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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MN I need your advice asap!!

72 replies

Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 09:21

I am a reg who has name changed.

A few days ago a friend text and asked if anyone knew of rooms for rent or had a spare room, she was being evicted with her 2 DC age 19 and 22.

Me being a softy felt sorry for them and said they could stay here.

so the DC have been but in the 2 days they have laid on the sofa with the heating and tv on sleeping and farting, they keep closing the windows and the whole place stinks.

Don't get me wrong I don't have a palace!!!

they have use £15 gas in 2 days.

neither have washed or showered in that time they are in the same clothes still.
they are using my internet and phone and all 3 are here throughout the day.
one of the dc is asleep most of the day and up all night with tv and lights on.

DP is going to bed at 7-8 because of it as is DS1 and I am in bed by 11 instead of being able to relax in my own home.

WWYD???

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 09:39

Tell her they are not doing alot and just watching tv etc all day

I very much doubt this will come as any news to her Grin... or bother her...

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 09:39

I feel like I have totally screwed up by offering to help as this is how I am being paid back.

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 09:40

Yes, you have screwed up, but its not unfixable.

Simply say that you are sorry, your partner is very unhappy with the situation, and they have to move out, today. Let them go and doss on a relatives sofa with their mother.

catsareevil · 20/10/2011 09:40

Why arent they looking for anywhere to go. Tell them that they have to be out, and you cant keep them past 5 pm tomorrow. How is sitting on your sofa helping them to find a place to live?

Bledkr · 20/10/2011 09:41

Hahaha My ds3 has returned to the nest after abreak up with his gf.He is 21.I have laid down the rules they involve,payment,cooking and washing for himself,household chores and no hogging of the tv/pc.
He is my own son i certainly wouldnt expect any less from a friends children.Either set down the rules or kicke em to the kerb.

SeaShellsOnTheSeaShore · 20/10/2011 09:42

Um, sorry but if they are taking the piss this much, only 2 days in to staying with you...what on earth are they going to be like when they "feel at home/comfortable" Hmm

They need to be out, and fast. Get your family to have a visit planned this weekend to stay with you, and clear them out.

I'm sorry, I have sympathy for their situation, but I also have a small flat with no spare room,and have visitors staying in our bedroom or in the living room floor and it drives me up the wall after 3-4 days, and I love them to bits!

I hope it gets sorted quickly :)

LaLaLaLayla · 20/10/2011 09:45

Can you write a letter for them to take to the Housing Office?

By the way, don't berate yourself for doing something kind. Equally, don't berate yourself for asking them to leave.

NorfolkNCovern · 20/10/2011 09:52

B&B rules in place ASAP. Out by 9 and not back in before 6.

screamingbohemian · 20/10/2011 10:02

OP you have not screwed up by being kind and offering to help. You sound like a lovely friend.

They have screwed up by treating you this way!

Don't be so hard on yourself Smile

LemonPeel · 20/10/2011 10:05

why were they evicted from their last place out of interest?

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 10:32

Sorry I had to pop out to the shop. but am back now.

OP posts:
aquashiv · 20/10/2011 11:00

DC age 19 and 22 they arent children they are adults.
This behaviour will continue if you allow. Just tell them you need your house back.

Icelollycraving · 20/10/2011 11:02

Well you are kind but they are being little shits. No doubt someone will say the mn favourite 'entitled' any minute now. Don't sit seething,take matters into your own hands. Tell them that heating is off unless they want to pay for it. Get in the living room,hand them a duster & Hoover & tell them to get cracking. That should get them out from under your feet.
Call the friend & say you were glad you could help but it was a v temp arrsngement & that having lived with her sons you & your husband are retracting the offer. Explain you can't afford for them to be there (what with the escalating costs of fumigation). :o

TiredMUMMYno1 · 20/10/2011 11:05

Grin @ fumigation

TiredMUMMYno1 · 20/10/2011 11:10

Op do you want them to stay as long as they start acting better ie. Clean, tidy, shower, and contribute to the house, and stop using your house as they please. Or have you completely changed your mind, and just want your house back now you realised you shouldnt have offered?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/10/2011 11:16

I like the B&B rules of be out between 9am and 6pm. They should both be working or at least seeking work, not lying about.

OP... you are a saint but enough is enough! Shock

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 11:16

i want my home back as it is disturbing and upsetting everyone tbh

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 20/10/2011 11:31

Entirely agree with all so far. You have been too kind for your own good. Give them till tomorrow. And not a day longer. And I wouldn?t offer to have their mother instead ? she may be no better, age and gender notwithstanding.

But Quintessential you have provided the typo to end them all. Rules so that they don?t take a piss? Well, that would certainly get them out but might leave an even worse mess when they have gone. Perhaps take the piss? :o

TiredMUMMYno1 · 20/10/2011 11:43

If thats the case op then give them til tomorrow, tell them to get to the council, with a note from yourself saying they have until tomorrow 6pm to rehouse them

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 20/10/2011 11:47

he he Andrew Grin Maybe that is why they stink....

screamingbohemian · 20/10/2011 12:07

In that case I think you should just call your friend and tell her the boys have to go. You don't have to give a big explanation, just say that the house is too small and the boys are costing you more money than you had expected.

Society makes us think sometimes that we can't just say NO, but we can! Of course we can!

These people are not treating you well and you need to stand up for your family. It's not fair to them.

confusedpixie · 20/10/2011 12:10

wtf? They're 19 and 22, why are they not out of the home yet?!

Places to lodge are piss easy to find. Direct them to spareroom.co.uk and tell them they have two days to get out.

I get really peeved when young people take the piss like that, gives the rest of us a bad rep Angry

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 16:08

I have told DP to have a word with them. They are expecting dinner tonight but I am going out for dinner with my children and DP.

When we come back he can tell them

OP posts:
screamingbohemian · 20/10/2011 16:47

Shock at 'they are expecting dinner tonight'

Yes they have to go. Now.

Original poster
Ihavescrewedup · 20/10/2011 19:30

well we are back now, had another friend come and collect something i was giving away. there was crashing and banging, the one who is here is asleep on the sofa and never stirred YEAH SURE he is still snoring as i type this,

He is sitting barefoot and is so dirty his toenails are black!!! and his feet are stinking! so i sprayed them with air freshner as i passed him Grin

OP posts: