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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this friend is weird?

63 replies

Iodine · 15/10/2012 13:10

Yesterday we went for a 8 mile walk with a group of friends and afterwards a couple invited everyone around for a takeaway. They told us to come around at 8 to give everyone a chance to shower and warm up.

At 10 to 8 we got a call asking of we were still coming and telling us to hurry up- we could've been there much sooner but were hanging around till 8 to let them get ready.

When we arrived they had already listed the food they wanted us all to order. 5 dishes for 8 people (4 big men who eat a lot!). I persuaded them to put another dish on as it was no way enough but caught the wife having a huge rant at her husband as it would put the price up (about 50p per person) and she didn't want to pay. They are by no means hard up. Both have v. good jobs and are off on a 2 week safari next month.

When the chinese said it would be a long wait she had a massive rant that we should have ordered sooner- we ordered it as soon as we had walked in the door at 8!!!

She also made a HUGE deal about saying that she doesn't eat much and therefore we wouldn't need much food. When the takeaway arrived she hogged the best dish, eating pretty much all of it and generously helped herself while everyone else awkwardly took tiny amounts. She said she thinks any leftovers are just waste (in my house we just eat any the next day for lunch) as they just throw them away. We all would've happily taken them home!

We have had big ishoos with her and money in the past. She is happy to spend huge amounts of money on herself but is very penny pinching in group situations. She once invited us to the cinema, arrived half an hour earlier than planned and then refused to help us out (seats get allocated so we wouldn't have been able to sit together) by buying us tickets. We had the money to pay her back on arrival.

OP posts:
Gumby · 15/10/2012 13:11

Why do you still see her?

Original poster
Iodine · 15/10/2012 13:12

Ooh forgot to say, 2 of the dishes were horrible so we shared 4 mains and 3 tiny rices between 8 hungry people.

OP posts:
BigWitchLegsInWailyTights · 15/10/2012 13:16

Why didn't you just order what you all wanted seperately? I don't understand...why did she invite people round for takeaway and then dictate the orders? Very odd.

MsVestibule · 15/10/2012 13:16

Hmm, not sure if you are BU or not. If a friend invited me round on a casual basis like this (i.e. not a pre planned birthday meal), I would expect to pay for my share of the meal. Why did everybody else just take tiny amounts? Surely if she hogged a whole dish, people shouldn't feel uncomfortable taking their fair share.

Original poster
Iodine · 15/10/2012 13:20

Gumby- I am new to an area and they are one of the only people we know! If we didn't see them we'd have no one to socialise with.

It's only the more time you spend with people that you see their strange quirks. I come from a family where not feeding people enough is a big no no! I would be mortified to think that people were still hungry!

OP posts:
Original poster
Iodine · 15/10/2012 13:25

The idea was for everyone to share so you get a bit of everything. We just had the order dictated to us as we entered the door, I'm not a fussy eater so juat figured I'd go with the flow and try something new.

If we had all hogged a dish like she did some people would've gone very hungry that night. It was just so awkward. Sitting with a tiny amount of rice and pretending everything was fine (as you do).

OP posts:
honeytea · 15/10/2012 13:25

Some people are really strange about food, I think it stems from food issues as a child or eating disorders. I have a family member who is like this and it comes down to control.

marbleslost · 15/10/2012 13:27

I'm presuming you all paid your share. If that's the case, it's very controlling of her not to allow you to choose the food you're paying for.

In this sort of circumstances with our friends, we'd just choose a main each and then pick a few side dishes to share. If you've ordered something expensive, you offer to pay a bit more.

I do think it's weird, yes.

Original poster
Iodine · 15/10/2012 13:27

She is ridiculously skinny Honey. I guess it wouldn't have been as bad if she hadn't told everyone how she wouldn't eat much therefore we shouldn't order much and then pigged out.

Can you imagine the strop she would have had if I had dared to order more than 1 more dish?!

OP posts:
Disappointedbuyer · 15/10/2012 13:27

This is why I avoid takeaways.

