to feel vindicated

[advance01]

Have just given birth to a gorgeous healthy baby girl weighing 8 pounds. My pregnancy was uneventful and I was well througout. Planned section was also without complication.
However thoughout my pregnancy I was constantly reminded of the extra risks due to my increased BMI. Now this pregnancy wasn't planned so I didn't set out to put my health or my unborn child at risk.
AIBU to feel a little sad that scaremongering took away some of the joy away.
Incidently I am also back to my pre pregnancy weight so I suppose I must have been careful to take care of myself. Also plan to lose more.

[GoldShip]

She wasn't saying that at all MrSunshine, and she's said she maybe used the wrong word. Which she did.

She's not saying 'oh well I'm overweight and it went okay for me so its okay'

She's saying she wasn't happy with the way it was drilled into her (which I've seen myself and its really unpleasant) when there's not much she can do about it whilst she's pregnant. Unlike smokers and drinkers.

[MrSunshine]

YABU. You got lucky. Smoking for 40 years and not getting lung cancer does not mean that people shouldn't stop smoking, or that medical professionals shouldn't advise them to.

It's great that you had no problems, but you were more likely to, and the people whose job it is to look after you and your baby did their job properly. You should be thanking them, not complaining.

[advance01]

Spinal went in 1st time and wound healing better than last time when was not overweight.
Thank you for congratulations.

[advance01]

Sorry missed a question. Elective section was due to having 2 previous sections. They were both emergency sections and I wasn't overweight at the time.
Maybe vindicated not right word. Of course I would not advocate getting pregnant when overweight but when it happens accidently you can only make the best of it.
This is what I did by eating healithy and not gainnig too much weight. I would have done this with or without the scary leaflet and constant reminders.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

Op, you might not be a fool, but some mothers unfortunately are. HPs cannot be expected to judge your intelligence and knowledge on the subject of obesity in pregnancy, so they give the same information out to all mothers.

[AndFanjoWasHisNameO]

OP a huge congrats on the birth of your lovely daughter.. But YABU, not only for the reasons already given but operatively you were at a far greater risk too, of post op blood clots, poor wound healing, infection, also they may have struggled siting your spinal needle. Now, yes, you will be fine- but that is only because of additional care and planning because of your weight. Enjoy your baba

[GoldShip]

Not even going to go into what Leena said. So many things wrong with that.

[honeytea]

with that logic leena we should also not fund pregnacies where women are over 35, we should stop treating lung cancer caused by smoking and stop treating drunk people in A+E. If everyone has a pot of money to spend on birth when does it run out? after 2 kids should people fund their own births? why should the population fund some couples to have 4/5 kids? What about those people who had an emergancy c-section the first time, their risk of another costly c-section will be increased, shall we not fund their pregnancy either?

I certainly don't want to live in a country like that.

[Leena49]

This is probably controversial and I'm sorry but I feel that as more women get pregnant when they are overweight they then need costly operations to deliver the baby ( c sections ) and yes they are more expensive than giving birth (naturally) and why should tax payers have to fund this?

[ICBINEG]

OP I think there is a very difficult line to draw. I totally agree that making people worry or feel bad for no useful gain is ridiculous. But some people will not even make the changes they can in pregnancy.

You are clearly someone that got the message loud and clear immediately and acted appropriately on it. Rubbing it in after that point was non-productive. But you are not everyone and lots of women in the same situation would not take subtle hints or even overt hints so you end up with a system that overcompensates to deal with the people that don't or won't get it.

I found the same thing with the BF pushing also. All I needed was a list of risk factors and stats and I am there....what I got was 8 months of emotionally loaded nagging that left me angry and upset before I even tried it.

But I accept that they have to pitch the message in the way that gets the most people on side,for the sake of mother and babies health even if that means some people have a less wonderful pregnancy experience as a side effect.

[advance01]

Yes, there are additional risks. But what's the point in going on about them when you're already pregnant! It's one thing to advise about diet and exercise to ensure that women don't gain extra weight, but what are they supposed to do about the fact they're already overweight??? Sit there in sackcloth and ashes for nine months???

I guee this post summed up my feelings. I didn't set out to get pregnant whilst overweight. I was happy to accept recommendations for only putting on a small amount of weight and achieved this. However, the leaflet given at my booking appointment really upset me. After all there wasn't anything I could do about it at that time apart from eating sensibly from now on. (exactly what I did) Plus the constant reminders on scans. pregnancy notes, paperwork etc
I am no fool. I already knew being overweight and pregnant is not ideal and would result in increased risks but telling you that you or your baby are more likely to die because of your weight for example is hard to hear so early in pregnsancy.

