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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selfish whinarsery

85 replies

solidgoldbrass · 13/09/2012 00:20

I am being a selfish whinyarse. Or at least I want to be one and feel like one, so I want to whine here.

One of my friends is dying of cancer. And now I have a 'suspicious' lump in my nork. I am very frightened, but I think I am probably much more frightened because my friend has terminal cancer and therefore I am worrying that I have it too, and because she is so ill I can't whine at mutual friends because they are already worried enough about my friend. So can I please whine on here and have some hand-holding?

OP posts:
BabylonPI · 13/09/2012 00:23

Oh sgb I'll hold your hand.

I had a suspicious lump removed nearly 7 years ago - it was a cyst and nothing to worry about, but I was terrified Sad

I'm sorry your friend is dying too, that can't be easy to deal with Sad
(((((((hug)))))))

NoMoreNotNever · 13/09/2012 00:26

Here's a hand. I had a suspicious (large) lump elsewhere and it turned out to be a common or garden lump but I didn't half terrify myself in the meantime so I sympathise - when are you getting it checked out?

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2012 00:26

You're not being selfish or whiney at all...just understandably worried Sad

Sorry to hear about your friend...I lost my SIL to cancer a few weeks ago. It's just an awful disease.

I'm sure your lump's nothing to worry about but you're going to get it checked out quickly aren't you?

Original poster
solidgoldbrass · 13/09/2012 00:32

I have been to the GP and have an appointment at the breast clinic next week. (Hospital phoned with the appointment the same day as I went to the GP) It's probably nothing but it is the scary sort of small hard fixed lump rather than the big soft type. And I am 47, with no available genetic history.

OP posts:
FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 13/09/2012 00:33

I am so sorry about your friend and that you have this new worry on your plate too. My fingers are crossed for you that you will be able to get reassurance that this is nothing to worry about very soon.

FurCoatSkimpyKnickers · 13/09/2012 00:34

The important thing is that you've checked yourself, noticed it and taken action.

Hope everything is ok, we're here for you.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/09/2012 00:34

(((Hugs SGB))). And I don't hand those out too often!

AmberLeaf · 13/09/2012 00:34

That's not selfish at all, its quite the opposite.

Go to the doctor soon as, the sooner you do the less time for the horrible not knowing waiting.

AmberLeaf · 13/09/2012 00:36

Cross post.

MrsJohnMurphy · 13/09/2012 01:22

You are so not selfish, hand held out. It's fucking scary when they take you seriously and refer you on. That on top of a seriously ill friend is a bumper of shiteness. Wish you so much luck, my Mum plus 2 of my sisters have been referred on to the breast clinic after finding lumps, my Mum had a small fixed lump which was removed (she is dead now, but not from breast cancer), other two were nothing.

hope it ll goes well.

GothAnneGeddes · 13/09/2012 01:27

YABU , because that isn't even slightly selfish whinearsery. I hope it all goes well for you and it is the lump that is a selfish whinyarse.

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold · 13/09/2012 01:44

Solid im sorry to hear this. (its carernotasaint. Ive namechanged) ((((hugs)))) to you. Im sorry to hear about your friend. I hope all goes well for you at the clinic.
FYI you are NO whinyarse.xx

Original poster
solidgoldbrass · 13/09/2012 01:50

I just feel like I am going waa waa me me me when my friend is dying. Obviously I have not said anything about my problems to her. But mutual friends are worried and upset, obviously and understandably, and I feel like I can't or shouldn't say anything at all when I have only got a lump which is very likely to be a cyst or whateve but am still really scared so therefore whining and being scared on MN.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 13/09/2012 01:53

Definitely not whinyarsed or selfish. The very opposite in fact, because you have chosen not to lay this on friends who are already sad and worried about your other friend (so sorry to hear she has terminal Ca, by the way)

Glad you have done the sensible thing and gone to be checked out - hope it's nothing. A friend of mine did his after having chemo for a molar pregnancy and it turned out to be nothing, just a lump of gristle on a rib, apparently - so there are plenty of options for it to be nothing serious. FX that it's the same for you.

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 13/09/2012 02:13

Don't feel guilty for having a normal reaction to a scary thing, just because your friend has something worse going on. As long as you're not going on and on about it to her, which you're not, you are doing nothing wrong. You deserve support too. I've gone through tough times but no matter what my issues I'd be gutted if I thought a friend felt too guilty to get support when they needed it for whatever reason. Sending hugs, I hope we get to hear all is well for you very soon but in the mean time whine to your heart's content Wink

NoMoreNotNever · 13/09/2012 08:13

Ah, but, but... if you subsequently find out one of these mutual friends also had a scare they were worried about at the moment and just worried to herself in the wee small hours - you'd feel sad they felt they had to keep quiet when you would have wanted to try and ease it for them.

NOT whiney.

Humans are full of quietly developing and sometimes dispersing lumps of gunk all the time and a surprisingly tiny number of them actually turn out to be malicious.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 13/09/2012 08:18

You don't have to justify why you are talking about it on here. That's what MN is for and you have a perfectly legitimate reason to be worried!

But, there is a high chance it is harmless, so try to stay calm for now and look after yourself.

StealthPolarBear · 13/09/2012 08:22

So sorry to hear about your friend. Whine all you like - it's completely clear why you're doing it on here and not to rl friends. I know you are frightened and I don't blame you, but hopefully this lump will turn out to be nothing at all x

BIWI · 13/09/2012 08:26

Not whiney arsed or selfish - quite the opposite. I really hope all goes well for you and it turns out to be nothing serious. But I'd it is, you know that MN is here for you, with as much support as you need.

AlistairSim · 13/09/2012 08:26

Whine away!

But I don't think you are whining, it is perfectly understandable to be worried and I am sure you friends have enough love for you to be supportive.

So sorry about your friends.
{{hug}}

fluffyraggies · 13/09/2012 08:27

SGB another hand here ((unmumnetty hug))

It's going to be harmless. (Even if it isn't they'll sort you out pronto as you've done the right thing and gone for help straight away).

So sorry to hear about your friend. This is going to be magnifying all your worries. It's natural. Talk to us here. Talk to someone in RL even because there's no law to say only one person at a time is allowed to be having a crisis!

StealthPolarBear · 18/09/2012 16:35

How are you doing sgb?

AnyFucker · 18/09/2012 16:39

I am sorry about your friend, sgb

Good luck with your own testing, the chances are it will turn out to be harmless

Whine away here all you like, you are least needy person on here as a rule. You have many whining-credits to use up. Smile

fluffyraggies · 18/09/2012 16:44

Oh i was thinking about this thread earlier today SGB. I was going to look for it later and ask you how you are.

GoldenBabooshka · 18/09/2012 16:45

I think you are a very brave and thoughtful person to spare you friends worry right now.

Feel free to whine away!

I hope all goes well and I'm sorry about your friend.

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