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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel vindicated

54 replies

advance01 · 27/09/2012 01:24

Have just given birth to a gorgeous healthy baby girl weighing 8 pounds. My pregnancy was uneventful and I was well througout. Planned section was also without complication.
However thoughout my pregnancy I was constantly reminded of the extra risks due to my increased BMI. Now this pregnancy wasn't planned so I didn't set out to put my health or my unborn child at risk.
AIBU to feel a little sad that scaremongering took away some of the joy away.
Incidently I am also back to my pre pregnancy weight so I suppose I must have been careful to take care of myself. Also plan to lose more.

OP posts:

wannabedomesticgoddess · 27/09/2012 01:29

Congratulations!!

FWIW you can be overweight and healthy IMO. Obviously being overweight isnt healthy. But some overweight people (like me) rarely darken a GPs door. So really, the risks arent that much greater.

And any of the difficulties I have experienced during this pregnancy are things which have nothing to do with my weight.

Again, Comgratulations!! Enjoy your little bundle :)

Narked · 27/09/2012 01:37

Congratulations!

It does seem pretty pointless to me that they focus on something that's too late to change. There are higher risks associated with the mother's being over a certain BMI, but there's a limit to what you can do to minimise them when you're pregnant. You obviously took your health seriously as you're back to pre pregnancy weight. That's all you can do. Going on about them when there's nothing more you can do is pointless and damaging - it can't fail to shoot up your stress levels.

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2012 02:02

Congratulations.

However what you see as scaremongering, they will see as presenting possibilities to you.

I had my first baby 27 years ago and women were told very little about what was medically happening, as though it was nothing to do with them.

We were treated like cattle in my Maternity Hospital (Mill Road, Liverpool).

Without informing you of any risks, you could not make informed choices along the way.

It's good that you have a healthy baby and are well, but if that wasn't the case and the doctors had kept quiet about what could have gone wrong, then you would be feeling that your rights and wishes were not important.

A doctor wouldn't hold back from giving the facts to any other fully functioning adult, so why a pregnant woman?

There is research and statistics to proberly back up whatever you were told.

Leena49 · 27/09/2012 03:01

Congratulations. but....I agree. It's a little tough if you didn't like what docs were telling you but your baby being healthy is the most important thing.

mynewpassion · 27/09/2012 04:09

Would you have done anything differently if your doctor didn't warn you? If not, then feel vindicated.

Dappylittlemomma · 27/09/2012 05:02

Big congrats on your baby, so glad all went well for you. Being overweight does increase risks of complications for you and the baby, including gestational diabetes (which would have effected the baby), difficulty with IV cannulas and difficult epidural and spinals. You deserve to know these risks. I do agree that telling you you should change something at a time when it is not possible is not helpful. Maybe the Drs were more informing you of risks.

sookiesookie · 27/09/2012 07:20

Yabu. Sorry, but my Sils dd was very poorly when born as a direct result of sils weight. Sil was devastated and my niece nearly died.
its very silly to think, that because you baby is ok that they were wrong. You were lucky there were not any complications.
I say this as someone who was trying to loose 4 stone to get pg and (using contraception) got pg 2 stone in. The medical professionals are there to advise you and being over weight and pg can be problematic.
Luckily niece is ok now, I (with doctors support) lost more body fat while pg.
Me and sil are both now healthy weights and exercise alot. It really woke us up.
Congratulations though. I am so glad both you and baby are ok.
And good luck with your planned weight loss

whois · 27/09/2012 08:22

wannabedomesticgoddess what a very silly thing to say: "so really the risks aren't that much greater"

And your extensive medical training and experience with observing outcomes has enabled you to say that yeah?

I knew a smoker who lived to 95 and rarely darkened her GPs door. By that logic smoking is fine. Yay!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/09/2012 08:25

If they didn't tell you the risks you could well have ended up complaining that nobody warned you when something did go wrong because of your weight.

Yabvu.

THETrills · 27/09/2012 08:30

YABU

If you feel "vindicated" then you clearly don't know what "risk" means.

Extra risks means there is a higher chance that something will happen. Not that it will. Having not encountered any of the problems does not mean that the people telling you about these risks were wrong to do so, or that the increased risks are not real.

If they were unpleasant about it or "scaremongering" then you should complain to their employers.

CailinDana · 27/09/2012 08:45

They should advise you of the risks, but beyond that if they're not actually offering practical advice then they should keep quiet about it. I found a somewhat similar situation when I was pg with my DS - I had had depression in the past and they harped on about the danger of PND, which just wasn't helpful as it didn't make anything better, it just made me worry. In the event I felt better after I had DS than I ever have in my whole life.

YABU if you think they shouldn't have said anything about it, but if the issue was that they went on about it without actually being helpful then YANBU.

Congratulations on your lovely new daughter :)

wannabedomesticgoddess · 27/09/2012 08:52

whois I was speaking on a personal level. Not a generalisation.

If you are healthy before you are pregnant except for your BMI the risks are increased,but not as much as they would like you to think. Theres no point a doc going on about it is there. Its already done at that point.

honeytea · 27/09/2012 08:53

YANBU congratulations on your new baby :)

I was under the care of a fertility specialist and IVF dr when I became pregnant. I had a BMI in the low 30's the IVF was state funded (I'm not in the UK) I had mentioned my worries about weight to the IVF dr, I also lost about 3 stone before seeing the IVF dr, they were only worried about getting me pregnant.

