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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MN I need your advice asap!!

72 replies

Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 09:21

I am a reg who has name changed.

A few days ago a friend text and asked if anyone knew of rooms for rent or had a spare room, she was being evicted with her 2 DC age 19 and 22.

Me being a softy felt sorry for them and said they could stay here.

so the DC have been but in the 2 days they have laid on the sofa with the heating and tv on sleeping and farting, they keep closing the windows and the whole place stinks.

Don't get me wrong I don't have a palace!!!

they have use £15 gas in 2 days.

neither have washed or showered in that time they are in the same clothes still.
they are using my internet and phone and all 3 are here throughout the day.
one of the dc is asleep most of the day and up all night with tv and lights on.

DP is going to bed at 7-8 because of it as is DS1 and I am in bed by 11 instead of being able to relax in my own home.

WWYD???

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 09:24

Did you make it clear that you were offering a very very temporary solution?

They may be "dc" to her, but they are both adults, and need to sort themselves out.

You need to say they must go down to the housing office now. It is not your problem.

AKMD · 20/10/2011 09:24

Give them 72 hours notice to find somewhere else and say that you want £xxx to cover the food and utilities they have used. They are taking the Shock

GypsyMoth · 20/10/2011 09:25

Evict them!!

Then they can go to council to get help

But really, 3 adults? Aren't they working? Why can't they come up with enough to rent privately?

squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 09:25

And if I was your partner, I would be bloody furious.. so I would act quite quickly if I were you!!!

colken · 20/10/2011 09:25

If you don't want them to go elsewhere, list some house rules. It is your home and you are being kind. That does not mean that you have to be a doormat and it does not mean that they can use your things as if they are theirs.

It's obvious why they were evicted, isn't it? You could suggest that your home is smaller than you thought to house so many people and give them a period of time to find somewhere else.

aldiwhore · 20/10/2011 09:25

Oh crikey I honestly don't know, its only been two days... but ew.

I'd sit down with your friend and ask her how long she'll need to stay for and if its more than a week you'll need to arrange some kind of financial agreement for the basics. Put the heating on the timer.

I take it the main offenders are her 2 dc? Tell them that the water's on, and not to be shy about having a shower! Sometimes house guests need leading to the bathroom because they feel awkward about just having a bath/shower etc., Make light of it, tell them in general that the house is getting stinky with so many bodies in it, so you're having a blitz, and would appreciate their help... give them a job to do.

Other than that I don't know.

You do need to know roughly how long this is going to last for though.

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 20/10/2011 09:27

Dont call them DC, they are not children, they are adults.

And they have been evicted from their previous dwelling.
I am sorry, but what were you thinking? Shock

Having said that. You need to lay down some grown rules so they dont take a piss, and tell them that household bills will be split 5 ways in the time they are with you, as you now have 5 adults living in the house. Tell them they have until after the weekend to find somewhere else as they cannot stay longer.

If she is a friend, you should be able to talk to her about this.

Do non of them work?

gethelp · 20/10/2011 09:27

You are being taken advantage of, but you know that. What a shame but they are putting you in the position of having to lay down some ground rules. First of all find out when they intend to leave and make it clear yours is a short term offer only. DC's? At that age they're adults and should be behaving themselves in someone else's house.

gethelp · 20/10/2011 09:28

MN has spoken!

LemonPeel · 20/10/2011 09:29

oh blimey! Typical of someone who is trying to help, to get shat upon like this.

Tell them you have whoever coming to stay with you and that you will need the room after the weekend.

GypsyMoth · 20/10/2011 09:30

Where is all their stuff?

Furniture etc

screamingbohemian · 20/10/2011 09:31

I'm really Shock that men that age can't sort something else out. Do they not have friends they can crash with? or they can get a tiny room in a shared house for not very much money.

I think you should tell your friend that your house can't handle so many extra people for more than a few days. Maybe she could stay with you herself but her boys have to go elsewhere.

I can't believe how rude and stinky people can be!

marriedinwhite · 20/10/2011 09:32

Why aren't the boys working? Why isn't the mother working? Tell them immediately that you only stepped in whilst they sorted themselves out and agree a date by when you expect t hem to do this and make it clear this arrangement is temporary - no more than one week. In the meantime you expect the boys to get up in the morning, do some jobs for you (garden, outdoor paintwork, etc) and then get off to look for work. In fact I would say that I didn't want them in the house at all between 9 - 6 (normal working hours). You need also to agree some rent/bills money.

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 09:33

"the room" is my living room they only move from the sofa to use the toilet. I have been sitting at my dining table for the entire time and no i know 2 days is not long.

I made it clear that it was a temp situation and mum seemed fine with this she is staying with family who didn't have room for all of them. I also said I would help them find somewhere asap.

Only 1 works and thats mum.

OP posts:
screamingbohemian · 20/10/2011 09:33

I mean, the worst that can happen, if you talk to your friend, is that she gets upset and you are no longer friends. But tbh if she were really a good friend, she would not let her sons treat you this way.

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 09:34

they have no furniture just bags and 3 suitcases.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadyHallows · 20/10/2011 09:35

So she has dumped two adult off spring on you, and is herself living elsewhere?

You must tell the boys that need to be out of the house looking for work, or doing work in your home, but they cant sit and do nothing all day. You are the boss. SHOW them you are the boss. Tell them it is ridiculous for two adults to sit and watch tv for two whole days.

AKMD · 20/10/2011 09:35

Sorry but it is not your job to find them somewhere else to go. They are 3 adults, who should be more than capable of finding somewhere to live by themselves.

squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 09:36

Sorry but this is your living room. That is not a spare room that is suitable for two adults to stay in for any more than one night when you have a other people who actually live in the house and need their space.

There is a reason why they were evicted, and they all sound like a load of cheeky sods.

You need to tell them they have to leave ASAP and carry it out.

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 09:36

She is out with them now looking for somewhere, its the first time they have been out to do so.

But they have had time to look I would have thought as an eviction doesn't happen over night.

OP posts:
TotemPole · 20/10/2011 09:36

19 and 22, they can go to the council and ask to be housed independently of mum. Evict them then, they are homeless and will be put in temporary accomodation.

LemonPeel · 20/10/2011 09:37

Bloody hell thast the mum has dumped her kids off on you and is staying with relatives herself. This should be the other way round surely. You need to get on the blower and ask how she is getting along looking, and say it how it is. Tell her they are not doing alot and just watching tv etc all day. Reiterate that this was only for a few days, and either they swap and you ge the mum or they all go.

screamingbohemian · 20/10/2011 09:37

x-post

Do you have gumtree in your area? I might print out a list of available shared rooms, give it to them, and tell them they need to find their next lodgings by Monday.

aldiwhore · 20/10/2011 09:37

So Mum isn't there? Right then, you have the power to be the boss and lay donw YOUR rules!!

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 20/10/2011 09:39

Nooooo, that's ridiculous! Between 3 adults they cannot find/afford their own accomodation? I have a feeling you will be stuck with your guests until you forcibly evict them.

You are clearly a much nicer than me kind person, but I would give them a deadline of say Friday, and stick to it.

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