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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child walking home from school alone..

69 replies

VonHerrBurton · 22/02/2012 13:37

Ok so work are offering me more hours - I currently only do a few over the week but love what I do and would relish that bit more money! Have been a SAHM since ds started school in 2007. Started this job at Christmas. DH emergency service worker so shifts are not 9 - 5. AIBU to let my ds (9, 10 in Sept) walk the five minutes from school - home and let himself in, maybe once, twice a week for an hour or so? He'd be alone, no other dc.

He's sensible and I trust him to go straight home, lock himself in and not answer door etc. Just typing this is making me feel sick at the thought, actually! I don't HAVE to do the extra hours, I'd just like to and want MN jury verdict.

Mum is around a lot but has lots of holidays, plus I don't want her to feel tied down, she would, and does, help me so much anyway. I have people who are around - we all help one another with respective dc, it's just there will be times when I have nobody to ask. I'm waffling 'cos I'm in such a quandry over it! I have a feeling there will be some mixed opinion!

OP posts:

maybenow · 22/02/2012 13:41

i think if you had arrangements MOST of the time (your DH when around, your mum when possible) and he did it himself OCCASSIONALLY then that would be fine.. i would.. but i wouldn't make him being alone for that time a daily occurance (it would get lonely i think).

dandelionss · 22/02/2012 13:42

If he is happy with it then No problem he is plenty old enough

BarmyBiscuit · 22/02/2012 13:43

At that age it will be fine. I would have no hesitation as long as he was sensible

Gumby · 22/02/2012 13:43

I would go for it

mojitomania · 22/02/2012 13:43

With all the other things you have in place OP, the occasional hour on his own is fine.

AThingInYourLife · 22/02/2012 13:44

"Just typing this is making me feel sick at the thought, actually!"

Then no.

Is there an after-school club he could attend those days?

piprabbit · 22/02/2012 13:44

I think he might be a little bit young to do this - he might find it quite stressful. I did this from age 11. It was OK, but there were the odd times I forgot my keys and ended up sat in the garden.

Do you have any other alternatives at all? Do any of his friends have parents who could take him home for just the hour, twice a week. Or do you have a neighbour who is usually in, who could hold a spare key and maybe just be there is he has a problem or wants to knock and say 'hi, I'm home' (even if he doesn't go in).

It's difficult, but it might be something you have to put off for another year or two.

Erniesmum · 22/02/2012 13:45

I would happily do this as long as I was happy about any traffic issue. Also I guess it might be worth teeing up a couple of neighbours in case of him having problems opening the door, etc. You will definitely get a load of people who tell you it's a ridiculous thing to do but children vary massively in the responsibility they can take for themselves and others. My only advice would be to get him a mobile phone that you can call him on if you need to - my DS knows not to answer the house phone if he is home alone and sometimes when I get seized with panic about having left him it is good to be able to ring him on a phone which lets him know it's me ringing so that he can answer it. Interested to see what others think.

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2012 13:45

I'm the last person to wrap a child in cotton wool but he's only 9yrs old.

I think it's a little too young to be honest.

irregularegular · 22/02/2012 13:46

My daughter is about the same age (10 in June) and I wouldn't be happy doing this yet. I'm happy for her to do a short, safe walk home by herself. I'm also happy to leave her at home for half an hour or so. But I wouldn't be comfortable with her walking home to an empty house and me not knowing whether she had arrived home or not.

It sounds like you aren't comfortable either really.

I take it there is no after school club or anything like that?

For just once a week couldn't you find someone to help you and and offer some help to them in exchange?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 22/02/2012 13:46

If you are worried why not get him to check in every twenty mins or so? Get him calling you at work or another family member just so you know he's ok. :)

imoanruby · 22/02/2012 13:48

My dd is 9, almost 10 and very sensible but i wouldn't be comfortable with her doing this. I think it's a bit too young to be honest.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/02/2012 13:48

No, he is too young - in general you need to wait til secondary.

I'm not allowed to do this with a 14 year old (foster carer).

imnotmymum · 22/02/2012 13:48

yes maybe a bit young I let them stay home alone for an hour or so at secondary school when you sort of have to let go a bit but still worry then if running late picking up others etc oh to be a parent a life of worry !!!

BodaciousTatas · 22/02/2012 13:55

Dd did this everyday from the start of year 6, so she was 10 going on 11.

She had a very cheap mobile phone so could call me on the way home if needed (never did). I think at 9 I maye would have been a bit unsure, I used an after school club up to this point, is that an Potok for you?

4madboys · 22/02/2012 13:55

like all these things it depends on the child, my ds1 would have been fine doing this at that age (he is now 12) but my ds2 is 9 (will be 10 in july) and although i let him walk home from school on his own sometimes (its a half hour walk) and i leave him in the house on his own for short periods, i wouldnt be happy to let him come home on his own, let himself in and be there on his own for an hour, but that is because of his personality and maturity issues. my elder son woudl have been fine and i suspect ds3 will be as well at that age.

BodaciousTatas · 22/02/2012 13:56

Potok??? I mean option of course.

I heart auto correct :)

squeakytoy · 22/02/2012 13:57

You would be happy with him being out playing with his mates without you, so why would you worry about him being in the house on his own for an hour. I cant see any problem with it so long as you know he is sensible, and wouldnt have all his mates in for an after school party...

TobyLeWolef · 22/02/2012 13:57

No, I wouldn't.

imnotmymum · 22/02/2012 13:58

Now she worried ...after school party!!!

wannaBe · 22/02/2012 13:59

I wouldn't.

For me there is IMO a difference between allowing a child to walk home from school, where he is seen leaving by a responsible adult, to home, where an adult is waiting for him, and leaving school to walk home on his own to be at home, on his own.

My nine year old is very sensible too. But ime nine year old boys are very easily distractable and while they may be sensible, they tend to lack common sense, iyswim.

Also, how much independence does he currently have? Because it's a leap from you always being there/not leaving him home on his own to suddenly expecting him to walk home on his own and letting himself in. At the very least you should have left him home alone for a period before actually throwing him in at the deep end so to speak.

Mrskbpw · 22/02/2012 14:00

I used to walk home from school with my younger brother and watch him until our mum got home. I can't remember how old we were though - definitely primary and my brother was in the infants, because I remember they got out earlier than juniors so he had to sit on the 'naughty boys' chair' outside the head's office to wait for me. My mum is a teacher, though, so she was never far behind us - perhaps 30 mins, an hour tops.

But 9 does seem young. Is there an after-school club? Or can he go to a friend's house for the days you/your husband/your mum won't be there?

OrmIrian · 22/02/2012 14:02

I went back to full-time when DS2 was in reception. He used to walk home with DS1 (yr 6) and DD (yr 4). About a half mile walk and had to cross a road with lights. No problems. The teacher used to keep DS2 back until his siblings were able to pick him up as juniors finished 5 mins later than infants.

BUT... there were several other families in our street at the same school so they were usually walking back along with several other people, and there were any number of houses they could call at if they need help.

I think it's fine in principle (and only you know your own child) but there needs to be some sort of support or fallback in place.

Original poster

VonHerrBurton · 22/02/2012 14:02

After-school club at his school is a bit difficult as they aren't keen on doing the odd day here and there, and certainly not happy with me telling them the week before 'oh it will be Mon and Thur I need this week please, next week I don't need you' which is, of course, understandable. Apparently they are over-subscribed as it is, it's not just a turn up and we'll have you type of arrangement.

'Lonely' ..... 'Forgot keys sat in garden' ..... boak!

OP posts:

Bluebell99 · 22/02/2012 14:06

I wouldn't. I think he is too young.

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