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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be cross 1 month later

66 replies

eachpeach11 · 22/10/2012 11:31

So I gave birth by csection to a lovely dd. (no3)
On the day I was discharged dh went shopping to get presents to give older dc from new dd. Spent £100 on children and £150 on himself. I didn't even get a bar of chocholate.
When I joked about this when I got out of hospital dh claimed he didn't know what to get me. (You would think he would know by now)
So I made the decision to buy myself a small treat but as yet haven't done this. When I recently mentioned this I was told that "the baby was my present"
AIBU to be cross.

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 22/10/2012 11:32
Shock
FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda · 22/10/2012 11:33

So the baby's not his then, just yours? Hmm

YANBU

Fakebook · 22/10/2012 11:35

Get over it. Some people don't have £250 to spend on presents when a baby is born. Some people don't have enough money for food. Be happy with what you have.

smalltown · 22/10/2012 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 22/10/2012 11:35

I would go out and buy myself something really nice, which was twice the cost of his present to himself. If he says anything, show him the scars.

Is he usually selfish?

redexpat · 22/10/2012 11:36

Just Shock

HeathRobinson · 22/10/2012 11:39

'Get over it.' Shock Really, Fakebook?! The only person not to get a present?

Peach - treat yourself.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 22/10/2012 11:39

Oh fgs fakebook. I havent two pennies to rub together right now but I can still see that the OPs DH was a twunt.

People need to stop comparing.

OP, YANBU. Make sure you spend more than he did. £150 on himself? Shock

missymoomoomee · 22/10/2012 11:40

My DH is crap like this too. After I had DD1 we got out of hospital 6 hours later and we went to get some food on the way home. DH told me I had to go into the chip shop as I was showered and wearing fresh clothes and he wasn't. I only got flowers when I had DD2 because I had her on mothers day and he had bought them anyway. Even upon telling him I was pregnant I have had responses that ranged from 'congratulations' to 'that explains the moods then'.

No point in being cross though, you can't change it now, laugh about him being so crap, buy yourself something nice, and enjoy your lovely baby.

Fakebook · 22/10/2012 11:42

I wouldn't get worked up or cross about something like this. I certainly wouldn't be cross ONE MONTH later!

Her DH bought himself a gift, so why can't she get something for herself? She's had 3 children with this man, she should know him better by now.

Such a non-issue.

KenLeeeeeee · 22/10/2012 11:43

Not getting you a present wouldn't be a big deal if he hadn't spent £150 on himself, but to buy himself something and then say the baby is "your present" is really twattish.

Treat yourself to something really lovely and enjoy every moment of it.

HeathRobinson · 22/10/2012 11:43

So on the other thread, Fakebook, where the mil has been given a £200 mobility scooter, you think it's unfair that she doesn't get a Christmas present.

Consistent, much?

Fakebook · 22/10/2012 11:46

That's different. That's a present for Christmas when everyone is given a gift. It's expected. When is getting a gift when a baby is born expected? Certainly not in our house.

Instead of sulking for a month, she could have bought something for herself by now.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 22/10/2012 11:49

Fakebook, your logic is baffling.

Xnedra · 22/10/2012 11:51

It's not different Fakebook if everyone else in the house is given a present as in the OP.
Get yourself something nice.

Iheartpasties · 22/10/2012 11:53

I would be upset, its just a thoughtless thing for you dp to do. I understand my dh is a twonk sometimes and especially crap with regaurds to present giving.

digerd · 22/10/2012 11:54

I can understand how you feel, but as it's your 3rd, did he not do this every time? And if so, it was what you expected. And 4 weeks on??? Please accept his thoughtlessness and begin to thoroughly enjoy your new baby. Have you told him how upset/angry you were/are. This anger is only destroying you. Forgive him as he obviously didn't think he was doing anything wrong .

DontLikeChocolate · 22/10/2012 11:58

"the baby was my present"

I got this, too! I gave birth a few weeks ago and nearly died after the delivery. I spent two and a half days in intensive care, during which time he visited me with the baby only twice. When I got home, there was an email from the MIL saying: "glad DLC is out of hospital, it will make things so much easier for you". He thought this was a completely reasonable thing for her to say, as he had been "running around doing the school run, etc".

I got no present for giving birth, no present for my birthday a few days after and no present for our anniversary. His reasoning? We did IVF so "the baby is your present".

Wanker.

Rutherford · 22/10/2012 11:58

When my mum had my sister, my DF bought himself a leather jacket (price changes depending on who is telling this story from £200-£500) and my DM got...a bunch of petrol station flowers.
He was apparently very pleased with himself Hmm

LadyInDisguise · 22/10/2012 12:00

YABU to still be cross a month later.

YANBU to think his behaviour was crap. Finding present for the older two dc is OK but surely a present for himself? What is his reason to give himself a present after the birth of one of his children?
I am struggling to see the point of a present for the mum but I am understanding even less the need of a present for the dad tbh

OTTMummA · 22/10/2012 12:01

'the baby is your present?!!!!' Shock Shock

leave the bastard

MrsKeithRichards · 22/10/2012 12:04

My dh bought the midwife a bunch of flowers and some chocolates. I got nothing! I didn't want, expect of ask for anything to be honest. I find the whole concept of a push present a bit naff. We don't buy each other stuff a lot. I think you should, in the nicest possible way, get over it and enjoy your baby!

MrsKeithRichards · 22/10/2012 12:05

We bought a present for my older boy this time, why your dh bought himself a present I don't know. That bit is shit.

MichaelaS · 22/10/2012 12:10

Grrr, twonk. Ask him if he thinks he is the father since it is "your" baby? Unless there are big issues where you desperately wanted the baby and he didn't but agreed to have one anyway, in which case he is being a twonk but is still not reconciled to the idea of another baby.

How about a spa day on his debit card? :-)

Original poster
eachpeach11 · 22/10/2012 12:14

Didn't get anything either of the other times. However, as no one else got anything I wasn't bothered. However , this time I was the only one ignored. I am not materialistic hence why I haven't placed an order with Links . I would have been happy with a box of chocs. I just want to be thought of.

OP posts: