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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smoking dope in pregnancy

73 replies

mummahubba · 02/10/2012 14:44

Would you stay friends with someone who smokes dope every day while she's pregnant? Yes I'm being judgy, but I just think this is appalling. Thoughts?

OP posts:
millionlovesongslater · 02/10/2012 14:47

Her body, her choice.

I get that you're thinking about her unborn child but it is just that, her unborn child.

I know I'll get shouted down for this opinion but that's my perspective.

squeakytoy · 02/10/2012 14:47

Is it anti-drugs day today.. there seems to be a recurring theme of threads for some odd reason..

And my answer would be that I wouldnt do it myself. Is it one joint of low strength weed, or a few joints of skunk?

I do think it is a bit of a twattish thing to do, by all means smoke it when you are not pregnant if you want to, but your baby has no choice when it is inside you and I cant see how it would be good for the development of the child.

midori1999 · 02/10/2012 14:48

Nope. My brother's partner smoked it when she was pregnant, apparently she 'had' to to help her morning sickness. Hmm He condoned it, but then, he's a twat.

I no longer speak to either of them unless I have to.

buggyRunner · 02/10/2012 14:48

would you remain friends if it were crack she was smoking because there's little moral difference in my eyes.

but tbh I wouldn't be friends with someone who took illegal drugs period. this is coming from someone who works with recovering addicts daily.

cannabis is strong and very harmful not the same as the wacky backy of years ago.

squeakytoy · 02/10/2012 14:49

Some cannabis is Buggy, not all. Which is why I asked the OP for more detail on that.

You can still get the "vintage" stuff. Grin

cbeebiesatemybrain · 02/10/2012 14:51

I don't think I would fall out with her over it even if I don't agree with it. A friend of mine smoked all the way through her pregnancy (cigarettes), I wouldn't do it myself but its not up to me what she does. I presume your friend is a mentally competent adult? She must know the risks so I think you need to butt out and let her make her own mistakes.

MuddyRocker · 02/10/2012 14:58

I wouldn't stay friends with someone who smoked weed during their pregnancy (or after if they intend to raise the child). Sometimes people do things that make you realise they are not your kind of person and you are better off not being friends at all.

OP there's a difference between judgey and concerned. Have you said anything to her? You could stay civil with the friend and try to offer some guidance. If you stop being friendly she may be left only with friends who condone or encourage the smoking..

Original poster
mummahubba · 02/10/2012 14:59

But it's not just her mistake is it? That's the whole point, she is carrying another person. I don't know much about dope but she's smoking every day and it just puts me right off her.

OP posts:
MumsGoToReykjavik · 02/10/2012 15:01

I would find it difficult to remain friends with someone who did this. I know it is her body but the unborn baby has little choice.

Finbert · 02/10/2012 15:01

I'm with you op, I think it's very selfish and makes me wonder about effects on the baby

Tailtwister · 02/10/2012 15:01

I don't think it's a matter of 'her body, her choice' when she's pregnant. Yes, it's still her body, but she is responsible for another life and she should be doing all she can to keep the baby safe, since it has no choice in the matter.

I don't know what I would do if a friend was doing this. I would definitely ask her to think about what she was doing though and try to support her to stop.

ArtVandelay · 02/10/2012 15:01

I don't think I would 'fall out' as such but I think I'd probably just drift away because I couldn't respect that person anymore and so what would be the point of being friends. I am probably being judgemental but I do think its wrong -YANBU for finding it offensive and challenging.

MarysBeard · 02/10/2012 15:06

Someone very close to me was on heroin when pregnant, we found out after the baby was born and nearly taken off her. Now she is clean, leads a totally different lifestyle and he is a healthy little boy.

