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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not really AIBU but what would you have done?

69 replies

FadingAwayToAHippo · 28/10/2012 00:17

There was a situation at my local slimming class and its been bugging me all day so what would you have done?

My regular class is a Saturday morning but I probably split it 50/50 between the Friday and Saturday.

The Saturday class is in a huge hall but the group only use an L shaped section so a large portion is open space. I take my two dds with me (4yo and 2.5yo) and when I started in April there were a lot of mums with young kids, so they would all run around the open space. The number of kids has got less over the months and this morning it was only my two.

I only weigh and go and don't stay for the talk, so maybe 20 minutes or so? (Bear with me, I am trying to set the scene)

So this morning dds were running in space as usual, at one point the lady who runs coffe counter was pretending to chase them and they were screaming. Then I was weighed and waiting to hand back card and there was a young boy about 10 or 11 and he had started to play with girls, he was pretending to read book and they were creeping up behind him and he was turning round to scare them and they would run away screaming. This happened about 4 times.

Now firstly I should say I know this may seem annoying and I also don't mind adults telling my children off if they are misbehaving but the next thing the woman who hands out the cards came marching over to them, bent down and waved her hands in their face shouting (well saying very loudly) "stop screaming". There must have been about 40 people in the room who all stopped and stared!

Cue both girls getting a fright and spending the next 5 minutes as I get jackets on etc sobbing their hearts out!

I was fuming, had she said to me "excuse me could you stop them screaming" or even called from her desk "girls can you stop the screaming" I wouldn't have minded!!

So, I just got the girls ready and left but all day it's been bugging me that I didn't say anything to her.

What I wanted to say was "if you have an issue with my kids speak to me" or "Is this noise any better than what they were doing before" but I was just so angry that I left. As I got outside the woman who was playing with them at the start came out and said "listen that was my fault as I was chasing them about so I'm sorry", I told her of course it wasn't her fault and there is a way to speak to kids and that isn't it.

Obviously I'm not going to do anything now, exceptaybe stick to the Friday class, but just wondering what anyone else would have done in that situation?

OP posts:

Ruprekt · 28/10/2012 00:19

TBH I would have told them to stop screaming if they had been my children.

BeingBooyhoo · 28/10/2012 00:20

did she shout at them or just say it in a firm voice?

nancy75 · 28/10/2012 00:20

You should have stopped them screaming before someone else had to, sorry but just because you don't mind the noise doesn't mean the other people wanted to hear it.

Shesparkles · 28/10/2012 00:23

The poor woman was probably at the end of her tether! She's trying to work and there are a couple of mini banshees running about the place!
I can't abide screaming kids- mine were not screamers as they were taught from a very young age that it just wasn't going to happen,and to be honest, had I been there the woman wouldn't have needed to shout at them as I'd have got in there first!

Original poster

FadingAwayToAHippo · 28/10/2012 00:24

Oh no I agree with the telling them to stop screaming, and yes it probably didn't bother me as much as it was playful screaming so not tantrumming or anything, it was the way in which she done it which annoyed me so much.

It was between a firm tone and a shout, you know like the shouts voice you do when trying not to shout?

OP posts:

ChristmasKate · 28/10/2012 00:26

The screaming needed to be nipped in the bud the first time it happend to stop moaning hag having to poke her nose in.

A nose I would have told to butt out and they are children not kids.

nancy75 · 28/10/2012 00:27

Sorry op, you are not winning me over, if you kept your children under control she wouldn't have had cause to speak to them at all, if you don't want people telling your kids off then do it yourself before others have to.

Shesparkles · 28/10/2012 00:28

Screaming is screaming, and to be honest " playful" is worse as it can be so easily controlled by a gag parent

lisaro · 28/10/2012 00:29

It may do your kids some good, since you seem happy for them to scream like that in public.

ScabbyColdCrustyCatPuss · 28/10/2012 00:29

YABU You're kids shouldnt have been running round screaming. The group leader was trying to work. She isnt just weighing people, she is providing advice and support to each individual as she sees them. How is she supposed to think with kids screaming in the background?

SoleSource · 28/10/2012 00:31

They'll be scarred for life.

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2012 00:31

Oh come on you're talking in riddles!

You don't mind people telling your kids off but when someone does you don't actually like it?

They spent 5 minutes 'sobbing their hearts out' because they were told firmly to stop screaming??

Really?