Mollydoggerson · 15/10/2012 13:28

Crazy, she sounds very annoying, why invite people over in the first place, why not allow people order what they want when they are paying also. Avoid letting her take control in future.

greenrabbits · 15/10/2012 13:30

I think she sounds weird - and not a friend. But then I have a huge appetite and can't stand people choosing my food for me, I would've said thanks but we'll get our own and then insisted on doing so and paying for it.

She sounds proper odd... I would stop seeing her!

Woozley · 15/10/2012 13:31

Just let each couple/individual pay their own with takeaways, then you can have what you want!

Original poster
Iodine · 15/10/2012 13:32

Marbles- all paid our share (even though she was outraged at the extra 50p) and I went and picked it up.

With my family and friends we do what you said, all pick a dish we like and share (or state from the start you wont be sharing but only want 1 dish).

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 15/10/2012 13:35

I think I would have killed her.

Irritating bitch.

When we share take aways with friends we all order what we want then pay for your own. Miles easier IMO.

NervousAt20 · 15/10/2012 13:35

I would have said me and DP will order and pay for our own no matter what but if someone wanted to try abit then that's fine by me

Original poster
Iodine · 15/10/2012 13:42

Nervous- I don't know them well enough to do that. Was trying to be polite and fit in with everyone.

They are DP's (he who sees good in everyone) friends from uni and even he said yesterday her demanding and competitive streak is irritating. I have started to see that she is the kind of person who would stab you in the back to get ahead.

Ooh, just remembered. DP revealed to me yesterday she askes him to swap shifts at work with him. After she had said yes she revealed that all of their uni friends were going away together and she wanted to go. Never mind that he would've loved to see them.

OP posts:
surfingbabies · 15/10/2012 13:43

YANBU, she sounds like a control freak. In future if you really have to socialise with them I would just say you'd like to order your own as you both like to eat a lot and it wouldn't be fair to expect others to pay the extra.......just laugh and make a joke about it! you might find the other couples will agree with you especially if they feel like you about it! Smile
I don't understand how you can be friends with her though, I couldn't be friends with someone I couldn't tell the truth to!

Longdistance · 15/10/2012 13:44

Don't invite her next time. I hate tight people, who actually have money. It's just plain meanness. My sil is like this. Glad I only see her on family occasions as couldn't stomach her meanness for long.

ViviPru · 15/10/2012 13:48

I HATE sharing takeaway dishes full stop. She is BU for demanding that in the first place. I always politely insist I choose and pay for my own and I don't care if that's considered precious or rude. Surfingbabies makes a good suggestion how to handle it.

I think I'd struggle to remain friends with someone who exhibits such unpleasant behaviour.

I am new to an area and they are one of the only people we know! If we didn't see them we'd have no one to socialise with.

Give it time then. Before long you'll find there's another couple or two in the group who you have more in common with and will gravitate toward.

Proudnscary · 15/10/2012 13:49

Eh? Why did you not just bundle in and order what the feck you all wanted?

Takeay ordering should be an event - a big, good natured, shouty heated debate over quantity and content of order; over ordering by at least 50% (especially if guzzling Wine) - and those with more dosh than others merrily chucking in extra £££ to make up the bill.

Why so timid?

ViviPru · 15/10/2012 13:50

Takeay ordering should be an event - a big, good natured, shouty heated debate over quantity and content of order; over ordering by at least 50% (especially if guzzling ) - and those with more dosh than others merrily chucking in extra £££ to make up the bill.

^^Exactly this. Fancy a Thai on Saturday, Proud?

pinkdelight · 15/10/2012 13:53

Ordering etiquette aside, the 8pm thing is very weird. Is there any chance is was a misunderstanding - that they meant that you'd be eating at 8, rather than ordering at 8? So they were expecting you to turn up much earlier and then you'd have had more time to sort the orders?

ENormaSnob · 15/10/2012 13:53

What proud said. That is exactly what take away ordering should be with pals.

ViviPru · 15/10/2012 13:54

Yeah that's a good point, pink