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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘hugged’ this 11 year old?

79 replies

meMillyme · 01/10/2012 21:42

I?m a TA at a secondary school and also teach a few lessons of Art a week (I?m a qualified Art teacher too) today I was coming to the end of a year 7 lesson when another teacher came in and said a boy who should have been in my class went into hers accidently. He was very upset and thought he?d be in trouble.

I went outside and he was sobbing his little heart out :( I put my arm around him briefly to comfort him. The other teacher was present at the time.

I?m now worried I shouldn?t have done. Can anyone reassure me?

OP posts:
KatyS36 · 01/10/2012 21:44

I'm not an expect, but under the circumstances you have described I would hope someone would do the same to my DD.

Katy

squeakytoy · 01/10/2012 21:45

Its a sad day in this life when you cant put your arm around an upset child to comfort them. :(

I hope you arent in trouble, and I doubt you would be.

Celticlassie · 01/10/2012 21:46

I would have done.

Sparklingbrook · 01/10/2012 21:46

It's so sad you have to worry about this. Sad If my Year 7 boy was sobbing I would be pleased if a teacher put their arm round him and reassured him.

Did the other teacher say anything?

Jas · 01/10/2012 21:46

I'm sad that this worries you. I too hope a teacher would be that kind to one of my kids if they were upset.

doinmummy · 01/10/2012 21:48

It's a sad state of affairs when someone is concerned about an act of kindness. I would be glad if it was my child.

Whathashappenedtomyboobs · 01/10/2012 21:48

You did a nice thing, why do you think this is wrong?

FutureNannyOgg · 01/10/2012 21:54

No, that's reasonable. A full on hug, no, a hand on the shoulder or one arm, that's pastoral care.

Pancakeflipper · 01/10/2012 22:01

I hope not. You should get hug for being lovely.

My 7 yr old had a nasty accident at school last year and the TA sat cuddling him until I got there and I love her for that. And I know my son appreciated having the feeling he wasn't alone and someone was going to care for him.

NickyNackyNooNoo · 01/10/2012 22:04

If you cant give someone a hug when they're visibly upset then the world has gone mad - YANBU

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 01/10/2012 22:05

You will have been given guidelines on this during training and induction, wouldn't you?

gordyslovesheep · 01/10/2012 22:07

you where kind - and another staff member was present - no harm ...I get why you are worried - you know, as a teacher, you are open to allegations of in appropriate behaviour - sadly, and so you have to protect yourself

I have had to stop kids trying to hug me - it's too risky and it's not appropriate

it's sad though x

Pourquoimoi · 01/10/2012 22:07

I have a new year 7 and I'd be glad you showed him compassion, they are terrified of being told off or getting detention. YANBU at all.

akaemmafrost · 01/10/2012 22:08

I would and have done the same on a school trip with 4 year olds when one fell over. It was instinctive just as I would my own dd. I hope you are not in trouble for it, can't see why you would be.

getrealandgetalife · 01/10/2012 22:09

would it have made a difference if you were a man?

My dd would be mortified if someone hugged her that she had a professional relationship with... but then i understand that my dd is unique in her outlook.

it would stop her crying alright, but only because she felt compromised that someone was actually touching her.

Sorry to be a spoilsport, but not all kids are the same.

if your intentions were honourable, then you can defend yourself, cant you?

getrealandgetalife · 01/10/2012 22:12

oh and she said year 7 not aged 7.

HUGE difference

Floggingmolly · 01/10/2012 22:14

Nothing wrong with this at all; but it's a sad world we live in - I can see exactly why you felt there might be Sad

PenguinBear · 01/10/2012 22:16

It will be fine! Don't give it a second thought! I cuddle my old class all the time! They come up to me on the playground daily and I am always happy to hug them back :)

Mum2Luke · 01/10/2012 22:16

YANBU I would hope if my ds gets worried/upset a teacher or TA would help. If another teacher saw you and didn't say anything I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Its getting ridiculous that a teacher cannot show compassion (completely different to what that maths teacher did) to a pupil without worrying what the outcome would be.

I'd give you a hug Grin

pudding25 · 01/10/2012 23:04

Of course you should have comforted him!

RaisinDEtre · 01/10/2012 23:47

oh bless those little yr 7s finding their way round Big School

awww

but, yes, you will have covered this in your induction and training, do you think you have broken contact rules? (note I don't know what they are or even if they exist)

CuriousMama · 01/10/2012 23:53

That so could've been my ds2 he'd cry if that happened. I'd be happy you hugged him if it were.

independentfriend · 02/10/2012 00:45

Sounds OK, so long as the other children couldn't see.

A male science teacher hugged me in the middle of the classroom when I was in Year 7. I was crying at the time and he was just trying to comfort me, but horribly embarrassing.

DieDeutschLehrerin · 02/10/2012 03:25

I'm a secondary teacher and what you describe sounds fine, especially as it was in the presence of another member of staff. When I was doing my PGCE we were advised by the CP officer just to use our common sense in these situations and that comforting a sobbing child with an arm around the shoulder was perfectly acceptable behaviour. Y7s are still very young too, they've only been there 4 or 5 weeks and often find such a gesture comforting. Try not to worry. You were in plain sight, in the presence of another member of staff and the contact was appropriate in the situation.

musicalendorphins · 02/10/2012 03:40

I wouldn't have done it, but I wouldn't file a complaint about it if I were a parent. I think you'll be ok.