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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child walking home from school alone..

69 replies

VonHerrBurton · 22/02/2012 13:37

Ok so work are offering me more hours - I currently only do a few over the week but love what I do and would relish that bit more money! Have been a SAHM since ds started school in 2007. Started this job at Christmas. DH emergency service worker so shifts are not 9 - 5. AIBU to let my ds (9, 10 in Sept) walk the five minutes from school - home and let himself in, maybe once, twice a week for an hour or so? He'd be alone, no other dc.

He's sensible and I trust him to go straight home, lock himself in and not answer door etc. Just typing this is making me feel sick at the thought, actually! I don't HAVE to do the extra hours, I'd just like to and want MN jury verdict.

Mum is around a lot but has lots of holidays, plus I don't want her to feel tied down, she would, and does, help me so much anyway. I have people who are around - we all help one another with respective dc, it's just there will be times when I have nobody to ask. I'm waffling 'cos I'm in such a quandry over it! I have a feeling there will be some mixed opinion!

OP posts:

betterwhenthesunshines · 22/02/2012 16:51

If you want verdicts - too young.

randommoment · 22/02/2012 16:58

I used to take a year 5 girl home as part of a car share, she was always home before her mum and sister, so I would walk with her to her front door and see her into the house. I offered to keep her when this first started, but the mum said it would be fine. And it was.

Is there no friend you could share going home to xyz's for tea favours with?

5Foot5 · 22/02/2012 16:58

I think borderline OK depending on the child.

DD was doing this at 11 when she went to secondary and you say your son will be 10 when he starts - is that right? If he is sensible and has people he can contact then you might be OK with it.

MrsPeterDoherty · 22/02/2012 16:59

I'd do it. I bet he just watches TV anyway when he gets in, he'll come to no harm. I expect other families walk the same route so he'll be perfectly safe. Try it - if he's not happy, could he go to a childminder for an hour?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/02/2012 17:00

My DS (12 yo) lets himself in 3 days a week but he's a secondary and is in alone for an hour or so.

I've got a DD who is the same age as your DS and is more sensible than my 12 yo, but I wouldn't want her coming into an empty house.

But the law doesn't have a minimum age, it's down to the individual and if they are at risk from it. (My DS would only go into the kitchen to get the biscuit jar.It wouldn't occur to him to use any cooking appliances)

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 22/02/2012 17:04

I think that this is OK as long as he's sensible, especially as your mum would be able to help you out a lot of the time. Perhaps you could speak on the phone each time once he's got home if he's alone. Do you have a neighbour who could help him out in an emergency?

nowittynamehere · 22/02/2012 17:10

I wouldnt be happy with my dds doing this at 9 Its the letting themselves in part i was allowed to stay home on my own from 8 I understand my mum had to work I knew all that but i hated coming home to an empty house , but if there is somebody he knows that knows he is in the house himself a neighbour or friend then i think it would be fine for an hour on the odd occasion , BTW nothing happened to me when i was on my own i just didnt like it , I didnt burn the house down or anything

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 22/02/2012 17:10

I am not atthat stage yt, (ds1 is 8)
However, at our school the kids hang around and play (chat or whatever) until about 4.30 anyway (unless the weather is dreadfull) so for us it would be about DS only being at home alone for 30 mins or so. I would be happy with that.

Catsmamma · 22/02/2012 17:10

I am very keen on children having independance and such, but there is just something about them coming home to an empty house.

Even now it gives me a pang to say "remember your keys I might be out at hometime" ....and the littlest is 14.

startail · 22/02/2012 17:10

Our school have no problem with letting Y6 walk home on their own, I think they are a bit uncomfortable with younger DCs.
(We all went to and from school on our own from 7.)

DD2 Y6 is quite happy to be left on her own for an hour or so.

I have found DD1 on the doorstep once.
Luckly I'd only gone to get DD2 from a school club and she'd been there a whole 5 minutes. Fortunately it was so cold she had her coat (teens and coats is a recurring thread).
She's remembered her key ever since

Cherriesarelovely · 22/02/2012 17:13

I understand your feelings OP. My DD is almost exactly the same age and i think it is a difficult time...we have just started allowing her to walk part of the way to school on her own and to be alone in the house for short periods such as when I walk the dog round the block but I too would be a bit nervous about her coming home alone and letting herself in most days after school. In a couple of years I would think it would be fine but for now, despite the fact that DD is very sensible I probably wouldn't do it. Equally I don't think it is a terribly irrepsonsible thing to do if you do try it.

cheesesarnie · 22/02/2012 17:16

you sound unsure which makes me think no in this case.
usually id say it depends on the child.dd was doing it aged 10 but ds1 whos 10,i wouldnt dream of letting him.
maybe you could try leaving him while you pop out for 10 minutes,then 20 minutes etc.
would you or anyone else you/he trusts be contactable?

nowittynamehere · 22/02/2012 17:17

Oh and i think its fine for children to walk to school especially 8/9 yr olds as they are going to be going to High school its fine for them to walk IMO as long as the school is in walking distance and they walk home with friends , I think it is sad that parents are scared and anxious to let children walk home ,

DonInKillerHeels · 22/02/2012 17:18

I walked to and from school by myself every day when I was 7, though looking back on it now that was really too young. And I took myself into the city on the train - 1 1/2 hours each way - every Saturday for orchestra from the time I was 11.