I became pregnant naturally the month before we were due to start IVF and when I went to my 1st midwife appointment she spoke lots about my weight, I said well it would have been helpful if this information was given to me by the dr trying to get me pregnant not when I am 8 weeks pregnant. The advice they gave me about weight such as go for a walk after work or eat low fat/low calorie food was so patronising, I told them I was aware of how you go about loosing weight I had just lost 3 stone but a walk after work was not really an option, I was lucky if I had enough energy to have a shower before I went directly to bed in the 1st tri.

I watched the one born every minute obesity special the other day and I was so shocked about the way the midwife said to the woman with pre-eclampsia that is was probably caused by her weight. I understand there is an increased risk due to being overweight/obese but the woman said something like "but some women who are a normal size get it dont they?" and the midwife said something like "yes but its mostly because of your weight" that in my opinion wasn't helpful the poor woman was about to be induced with a premie baby, there was nothing at all she could have done ablout her weight there and then. I feel it would be better if they spoke ot the mum after the birth and said something along the lines of we stongly recomend you loose weight before any more pregnancies as a lower weight will give you are decreased chance of pre-e.

sookiesookie · 27/09/2012 08:56

But if they say something during it can help too. As I said I lost body fat, safely during pg.
waiting until after can be too late.

sookiesookie · 27/09/2012 08:58

honeytea what about smoking? Should they not mention that I case it upsets the mother? Should they wait until after and advise they stop for the next pg?
Why when it comes to weight are doctors expected to keep quiet about the dangers.

honeytea · 27/09/2012 09:16

It's not so much the telling of the risks it is the in my opinion unhelpful advice. I think it would have been good if they asked me how I had lost the 3 stone and then talked over what I could/shouldn't continue.

I am lucky that my midwife metioned weight on the 1st appointment and then has not mentioned it again, I have not gained much weight and I think it is all baby and boobs as my jeans are getting baggy and my face slimmer, maybe if I was gaining lots of weight she might keep mentioning it. I don't think there is any need to keep telling women about the dangers of anything in pregnancy be that smoking/weight most people will not forget the info from the 1st visit.

I think that there are situations where it is unhelpful to tell women about the risks, such as when they are about to give birth.

Recent research showed that working in the last month before birth is a dangerous to the baby as smoking what if every working woman was told every appointment that they were possibly damaging their baby by going to work. Fair enough, tell the woman once, but not every time they go to the midwife.

Graciescotland · 27/09/2012 09:47

I think there's a difference between useful, practical advice and telling people off. I know when I was pregnant with DS there was a Tommy's clinic/ study being run for the very overweight (bmi 40+) with weekly clinics, extra growth scans, appointments with a nutritionist with a view to getting the women involved to maintain their body weight during pregnancy through diet and exercise as opposed as losing/ gaining weight and to get a better statistical understanding of the risks involved.

Level of care those woman received was top notch and hopefully useful to them. Telling someone they're a bit lardy on a regular basis without any practical follow through or help is a bit pointless.

oldenoughtoknow · 27/09/2012 10:04

may I ask why you had a "planned section" op?

GoldShip · 27/09/2012 10:13

Congrats!

OP I feel for you. I really do. I watched One Born Every Minute - plus size and I felt so sorry for the overweight woman. All they did was bang on every single time, she dreaded her antenatal appointments.. I want to be a midwife myself and would hate someone to feel like that. I understand it has to be addressed but not repeatedly.

You do have to be t

GoldShip · 27/09/2012 10:14

Posted too soon

You do have to be told the extra risks, but in a way that's not going to ruin your pregnancy experience.

ICBINEG · 27/09/2012 10:31

vindicated? So you would recommend people put on a lot of weight before getting pregnant because it worked out well for you??

YABVU

GoldShip · 27/09/2012 10:33

Where has she said that? icbineg

Sarahbananabump · 27/09/2012 10:38

YABVU

You are overweight . This causes risks to your unborn baby during pregnancy but also to you! Your body is under so much strain because of the extra weight as it is and then you add pregnancy to this and that puts even more strain on your heart , lungs , liver etc etc.

They tell you of the risks because they are there !

If they didn't tell you then something happened you would be saying oh they never told me blah blah blah.

They want to help you that is all. Get over yourself .

Rant over .

ICBINEG · 27/09/2012 10:44

Vindicated:To clear of accusation, blame, suspicion, or doubt with supporting arguments or proof.

If the OP feels vindicated then she is saying that she was right and being obese wasn't an issue, and the doctors were wrong.

So why not broadcast to the world...obesity not actually an issue with childbirth?

Well, because her having a healthy baby does nothing to provide proof that being obese doesn't increase risks to unborn babies for one thing. the OP is being VERY UNREASONABLE to feel vindicated as she has no proof that her obesity was blameless.

Sarahbananabump · 27/09/2012 10:45

Sorry didn't mean to sound so harsh .

It just gets my goat when people moan about health care providers offering advice that is to improve their health like we are trying to insult them.

It's not personal , it's just we know the risks and we don't want you to become ill so we tell you what may happen because obesity is a risk factor towards x y z.

We are striving for the best outcome for mother and baby - why is that so upsetting if it includes us suggesting you loose some weight?

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