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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not really AIBU but what would you have done?

69 replies

FadingAwayToAHippo · 28/10/2012 00:17

There was a situation at my local slimming class and its been bugging me all day so what would you have done?

My regular class is a Saturday morning but I probably split it 50/50 between the Friday and Saturday.

The Saturday class is in a huge hall but the group only use an L shaped section so a large portion is open space. I take my two dds with me (4yo and 2.5yo) and when I started in April there were a lot of mums with young kids, so they would all run around the open space. The number of kids has got less over the months and this morning it was only my two.

I only weigh and go and don't stay for the talk, so maybe 20 minutes or so? (Bear with me, I am trying to set the scene)

So this morning dds were running in space as usual, at one point the lady who runs coffe counter was pretending to chase them and they were screaming. Then I was weighed and waiting to hand back card and there was a young boy about 10 or 11 and he had started to play with girls, he was pretending to read book and they were creeping up behind him and he was turning round to scare them and they would run away screaming. This happened about 4 times.

Now firstly I should say I know this may seem annoying and I also don't mind adults telling my children off if they are misbehaving but the next thing the woman who hands out the cards came marching over to them, bent down and waved her hands in their face shouting (well saying very loudly) "stop screaming". There must have been about 40 people in the room who all stopped and stared!

Cue both girls getting a fright and spending the next 5 minutes as I get jackets on etc sobbing their hearts out!

I was fuming, had she said to me "excuse me could you stop them screaming" or even called from her desk "girls can you stop the screaming" I wouldn't have minded!!

So, I just got the girls ready and left but all day it's been bugging me that I didn't say anything to her.

What I wanted to say was "if you have an issue with my kids speak to me" or "Is this noise any better than what they were doing before" but I was just so angry that I left. As I got outside the woman who was playing with them at the start came out and said "listen that was my fault as I was chasing them about so I'm sorry", I told her of course it wasn't her fault and there is a way to speak to kids and that isn't it.

Obviously I'm not going to do anything now, exceptaybe stick to the Friday class, but just wondering what anyone else would have done in that situation?

OP posts:

manticlimactic · 28/10/2012 01:54

What is going on with the posts tonight. It looks like I'm ahead of the people I'm answering tonight.

bragmatic · 28/10/2012 03:03

You should have told them to pipe down, but she should have at least tried a quiet but firm request before shouting at them.

900cherry · 28/10/2012 09:28

Oh dear god I sympathise with you op! I posted something similar a year or so ago - my only ever post, and I got 800 replies of similar effect.

Agree it's acceptable for a third party to kindly step it and say firmly and politely to stop screaming (and explaining to the children why) but shouting in their faces??

I'm not from the school of thought that thinks shouting or aggression towards kids is effective or necessary ( my dad wasn't a shouter but I bloody knew when I was in trouble ).
.before a load of people jump in, Neither am I the kind of parent who deals with bad behaviour by sweetly asking my kids not to do it.

Think the lady should have exercised a bit of control - she is the adult AFTER ALL.

theodorakis · 28/10/2012 09:57

Why would you want to take your kids to a slimming meeting??? If you have a choice of meeting cant you choose the one when you could leave them at home?

GrimAndHumourless · 28/10/2012 10:01

ugh screaming kids INDOORS

let 'em scream outside

Original poster

FadingAwayToAHippo · 28/10/2012 10:06

Thanks Cherry, to be honest, dd2 has been sleeping really badly so I probably could have stepped in sooner with the shrieking (I'm going with that now).

I don't take them every week, only when DH is working and sometimes I go on a Friday if he's off so I'm not taking them On the Saturday.

I never stay for the meeting, only ever weigh and go so only there for 20 mins max, I only go to Saturday class probably every two weeks and even then I don't always have dds so it's not like they are there every week but usually there are more kids and they all play together. This week it was only my two so maybe it seemed worse, I don't know.

And they certainly weren't running about the whole time as they were standing in the queue with me for a while.

Och well. I think I'll just definitely stick to the Friday class.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2012 10:20

cherry where did the OP say anyone shouted in her child's face?

I think this thread is getting out of context to be honest.

And since most of us come down to eye level when we speak to small children, there's often a fine line between 'in your face' and 'in front of your face'.

bigsnugglebunny · 28/10/2012 13:29

From the OP:

when I started in April there were a lot of mums with young kids, so they would all run around the open space. The number of kids has got less over the months and this morning it was only my two.

In my opionion, squealing/happy screams when playing is no noisier than children running about/stamping feet/playing in a big echoey hall. Also, why was it okay for lots of children to run around and play, and presumably make a heck of a lot more noise but not for two little girls to play a game with an older boy?

