured the relationship we have with them. It's hard not to get annoyed when everything they do you can hear, and they have a knack for starting doing something loud when I've got a headache...

Anyway, it's up to you at the end of the day. Could DS take lessons at school to get a feel for them and see how he does, and then use silencers in the house? Most students don't start drum lessons with their own kit, so it won't be unusual.

Remember that if you do get them, they are classed as a big cause of noise pollution - so try to keep both neighbours sweet so they don't get environmental health round!

SofaKing · 31/10/2012 21:17

I wouldn't. My sister's ds got a drum it as his school were insistent he was talented and needed to practise at home.

Her neighbour used to knock on the door regularly and tell him to stop, he barely got a chance to do half the practise the school recommends and didn't enjoy it. My sister could have refused to stop him but she didn't want to fall out with her neighbour.

Redlac's idea is excellent.

bureni · 31/10/2012 21:21

as Redlac says, get an electric drum kit, they can be amplifed for practical use if necessary but the bonus is the headphones plus they are easy to pack away and store as well as transport. Yamaha do a good range at very good prices.

lovebunny · 31/10/2012 21:26

don't do it. you could start a war that will last for decades.

Celestialcloud · 31/10/2012 21:30

We live in an old mid terrace and my husband has an electronic drumkit. He plays it wearing headphones and its ideal for keeping the neighbours happy. You can hear the tapping when he's playing so he limits it to sociable hours but there are tons of settings for the headphones which would allow your son to try different styles. Also, it can be hooked upto an amp so if your son wanted to use the kit in a band that would be an option.

VivaLeBeaver · 31/10/2012 21:30

Yabu if you do it.

Dd wanted a drum kit and I'd have never let her have an acoustic one as we're in a semi even though our living room isn't against the other house. Its anti social.

I got dd an electric drum kit , a second hand one. Loads of advantages, I can't hear it, neighbours can't hear it, she can plug in the iPod and play along to songs, there are various tunes, beats in the drum computer she can play to, it takes up less room. A lot less room! Proper drum kits are massive.

If you do get a proper kit I think you can get deadening pads to put on the top?? Not sure but rings a bell.

SirBoobAlot · 31/10/2012 21:39

Electric drum kits are fantastic.

My teenage brother has just got a drum kit... So glad I don't live there any more!

gwenniebee · 31/10/2012 21:40

I live end terrace and next door's dogs bark lots. That drives me mad. A drum kit..... oh my life, I'd be fuming.

MainlyMaynie · 31/10/2012 21:44

I had some neighbours who bought their son a drum kit. We moved years ago, partly because of the fucking drums. I hate those people, I used to feel really, really angry towards them.

maddening · 31/10/2012 21:47

Get him a detached house with a drum kit?

Otherwise the earphones sound a good plan on the understanding that he only use it with earphones.

You would be v unreasonable to get a drum kit in a terraced house unless you plan to soundproof accordingly.

SoleSource · 31/10/2012 21:49

Yabu terraced houses are not dedigned for that. I would be fucking raging.

Mrsjay · 31/10/2012 21:52

Why not get him an electric drum kit which he can plug earphones into and all you'll hear is the tapping?

this DD plays electric guitar but she plugs her earphones in we live in a flat so sound does travel ,

FrenchRuby · 31/10/2012 21:58

If you do get a proper kit I think you can get deadening pads to put on the top

You can, but it's still very very loud. My friend plays drums and he took them to my other friends house and put the pads on, my ears were still ringing hours later!

Original poster

3monkeys3 · 31/10/2012 21:59

I hadn't thought of the electric option - definitely something to think about. He is still quite little - I just thought it would be fun for him - neighbours suddenly occurred to me today, hence the post!

OP posts:

TwitchyTail · 31/10/2012 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra · 31/10/2012 22:05

A child in a neighbouring block of flats about 50 yards away has a drum kit and it drives me insane - especially in the holidays when he's playing all bloody day! If you were to have one in a terraced house I think your neighbour would be justified in being furious. It's totally antisocial, especially given that there are much quieter options these days. YABVVVVU.

Original poster

3monkeys3 · 31/10/2012 22:12

I am not actually very very very very unreasonable until I purchase the drum kit though, am I? I am considering my neighbours - I'd have just bought it and not bothered to ask what anyone thinks if I wasn't.

OP posts:

bureni · 31/10/2012 22:19

3monkey, have a look for a secondhand electric drum kit, there a loads on ebay and gumtree. Let him try it and if he gets bored then sell it on for cost price, in the meantime you have not upset your neighbours or been out of pocket. Have you already bought the acoustic set of drums?

thecatsminion · 31/10/2012 22:55

We live in a flat and I stay next door to a drummer. We have a 5mo DS so are reasonably noise-conscious.

The drums are irritating, but they are liveable with as the drummer's mum shouts at him to stop if he goes on past 9pm. Much worse was when drum boy or one of his siblings took up bass guitar and started murdering "Smoke on the Water" - with no rhythm and getting the notes off. I turned our stereo on loudly and they took the hint and have never done it again.

I think it's not unreasonable if your DS is in secondary school, is studying the drums, the timings are tightly controlled and he practices at school too, so the neighbours are spared the worst of him getting the hang of the basics.

If he's little and it's going to be more of a bashing something in a mostly unstructured way to make a noise, then YABU (and another suggestion would be to get a keyboard, as then he can learn about notes etc, and use headphones).

ScabbyColdCrustyCatPuss · 31/10/2012 23:01

Of course YWBU! Why do you even need to ask?

KittyFane1 · 01/11/2012 01:17

YABU to even consider it.
I couldn't stand it if my neighbour did this.
An electric drum kit and headphones is the way to go.

whois · 01/11/2012 01:23

YABU

Get him electronic plus headphones.

Since I moved out of my parents detached house into a mid terrace and now a flat, I've not felt it was appropriate to continue to play my rather large and loud brass instrument.

I just don't think it would be acceptable to completely intrude on the lives of my neighbours via a loud noise for 20 or 30 mins a day. Especially with practicing, it doesn't really sound good. All that repetition and going wrong.

wishiwasonholiday · 01/11/2012 01:26

Dp has an electric set but the foot pedal is still really noisy, our next door neighbour came round and asked if we knew why her house felt like it was shaking! We are in a new build too, it's still got to be quieter than a normal set though. Dp's are now out in the summerhouse!

deleted203 · 01/11/2012 01:29

YABU. Sorry. But I like kids, and don't generally mind a bit of noise. However, the idea of your DS who is 'quite little' and would find a drum kit 'fun' has me wincing at the very idea of it. And feeling deeply, deeply sorry for a retired man who is at home all day being driven insane by a small child drumming next door. You just can't do that in a terrace house, I'm afraid.

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