Another friend smoked cigarettes when pregnant, though no weed, though she and her DH do smoke weed regularly, though not around their daughter, and DH and I have the odd puff when we see them. I wouldn't have stopped being friends if she had smoked weed when pregnant, though some people on another message board suggested at the time I should no longer be friends with her because she was smoking cigarettes in pregnancy Hmm

hazeldog · 02/10/2012 15:08

There is no conclusive evidence that cannabis has either a positive or negativeeffect when smoked in pregnancy. Tobacco and alcohol we know are very harmful. Would you ditch a friend for having a glass of wine when she's preg?

MarysBeard · 02/10/2012 15:18

I had two alcoholic drinks a week when pregnant. I didn't feel like any more, but enjoyed the drinks I had.

Birdsgottafly · 02/10/2012 15:46

There is no conclusive evidence that cannabis has either a positive or negativeeffect when smoked in pregnancy

There is conclusive proof that there is no positive effect and there is proof that a percentage of unborns will be affected by any drug use, that includes the tobacco to mix with the weed and the chemicals contained in both/either.

CailinDana · 02/10/2012 15:50

Nope, but then I wouldn't stay friends with anyone who smoked dope because I think it's ridiculous childish behaviour and I wouldn't have any respect for them. Fine, smoke a bit when you're 17 and a bit too stupid to know better but if you're still in that mindset when you're 20 and above, forget it I couldn't be bothered with you.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 02/10/2012 15:54

I wouldn't agree with taking any kind of drug in pregnancy as you just don't know what the effects are going to be on the baby.

alienreflux · 02/10/2012 17:21

i heard from a friend who asked her midwife, that the components of cannabis, cannot pass through the placenta,(no, i haven't googled that fact!) so don't affect the baby, however, as hazeldog said, the tobacco still does. I wouldn't 'fall out' with her over it,but if it's 'put you off her' then let her go

seaofyou · 02/10/2012 17:26

an old friend smoked in her pregnancy and she lost her baby at 38weeks:(
I do not know if it was cause but they did drug screen on baby and cananbis was in her system.

She could never concieve again, but she still smokes the stuff.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 02/10/2012 17:30

No, I would find it too difficult not to judge her every time we met. That would be the case whether she was pg or not, although I think smoking dope in general in just pathetic whereas smoking it while pregnant is a selfish, awful thing to do.

ilovetermtime · 02/10/2012 17:38

I would stay friends I expect, but it's up to you isn't it? If you can't deal with it then how can you be friends?

How much is she smoking each day?

PedanticPanda · 02/10/2012 17:38

I knew someone who took MDMA whilst pregnant and now her daughter is very severely disabled and has a low life expectancy. It isn't confirmed that the MDMA caused her disability as she didn't tell any of the specialists involved in her daughters case that she took drugs whilst pregnant but has admitted to me that she thinks that's what caused it. I know MDMA is completely different to weed but I wouldn't be comfortable being friends with someone who would put their unborn child at unnecessary risk. 9 months is a relatively little time to watch what you're doing and avoid drugs in comparison to how much it could affect the person growing inside you.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 02/10/2012 17:44

Lordy, I would be going nuts! I would definitely let her know how I felt and try to persuade her to lay it off. I totally second what Buggy and Cailin said, and I can't believe the "her body, her choice" line of argument. Jeez, don't you relinquish the right to behave so irresponsibly when your body becomes the vessel for another human being? Aargh! But you know, I'd feel really irresponsible if I ditched this friend, (and I know this sounds crazy) but I'd be sooo worried about what else she got up to, either for the remainder of her pregnancy or once her baby was born. I'd feel compelled to stick around to keep an eye on them. But then, similarly to Buggy I work with the children of habitual drug users every day and it's no joke.

waterlego6064 · 02/10/2012 17:46

Has she got MH problems? Most people who misuse substances do. Would you disown a friend for eating junk food throughout her pregnancy? Given that she'd be increasing her risk of gestational diabetes and increasing her child's risk of long term health problems.

I try not to judge people whose lives are different to mine. Especially if their behaviours might suggest all is not well with their mental health.