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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get my ds a drum kit even though we are mid terrace?

53 replies

3monkeys3 · 31/10/2012 21:11

My ds would really like a drum kit and we are happy for him to have one. It has only just occurred to me that our neighbours may not be very happy about it - we live in a newish build mid terrace house. One one side we have a friendly, single guy in his 30's who is hardly ever there and is very good with our dc - on the other side we have a grumpy, retired man who is there all the time and is not good with the dc! Obviously we would monitor how much and when he played his drum kit, but I am certain that our neighbour would hear it when he does. The retired guy actually makes quite a bit of noise himself (drilling, loud tv, loud music), though I'm sure we do as well. We are civil, but it is quite obvious he doesn't exactly like living next door to a family with young dc (when he moved in it was just dh and I and just a young couple on his other side too - since then we've had 3dc and his other neighbour has had 2dc) - he has had a big parking wars thing with the neighbours on the other side (who we are good friends with) and has broken off a bit of our lovely tree because it was growing over his side a bit (obviously realise he is within his rights to do this - just wish he had asked us as he's done it really badly and we would have sorted it out properly for him). So, all in all not too bad a relationship, but not great either with a few small neighbourly niggles - I don't want to cause a problem, but I also don't want to deprive my ds! What do you reckon?

OP posts:
Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 08:25

No, I have not bought the drums yet - the ones I was thinking of were a mini set (though I am sure still capable of making a racket) from John Lewis, designed for little people. I know it sounds awful, but I only really bought of the neighbour issue yesterday and posted in a bit of a panic. Obviously, having thought about it, I know we can't get them. It's a shame for ds as I know he'd love them, but he is only little (4) and can wait a while until we live somewhere more appropriate. It would have just been a bit of fun for him, rather than properly learning, at this stage anyway.

OP posts:
HecatePhosphoros · 01/11/2012 08:26

Oh god yes you would be Grin very glad that you've decided against it.

Your neighbours would HATE you!

StuntNun · 01/11/2012 08:30

YANBU at all. He's 4, how much is he actually going to play it? It will just be another toy for him and I assume he'll only be using it during the day. It would be different if you were buying a twelve year old a full size drum kit. Why not get him to try it out in the shop and see how much noise it actually makes?

Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 08:41

Just a thought - could I get him the brushes instead of drumsticks? Anyone who knows about drums - do they make much difference? I seem to remember that they do, but it years since I've been anywhere near a drum kit!

OP posts:
carabos · 01/11/2012 08:44

My NDN is "playing" the drums right now. Mid terrace house. He played almost all day yesterday (don't know where he gets the strength).

As its half term, his drumming is supported by his DSs shrieking along with it and his hysterical DW screaming for quiet. This sets the three dogs off barking.

I work from home, but I don't complain because I don't want a load of abuse or a smack in the mouth.

When DS2 was doing A level music, and grade exams he practised the saxophone for 30 min every day at teatime in the study. Study wall partitions with other NDN who is stone deaf. However, if drumming NDN heard as much as one note, he was round to complain.

Terrace houses are noisy, but you just have to act reasonably. A drum kit isn't unreasonable, just limit the practice time to half an hour and do it at a time that is least intrusive.

Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 08:56

Maybe I should speak to them about it first? I think the guy on one side would be fine - he is lots of fun and not around much at all during daytime hours, apart from at the weekend, when we are usually out all day. It's the retired guy on the other side - as I said in my op, he is a bit of stickler for all the usual neighbourly niggles (car parking, tree - he stands and watches dh when he gets his shears out to trim the bushes in our front garden - sounds like a euphemism Grin - as he is worried that he'll damage his precious car), so I can't imagine he'll be very happy.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 01/11/2012 09:01

the retired man will have a real problem with it I'd imagine. He'll be at home, especially in winter.

These electric drumkits with headphones, don't they damage hearing? Well drums generally I suppose, isn't that a worry?

samandi · 01/11/2012 09:03

Noise pollution is a huge form of stress for many people, and contributing towards it when you know you have an elderly neighbour at home all day is beyond inconsiderate really.

noddyholder · 01/11/2012 09:04

My dp is a drummer and has taught in a terraced house and it is very noisy. Electronic drums are excellent now but you don't get the feel you get with 'real' drums. I was never tempted to have a go on them like the acoustics. I think if you stick to set times there is not much the neighbours can do but they will complain.

NoTeaForMe · 01/11/2012 09:07

At 4 you surely aren't talking about a real drum kit are you?!

Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 09:12

He is not elderly btw - in his 60's - I described him as retired to show that he was at home a lot. I think he must have taken early retirement (my dad is 63 and has already been retired 6 years - no way is he elderly).

I think we probably can't get them, which is a shame, but I really don't want to fall out with my neighbours. I hadn't thought about the hearing issue, but I guess he could have ear protectors when the time comes (if he still wants them then!).

OP posts:
Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 09:14

noteaforme - No - it's a mini drum kit:

www.johnlewis.com/231303502/Product.aspx

I'm sure it's still pretty noisy though!

OP posts:
Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 09:14

Sorry link again

www.johnlewis.com/231303502/Product.aspx

OP posts:
BraaaaaainsButterfield · 01/11/2012 09:19

Yabu - someone in my neighbourhood has a drum kit and you can hear it all across the back gardens when they play. Note I say "someone" as I know it's not one of our immediate neighbours. It doesn't bother me as it's only ever in the middle of the day but I don't know how the people next door feel.

noddyholder · 01/11/2012 09:22

My dp gave up teaching as it was too loud!( and he got irritated with all the 'wacky' women wanting to learn with their kids)

BionicEmu · 01/11/2012 09:27

I play drums, and just wanted to say don't do it!

I live in an old detached stone farmhouse, and you can hear my drums a hundred yards away, so I would dread to think of the noise to somebody you share a party wall with, especially in a newer terrace where I believe the walls might not be as solid anyway?

Also, I bought my 2 year-old DS a small kit very similar to the one you've linked to, and he's bloody loud with that too. It's lovely for us though as DH plays guitar and bass, and I play piano and drums so with DS on his drums we have a lovely time Grin DS has zero concept of volume control though, we even bought him some ear-plug thingies because those small kits get very loud. Oh, and I don't think brushes will really help.

My advice would be to wait and if he shows an interest in a year or 2 then get an electronic one.

Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 09:42

Of course you are all right. I am a bit sad about it though. Now wondering how much I pissed our neighbours off with my piano and saxophone when I was a kid Grin. I used to like loud music.

OP posts:
Original poster
3monkeys3 · 01/11/2012 09:44

I suppose, because the noise wouldn't bother me I didn't really think about anyone else when I was concocting the idea. We do have a detached garage that I could make into a bit of a music room (we access through our garden), but that is next to houses as well, so not really a solution.

OP posts:
shinyblackgrape · 01/11/2012 09:48

OMG. the fact that the description on the John Lewis links starts "If your kids love to make a noise....." gives me the shudders. They are going to be noisy!

OP - you would be very unreasonable to get this drum kit. I live in a semi-detached and would be horrified if my neighbour did this. The likelihood is that a 4 year old is not going to sit down and practice for half an hour at a reasonable time and then stop. Instead, he'll be grabbing the drumsticks and randomly bashing them all day. My nerves are in shreds already thinking about it. They're a toy to him, not a musical instrument.

I wouldn't ask your neighbours what they think - that just puts them in an awkward position. Just work on the basis that a drum set for a 4 year old is not a suitable toy for a terraced house. I know it's a shame as I'm sure he woukd love them but there are lots of toys that aren't suitable and practical. However, thankfully there are plenty that are.

shinyblackgrape · 01/11/2012 09:49

Maybe if yiu soundproofed the garage. Is that an option?

Coconutty · 01/11/2012 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryZcary · 01/11/2012 10:01

When I was child there was a house at the end of our garden with four teenage boys and a drumkit. It was probably about 500 yards away, but we could hear it all the time, inside our house and especially in the garden. It drove us mad.

I can't imagine how awful it would be to live next door to one. So I won't let ds have one, even though our house is detached.

Friends of dd's have built a soundproof garden shed for their son who plays drums in a teenage band. Personally, I think this is the only civilised way to have drums in a town.

ScabbyColdCrustyCatPuss · 01/11/2012 10:04

As the parent of a 4yo who got given mini drums for Christmas, YAstillBU! You live MID TERRACE.

ZZZenAgain · 01/11/2012 10:14

maybe when he is older, sound-proofing the garage and getting an electronic drumkit with headphones would work. I think sitting out in the garage by himself would be a bit lonely for a 4 year old.

From what you say in your OP about this man and the problems he has had with his neighbours, I do think it is unrealistic to assume he will be ok about the drums I'm afraid.

Could you go into a shop (without ds) and try the drums for yourself to get an idea of how loud they are and get some advice about sound-proofing. Maybe you can keep the idea at the back of your mind but for now I think you would just get a lot of stress with this. What about a keyboard to play around on? He can try out the sound of different instruments on it and you can adjust the volume.

valiumredhead · 01/11/2012 10:20

Why not get him an electric drum kit which he can plug earphones into and all you'll hear is the tapping?

digital drum kits are fab - ds has one but be aware that it really is more than just tapping - it os still very loud still. He couldn't have the kit in his bedroom as the bass pedal was SOOOOOO loud it shook the house, so it's downstairs now. We still have to limit the times he practises so he doesn't disturb are extremely tolerant neighbours.

There is no way that anyone should have a proper drum kit unless they are in a soundproofed room or live in a detached house, it's just not fair.