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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tickling

57 replies

BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops · 16/10/2012 15:27

AIBU to think that if tickling a child you should check to make sure they want you to continue, not assume their shrieks are playful? I hated being over-tickled as a child and it freaks me out, DH think it's hilarious. Hmm

OP posts:
JeezyOrangePips · 16/10/2012 15:28

YANBU.

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/10/2012 15:29

yanbu, i hated it as well

GhostShip · 16/10/2012 15:29

Erm

I'm not really sure.

If its your own child surely to god you know if they're enjoying it or not.

Original poster
BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops · 16/10/2012 15:29

DD was shrieking, face away from DH, who thought she was having fun. I saw her face - she wasn't. I made him stop, he thought I was being silly.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 16/10/2012 15:31

Hopefully you didn't make a big issue out of it in front of her though?

valiumredhead · 16/10/2012 15:31

God, NO! I hate being tickled and I still remember that horrible gasping for breath thing where you couldn't speak but carried on laughing iykwim? Urghhh!

PacificDogwood · 16/10/2012 15:32

YANBU.

Tickling requires consent, it does.

Likes DS4 2.6 saying 'adain' when he regains his ability to breathe Grin.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 16/10/2012 15:32

YANBU - didn't tickling used to be a form of torture??

I hate being tickled and only tickle my DS very gently.

ClippedPhoenix · 16/10/2012 15:33

YANBU I absolutely hated it, it's a bloody awful feeling. Tell him not to do it again.

Original poster
BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops · 16/10/2012 15:34

Um, I'm not sure if I made a 'big thing' out of it. I told him he had to stop and in future he had to check she was enjoying it. He was a bit confused as to why. I explained from my perspective. Is that a 'big thing'? Not sure.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 16/10/2012 15:35

DD asks me to tickle her. But some kids really dont like it and people should be aware of that.

YANBU

QuenelleIsOrangeAndGoldForNow · 16/10/2012 15:36

YANBU. I know exactly what you mean. The laughing is an involuntary thing, doesn't mean you're enjoying it.

It's not the first MN thread I've seen about this.

EmBOOsa · 16/10/2012 15:39

YANBU

farrowandballs · 16/10/2012 15:42

YANBU I was thinking about this exact thing a couple of days ago - in the sense of how tickling circulates around issues of consent, and assumptions of pleasure, and learning to let someone do something to us that we do not want them to, but feel ridiculous protesting against...
I hate tickling. I have no sense of humour about it when DP tickles me. My kids, however, love it and ask me to do it to them over and over again. But personally I hate it.

PacificDogwood · 16/10/2012 15:43

I think it is easy to expect your child to like what you think they will like, rather than what they actually enjoy IYKWIM.

DH can be a bit like that, not v good at actually listening to the DCs or noticing what non-verbal signals they give out.

Wolfiefan · 16/10/2012 15:45

YADNBU. My father used this as almost a form if abuse. It's control. My DD loves to be tickled. I wiggle my fingers in the air and ask tickle? She will generally say yes but sometimes says no. It's her body so her choice.

GragPop · 16/10/2012 15:47

yanbu. Its always best to check everyones still having fun.

BadgersGhostlyRetreatWoo · 16/10/2012 15:49

YADDNBU

my one and only ever panic attack was brought on by a boyfriend ticking me when i was about 16. Was awful.

I always HATED it as a kid, and dsis used to do it because she knew i hated it.

TheBigJessie · 16/10/2012 16:03

YANBU

Imnotaslimjim · 16/10/2012 16:05

YANBU, I cant' stand being tickled and my brother used to torture me. Whenever I complained he would say "but you're laughing" then would go again til I choked. Just the thought of being tickled now sends me into a panic

KenLeeeeeee · 16/10/2012 16:09

YANBU. Children need to know that their personal space is to be respected and that all forms of touching - tickling included - should only ever happen with their consent.

Ithinkitsjustme · 16/10/2012 16:10

YANBU - I have this conversation with my older DC's on a regular basis when they are tickling their little sister. I would have thought your DP would have understood tbh.

BeingBooyhoo · 16/10/2012 16:16

YANBU

i hate hate hate being tickled, i am ashamed to say it but i actually kicked my EXp in the face once to get him to stop tickling me, it was so painful (the tickling) and he jsut wouldn't stop, i couldn't help laughing but i was actually crying like a child i was trying to get him to stop but i couldn't breathe to tell him it hurt and i couldn't get away from him so i kicked him. not proud of it and i have never hit anyone in my life but at that moment in time i couldn't make him stop any other way.

my ds2 loves being tickled and asks me to do it, he laughs, and i stop then he asks me to do it again. my ds1 is like me and hates it so i dont do it with him.

i dont think its making a big thing of it to ask your DP/DH to check that DD was happy with being tickled. i also dont think it's a bad thing to let your child know that it's ok to ask an adult (any adult inc. parents) to stop touching them in any way if they dont want to be touched like that. this includes hugs and kisses, hair patting, tickles, play wrestling etc.

GiserableMitt · 16/10/2012 16:19

I HATE being tickled. It feels like a complete loss of control to me.

Moominsarescary · 16/10/2012 16:22

Yanbu I hate it, always have done