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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban MIL from seeing DS for the forseeable future?

74 replies

WithoutCaution · 27/09/2012 13:26

I can deal with her 'need' to bath DS 3-4 times each day she has him as yes he will find the muddiest part of the garden/ spill his dinner etc and she is a little bit OCD about cleanliness

I can also deal with her 'need' to read him bible stories I will be telling him that they are fairy tale stories and in no way fact

But I can't deal with her 'need' to inform me that DS spending time with my brother and his DH is wrong and that I'm damaging my DS by letting him be around homosexuals Hmm DS is apparently going to grow up to be just as confused as my DB if I continue to let my DS see him Angry

I may have become a little bit pissed off and may have mentioned that my DB and his DH will be our DSs guardians if anything should happen to me and DH. MIL didn't take the news very well bit of an understatement-

But AIBU in not wanting her near DS I don't want her to fill his head with her silliness I know he's only 1 so isn't likely to understand what she means and I'm probably being a bit PFB. DH thinks I should over look it to keep the peace but I really don't think I can.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/09/2012 13:27

YANBU - she sounds barmy and quite toxic actually.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 27/09/2012 13:28

YANBU. Tell her. And tell her exactly why. Urgh. Toxic is exactly the word!

MrsTomHardy · 27/09/2012 13:29

I wouldn't keep the peace, sorry but she seems a bit mad.

I also wouldn't let her bath your Ds 3-4 times a day either.....once yes, but if he's a bit grubby from feeding etc why can't she just wipe him down!

Sorry but your DS, your rules..good luck

Tee2072 · 27/09/2012 13:32

If you bathed my DS that often, his skin would peel off in sheets due to eczema and he'd be hysterically crying all the time.

If you read my DS bible stories my husband would have words.

But if you ever tell me that homosexuality is wrong and I should keep my DS away from someone who is gay? I will rip your head off verbally and you will never see him again.

BoomerGold · 27/09/2012 13:32

She sounds dangerous. As a close family member your kid is going to believe everything she says and does is fine with you.

gothicangel · 27/09/2012 13:32

YANBU.

SaraSidle · 27/09/2012 13:33

Oh no! That's tough. Your little ds loses out. Is it just mil or is there also a fil?

Yanbu!

merlincat · 27/09/2012 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonzaBetty · 27/09/2012 13:33

What does your DH think?

SaraSidle · 27/09/2012 13:35

Shame your DH isn't in agreeance with you

CaptainHetty · 27/09/2012 13:36

YANBU. I would be able to turn a blind eye to the other stuff as well, but blatant homophobia I would not tolerate.

Floralnomad · 27/09/2012 13:36

YANBU you should tell her if she spouts any more of that crap that she won't be seeing him again . Is she very catholic or something ?

GlaikitFizzog · 27/09/2012 13:37

But is you ds really missing out but you keeping him away. I sounds like she is more likely to cause problems by installing her views to your ds.

If she were my mil you wouldn't see me for dust. And I'm fairly confident dh would back me up too.

getrealandgetalife · 27/09/2012 13:41

ask her if she will disown DS if he turns out to be gay, and tell her if the answer is yes, it'd be better for everyone to sever ties now. that should shut her up.

also tell her that hes having one bath a day, thats it, not negotiable.

as for the other stuff... thats easy to deal with, and could be used as a bargaining chip over the bath stuff!

Original poster
WithoutCaution · 27/09/2012 13:41

There is a FIL but he sees nothing wrong with her and thinks I'm the one with problems... Especially since I refused to have our DS christened

DH has grown up with it and although he can see it from my point of view would rather just ignore her behaviour

OP posts:
SkippyYourFriendEverTrue · 27/09/2012 13:42

I would tell her clearly:

  • do not bathe him
  • no Bible stories
  • do not mention homosexuality

Otherwise she won't see him again.

If she is clearly told, then she has no-one to blame but herself.

crazygracieuk · 27/09/2012 13:42

I would keep him away from her. The homophobia is a good reason but I would want my son to relax and be a kid (get dirty). I think that being afraid to get dirty would hold a child back.

By ignoring the homophobia I think that it would be sending the message that homophobia is ok.

DinosaursOnASpaceship · 27/09/2012 13:44

What Tee said in her third paragraph.

My brother and his partner are fantastic.

A 'friend' once said to me that I should stop my brother and brother in law from baby sitting my sons. Because they are gay and fancy men so must all fancy little boys. Obviously gay = pedophile. Angry

I asked her if she ever left her husband alone with her daughters cause going by her logic, he is straight and fancies women so must also fancy little girls right? That's different apparently.

Don't know how I didn't punch her. And I've never hit anyone before.

Original poster
WithoutCaution · 27/09/2012 13:46

She just doesn't approve of anything other than heterosexuality. She even threatened to disown DH when we moved in together before we got married and threatened to not go to the wedding when we said we weren't getting married in a church We didn't get married in a church and she did eventually decide to come

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 27/09/2012 13:46

Insist on supervised access, where you prevent the endless washing, and leave the moment anything homophobic is mentioned. Your child should not be forced to spend time with bigots simply because they're grandparents.

theQuibbler · 27/09/2012 13:47

That's your brother she's talking about! It's incredibly rude and disrespectful to your family as well as blatantly homophobic. I would get your husband on side and then I'd set out the conditions for continued contact and if she breaks them; then so be it.

Shagmundfreud · 27/09/2012 13:47

YANBU

I wouldn't tolerate any adult with regular contact with my dc's from expressing homophobic views in their presence.

For goodness' sake, one of your dc's may BE gay. How hurtful and damaging might it be to grow up around someone like that?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 27/09/2012 13:48

YANBU at all. You just dont want your child growing up to become a bigot. Fair enough imo.

I recently told my own MIL off for making vomit noises at 2 guys sharing a tender kiss on tv Hmm and Confused while my children were in the same room Angry She is ofcourse entitled to her bigotted opinions but I prefer she doesn't fill my DCs heads with them.

LemonBreeland · 27/09/2012 13:48

She sounds awful. I wouldn't let her see him at all, but if you do she should not be unsupervised with him.

Why are you letting her bath him that often, it is really not good for his skin.

LittleWhiteWolf · 27/09/2012 13:53

Raised one eyebrow at your first point, the other at the second. By the time I read her homophobic remarks I made this face: Shock

I would be (getting DH on side first) sitting her down and telling her what will NOT be tolerated.