I think the old bag woman was bang out of order to be honest, and should have approached you and asked if you could stop your children screaming; if it was bothering her that much. At that point, you would have explained that you were off anyway, so it would have all been fine. There are much better ways to approach these things.

Personally I'd have gone up to her and shrieked loudly in her face, or better still got a king size mars bar out and stuffed it in her face while laughing maniacally about how many calories/points/satans are in it - but I have issues

lljkk · 28/10/2012 13:56

WWYD
Truth I would have been mortified with embarrassment. All too easily could have been my kids.
I know it's a bit early, but have some on me.

900cherry · 28/10/2012 14:18

Worliberty:

next thing the woman who hands out the cards came marching over to them, bent down and waved her hands in their face shouting (well saying very loudly) "stop screaming".

900cherry · 28/10/2012 14:19

Ljkk
You clearly don't have many pressuring issues in your life if you would be 'mortfied' with embarrassment !
Let's get it into perspective!

Nanny0gg · 28/10/2012 15:05

The screaming will be my fault as I've never really been strict on them not doing it, in the manner they were, as I see it as playing (but yes, restricted for outdoors).
But not indoors where it is inflicted on other people.

You're right, OP. Your fault. Next time, step in first.

CoolaSchmoola · 28/10/2012 15:53

The thread title says "What would you have done?"

In this situation I would have stopped my children screaming so that someone else didn't have to.

OP you say you were only there 20 mins... 20 mins of children screaming at an event where some people are working, and others are paying to be there, is unacceptable. And you LET them do it, and carry on doing it.

I don't think it is unreasonable for adults to be able to attend a class where they are either working or paying, without having to listen to your children shriek. It IS unreasonable for you to have just shrugged your shoulders let them carry on. Appallingly bad mannered and inconsiderate. I would have told my child to stop immediately they started, and if they didn't then they would have been frog-marched out of the building, firmly bollocked, and taken home.

You didn't do that - you went about your business with no concern for anyone elses feelings. And after a protracted amount of time, into the second bout of shrieking, when it was blatantly obvious to everyone else there (working or paying remember!) that you weren't going to do anything about it - someone else did.

You said "shouted (well spoke loudly)"... I should think they had to to be heard and seen by your galloping shrieking children that you were ignoring.

Perhaps she shouldn't have said something to them - but you DEFINITELY should have stopped them shrieking and disturbing anyone else. If I was paying for that class I would have been seriously pissed to have been stood there listening to your children for that amount of time whilst you merrily abdicated all responsibility did nothing.

If you can't keep them quiet and occupied for 20 minutes (which throughout you seem to imply is no time at all) and aren't willing to stop them from annoying (because shrieking children are BLOODY annoying!) then you either have to leave them at home or expect someone else to tell them to shut up parent them because you couldn't be arsed.

Letting your children shriek in that environment is just wrong, what gives you and your children the right to disturb so many other (and for the final time) - WORKING OR PAYING people? And yes, you paid too, but newsflash - you and your children weren't the only ones there, and I'm sure if the other people WANTED to listen to kids shriek at Slimming World they would hold the class in a Wacky Warehouse....

CoolaSchmoola · 28/10/2012 15:59

As for being annoyed at the person who told them off.... If my children were behaving in such a way that someone else felt that had to say something, because it was apparent I wasn't going to then I would feel a lot of things.

Mainly shame, embarrassment, horror. Annoyance wouldn't be one of them though. And I certainly wouldn't pop up on the internet saying "I let my kids run around shrieking at SW for 20 mins and someone else had the CHEEK to tell them off" because frankly, it makes you look a bit daft (and first time using it) ENTITLED. Yup, I said it.

Control your own kids - then others won't feel obliged to stop them upsetting anyone else. For all you know the whole room might have been muttering in annoyance to the woman who finally said something.

NinaHeart · 28/10/2012 16:21

CoolaSchmoola, you're the one that I love.
I echo what you said.
Shrieking (uncontrolled) children really annoy me and if I was at WW (ie adults) meeting I wouldn't think it all appropriate to have to make myself heard over that.

LucieMay · 28/10/2012 16:42

When my son is being annoying in public I sometimes wish someone other than me would say something it would embarrass him into behaving better! I'm just like a broken record to him!

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2012 16:45

Exactly Cherry 'saying very loudly'....

myfirstkitchen · 28/10/2012 18:23

i wish more people would tell others children to pipe down! most people are too scared to get a nutjob "DON'T YOU HAVE A GO AT MY KIDS YOU PEADO" they just let it slide..

Floggingmolly · 28/10/2012 18:31

Screaming is bloody annoying, and those who have to listen to it don't really differentiate between playful screaming and tantruming, I'm afraid. You should have stopped it before anyone else had to step in.

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