[honeytea]

I think there is more danger to the unborn baby and the mother if the woman feels she doesn't trust her midwife and if I was told at every appointment that I was to big and dangering my baby I would resent the person telling me that, not that it isn't true but I can't see it helps to solve the problem at hand.

The project that graciscotland mentioned sounds great, I think that proactive support and advice could help women feel confident in loosing weight and hopefully make a permanent life change.

My midwife tells me that the most important thing for the birth is that I believe I can do it, I have a family history of babies with very big heads and I mentioned to her I was worried about that, she is sending me for a scan just so I feel confident that the baby's head isn't too big, she has said she has no real worries that I wont be able to give birth but if I'm holding back and have a lack of confidence in myself it could make my birth harder. I think that if every 2 weeks someone was telling me I was likely to have a hard birth and hard end of pregnancy I would not feel like I could give birth and those worries might end up making my birth hard.

[GoldShip]

The fact is the weight is already there so its nothing like smoking and drinking. She wouldn't be able to lose much weight during pregnancy, she could have other issues which make exercise difficult to.

They should be made aware but not to feel guilty

[Narked]

Yes, you can lose body fat. But the woman who have BMIs high enough to be of serious concern aren't going to become a size 10 during pregnancy. If you're doing avoiding gaining extra weight and looking after your health, being repeatedly told of extra risks is pointless. It's likely to increase stress and make women feel guilty about something they can't undo - they can't turn back the clock. Stress for the mother is damaging to the baby, and, along with being made to feel guilty, raises the risk of ante natal and post natal depression.

Loads of factors raise the risk for pregnant women.

[Proudnscary]

Congratulations and so glad your dd arrived safe and well.

You know really that YABU don't you?

You were lucky. As are the women who smoke or drink during pregnancy and have healthy babies.

To crow about yoru 'success story' or suggest other obese women should pay no mind to doctors is crazy.

Good luck with your weight loss.

[sookiesookie]

narked you can safely loose body fat when pg. The risks should be made known to them, also to help putting on additional weight.
Either way the op is not vindicated, she wasn't right. She was (lets say it again) lucky.

[Narked]

Yes, there are additional risks. But what's the point in going on about them when you're already pregnant! It's one thing to advise about diet and exercise to ensure that women don't gain extra weight, but what are they supposed to do about the fact they're already overweight??? Sit there in sackcloth and ashes for nine months???

[Ilovedaintynuts]

What a load of rubbish.

All medical advice is based on research not anecdotal evidence. Of course the majority of people are not going to die/get cancer/have a heart attack - it's all about risk.

You were lucky. Obesity IS A RISK TO YOUR AND YOUR BABY'S HEALTH.

Just because you were ok doesn't mean obesity in pregnancy is fine, how ridiculous.

I drink too much and am overweight. If I don't get breast cancer I'll know those stupid doctors don't know what they are talking about

[sookiesookie]

And its not different because the op is saying she was right because she was one of the lucky ones. So it is the same. Some people can smoke and br fine some people can be over weight and fine. Doesn't make either healthy.

[sookiesookie]

Actually goldship yes you can. I have, with supervision from mw and gp. I weighed less after I had given birth than when I got pg.

[sookiesookie]

Hmm I am not sure that 'pregnancy experience' should be put in front of something that is endangering both mother and baby.

[HiHowAreYou]

YABU. You're ok and the baby is ok that's great.

That doesn't make it untrue that being very overweight causes extra stresses to a pregnant body, can make birth more difficult, and can increase the chances of certain conditions during pregnancy that may be bad for the baby.

The hospital should tell you the truth, surely.

[GoldShip]

Sookie - completely different. Because you can stop drinking and smoking during pregnancy, you cant suddenly drop the excess weight. Or safety diet.

[sookiesookie]

Imagine if someone said 'am I right to feel vindicated as I smoked 20 a day and drank 3 glasses of wine a day while pg and my baby has no health issues at all'

There would be outrage, but because its a weight issue people get defensive and talk about 'its not their place to say....'

[GoldShip]

Look, I know all the risks of obesity in pregnancy. And yes women should be educated in it, but if its done in a way that ruins their pregnancy experience then that's damaging in my opinion.

Like the one born every minute one I mentioned, the woman dreaded her appointments. That's awful.

They don't have to drill it into people and make them feel bad. They don't need to accuse. Make them aware of the risks, then drop it.