I don't think he's too young.

joanofarchitrave · 22/02/2012 17:20

I think it's absolutely fine (brutal). Some training beforehand maybe. Bury a key in the garden in a Tupperware box, or consider installing an entry code for the front door instead (I keep meaning to do this as am a terrible key loser, but in fact having a purse that hangs round my neck and a key that I tie to that has reduced the loss incidence at the mo). Practice ringing you a few times. Talk through what he would do/where he would go if anything did go wrong - ring you? Local friend/neighbour?

Depends on the child's opinion too - how does he feel about it?

Notinmykitchen · 22/02/2012 17:24

I think he'd be OK at that age. Could he ring you when he got home so you'd know he'd got there OK?

cinnamonswirls · 22/02/2012 17:25

I started at 10.5 and now 9 mths later have had no trouble and it has been a good solution - we live in a quiet village with lovely neighbours where there is a lot of support around.

Most of his Yr 6 class are now taking themselves home from school and a few like ds are latchkey kids

It is a bit scarey at first but now it is fine. He gets in, he calls me - all is well. As a vdfriend said "Some kids you wouldn't leave alone in a wendy house but he will be perfectly OK"

I probably wouldn't if I was unsure of the area and didn't have immediate neighbours I know he could count on if there were any problems. Or if he was a bit silly and immature.

It is your decision to make based on your circumstances in the end

Original poster

VonHerrBurton · 22/02/2012 17:35

Hmm. Not sure at all. Having a friend's dc for tea one night then vice versa would be just a perfect set up. However, give or take a couple of kids he regularly mentions, all the parents work and have childcare in place, be it family, wrap around, whatever. I have given it quite a bit of thought before asking on here, hence most other options have been dead ends.

It's the being at home on his own bit that I think is the issue for me. He's played out with his friends for 18 months or so, for hours on end, but DH and/or I would always be in. Walking home isn't the worry. Most of our neighbours would be at work also, so there's no definate 'go-to' person. 98 year old lovely lady down the road would take an hour to get to the door

I think I'm erring towards saying no. I'll only be worried and probably ineffectual at work - certainly 'til I get used to it. Thanks so much to everyone for helping me make a decision.

OP posts:

TotemPole · 22/02/2012 17:37

Is there a public library near school or a cafe that he could get a drink of juice and a biscuit. Then you pick him up from where ever he is. Get him a cheap PAYG mobile so you can keep in touch.

Devora · 22/02/2012 17:41

we-ell... I was doing this most days from a younger age. Plenty of children did back then. So I wouldn't think you unreasonable if you did do it. But it's clear that you're not comfortable with it, and so I think you should trust your instincts.

HerRoyalNotness · 22/02/2012 18:31

I'm not sure if I would or not, my oldest is only 4.5yo, so plenty of time before that. I know my brother used to walk me home from primary, I was 5, he was only 18mths older, and if dad wasn't home, we knew where the spare key was. We've really always been latchkey kids, and as we got older, we had to start the dinner, get the washing in etc.... not that i'd want that for my two.

However, if I was going to consider it at age 10 for mine, and it was only 5mins from school, I would have a plan and rules in place.
As soon as he gets in, he has to call you that he is home, safe and the front door is locked.
No answering the phone or the door.
Emergency contacts by the home phone, and yes, their own mobile, with numbers programmed. If they felt scared or something wasn't right, they'd have to call and I'd be straight home.
A go to house - even if your son could go to the elderly neighbours if he felt it necessary, just to wait for you. You need at least one house.
No cooking. I'd leave out snacks in the morning that he could have when he got in.
A plan if there was a fire or he hurt himself, what should he do, who should he call, where should he go.
He should be discrete about this arrangement to himself, not tell his friends etc.. You don't want all and sundry knowing a 10yo is home alone.
Not accepting lifts from anyone.

Practice different scenario's until you are both confident

upahill · 22/02/2012 18:51

I would and did.
He liked coming home and putting the tv on and having peace for an hour and half before we came in.
He called it his chill time!!!

upahill · 22/02/2012 18:53

oh, we lived 5 mins from the primary school and the neighbours were in so he felt comfortable going round if he had to - we checked with them. As it turned out he never needed to.

dandelionss · 23/02/2012 14:49

Totempole- yopu think he's better hanging out in a public place than at home!!!

Scholes34 · 23/02/2012 14:55

I think I'd wait until he starts secondary school. There are things he'd miss out on socially after school if you're not there to make ad-hoc arrangements. He'd no doubt be fine, but you obviously feel unsure. When they're at secondary school they suddenly feel grown up, so I'd be tempted to wait until then and are more likely to make arrangements with friends anyway in a way primary school children don't.

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