to still be cross 1 month later

[eachpeach11]

So I gave birth by csection to a lovely dd. (no3)
On the day I was discharged dh went shopping to get presents to give older dc from new dd. Spent £100 on children and £150 on himself. I didn't even get a bar of chocholate.
When I joked about this when I got out of hospital dh claimed he didn't know what to get me. (You would think he would know by now)
So I made the decision to buy myself a small treat but as yet haven't done this. When I recently mentioned this I was told that "the baby was my present"
AIBU to be cross.

do you think that's why he doesn't think you deserve a present because it was so relaxed and you didn't have to put in any effort? (to clarify, i'm not saying you didn't put any effort into giving birth, jsut asking if taht's what your DH might be thinking?)

I still had the pain afterwards though. Plus I only had 1 day with any help at home before I had to deal with everything.
Plus if i didn't put in any effort he did even less!!!

He sounds very selfish & depending on your financial circs quite irresponsible tbh.

50quid each for the children & 150GBP for himself??!!

Tbh the more I hear OP the more annoyed I am for you.

Presents for the DCs are fair enough. We intend to do that (though a token gift only) but what a selfish man he is to think he deserved something too. Hes a parent fgs. Not another child.

Tbh I think it was just an excuse to buy himself something. But the justification that you got the baby is so offensive.

I know that OP. i know it wasn't without effort. but does he actually think you had an easy time and that it didn't take a fizz out of you?

OP YANBU.

Your DHs attitude is a bit crap really.

My DH also is not great in this department although he does try and did bring things like grapes and muesli bars for me after having DS 1 and 2

However I had SVD both times and no major procedure such as caesarian. I also did not have to spend time recovering in hospital.

Secondly DH did not go off and spend money on himself but none on me

Then I really would be pissed and think he had a strange set of priorities and not much thought for me.

I mean really, it's the done thing, according to most people I believe that anyone having a procedure which requires a hospital stay gets a card and flowers at the very least.

I think OP deserved that at the very least.

So it's not just the present thing. He's unhelpful around the house. Does he always put you down and make you do everything?

Digerd, thank you for insulting half of the human race. For the record, while my husband is not perfect (I'm working on it!), I cannot imagine him buying himself a New-Baby's-Is-Here present, but not me! It would either be both of us, or neither of us!

I can't imagine him regarding a baby as a present for me, either. A lovely present to him from me, maybe.

My DH got me a diamond necklace

The present wouldn't bother me... except he bought himself something!

The comment about the baby being your present would have made me furious.

OP

Definately he was traumatised with worry over your c-section, hence his irrational ( but not to him) behaviour. He was so worried about you in hospital. His surprise at credit bill being so high this month confirms his state of mind at the time.

But YANBU to feel as you do, but please forgive him.

I think u r ok to be disappointed a month later but unsure about cross.

Have u said anything properly to him that this hurt you? Do u really think it was malicious or just tactless? I think u need to talk. That's all.

Oh and buy urself a treat too!

I would be very hurt too, OP, yanbu.

The nicest thing I got after the emcs birth of my baby was a get well soon card from dh.

He bought me a push present too to make up for an engagement ring fiasco, but it's that card that means the most, because it shows he was thinking about me, as a person, not as a mum, not about the baby.

YANBU.

I'd also be very upset if DH got himself and other DCs a present, and nothing at all for me. It's extremely thoughtless. And all that "but baby is your present" sounds like someone trying to dig himself out of a hole, at best.

(Incidentally, my DSis failed to get her DH a birthday present when their PFB arrived a few days before BIL's birthday. DSis had been too wrapped up in thoughts of impending motherhood to remember BIL's birthday. She also used the "Baby is your present" argument. He wasn't all all impressed.)

Hate to say this, digerd, but I think you're completely mad! Do you REALLY mean this?

"Definately he was traumatised with worry over your c-section, hence his irrational ( but not to him) behaviour. He was so worried about you in hospital. His surprise at credit bill being so high this month confirms his state of mind at the time."

Surely his trauma would be connected to the mother involved, so if a present was involved it would be for her? I could understand if a man witnessed his wife going through a horrific birth and went out and bought her a huge diamond. It's almost impossible to believe he went out and bought HIMSELF a present as a reward for the birth.

He sounds rather selfish. I assume your fairly comfortable financially for him to be spending so much so if I were you I'd treat myself to something lovely and tell him just how I felt!