In that case it should do them the world of good to get over their hysteria regarding something so mild.

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2012 00:34

I'm not sure how much noise there was before makes any difference, so maybe you should have told them yourself to quieten down?

But you're right, she could have asked them so they weren't frightened out of their wits, no need for that at all.

I can only think she was having a shitty day, it was like nails down a blackboard and she snapped.

What the woman who was playing with them said was nice though, we need more like her around.

SoleSource · 28/10/2012 00:35

Go to Ebay order a bin liner of cotton wool. Wrap them up in it forever. Somebody might look at them the wrong way. Blindfold them. Please OP. Think of the children.

BeingBooyhoo · 28/10/2012 00:35

they were sobbing because they probably aren't used to being told off by other people. it doesn't mean she was wrong to do it. just that for them it was odd and made them feel uncomfortable. that's normal. being told off isn't supposed to be enjoyable.

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2012 00:37

Not sure about them being hysterical though worra, at 2.5 and 4 YO it's not so easy for them to get their heads round a stranger being angry right in their faces.

Just for the 'shock' of them not seeing it coming and a bit out of context perhaps?

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2012 00:39

The bin liner bit sounds a bit dangerous to me Sole.

I prefer bubblewrap, I can pop it while I keep them imprisoned safely at home.

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2012 00:40

Sole this is broken Britain

For the record OP I'm 43 and I'm still mortified when I think back to being 6yrs old and my Mum's hairdresser telling me and my brother to sit down and stop being naughty when we were running around screaming while my Mum had her hair done.

I'm not mortified because the big scary lady dared to tell us to pipe down...I'm just mortified that our behaviour put her in the awkward position to have to do so.

I learnt from it, my brother learnt from it and my Mum wore a smug "I told you so" smile for months afterwards.

She was far from annoyed and actually very grateful

AnnieLobeseder · 28/10/2012 00:43

There is nothing in the world I hate more than shrieking children (okay, maybe slight exaggeration). It completely grates on my nerves. Laughing, playing... fine. But screaming and shrieking, urgh, can't stand it. So I don't blame her one bit. Why on earth didn't you stop them yourself?

However, if it had been me, I would have approached you rather than the children. Did she know they were yours? If not, even then, she could have asked them nicely to be quiet, which would have been my plan B if I couldn't identify the parents? Or do my usual, " Excuse me, whose children are those? Could you quieten them down please?".

So, YANBU in that her going straight over and yelling at them wasn't the best way to deal with it, but YABU to have let them shriek in the first place.

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2012 00:43

Not sure about them being hysterical though worra, at 2.5 and 4 YO it's not so easy for them to get their heads round a stranger being angry right in their faces

Angry or firm voiced though?

Either way it's a valuable lesson that should hopefully help the OP in future as the kids will learn that loud screaming actually disrupts other people.

Yes it might have been a bit 'scary' but that's not always a bad thing...though it seems to be viewed that way nowadays for some reason.

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2012 00:44

AnnieLobeseder the OP said she didn't yell at them.

BeingBooyhoo · 28/10/2012 00:47

when i was in the chip shop a few months ago my then 6 year old ds was playing up. he was in a giddy mood and knew i was embarrassed by his behaviour so was playing on it. he was trying to get a reaction from his brother by poking him so i was holding him close to me trying to keep them apart whilst waiting on our food. a lady standing next to me could clearly see what was happening and she suddenly turned to my ds and said "sit down there and behave yourself" in a sharp but not angry voice. just sharp enough to catch his attention. ds immediately shrunk into his chair and sat with his eyes to the floor until we left. i mouthed "thank you" to the lady. yes ds was uncomfortable and didn't like it but sometimes it's what they need to make them realise that it isn't just mum they're pissing off.

Whoknowswhocares · 28/10/2012 00:48

The woman was probably fed up with your kids running about all over the place week after week while she is trying to work. The screaming would likely be the final straw.

So yes maybe she was more terse than she should have been. To be fair though she shouldn't have to be the one reprimanding them in the first place..... You should have beaten her to it.....by a period of several weeks by the sound of it!

Bunnyjo · 28/10/2012 00:50

OP, you are projecting. You know your children were in the wrong and you know you should have told your children to behave before someone else had to step in.

AnnieLobeseder · 28/10/2012 00:51

Worra - I beg to disagree.

waved her hands in their face shouting (well saying very loudly) "stop screaming"

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