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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want another few kids

33 replies

Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 09:53

I did have plans to go to uni , but I feel pg with my wonderful ds ( was a teen mother) and have been a SAHM ever since ds is a toddler now, I did an ou course to try and get something under my belt, my goal is to be a SW.

I'v been a bit muddled as to what to do next I do want some kids I thought I would be very pressured to go back to work, (I dont have one to go back to I think id go down the care route) And I've been thinking I wouldn't get into a well paid job becuase I've been a carer/sahm all my life and all those wages would probably go to cover the childcare and not much else, would AIBU to after I get ds potty trained to have another 1 or 2 kids close together then dust off my hands and go to work permanently.

just want some advice please be gentle [hblush]

OP posts:
AKMD · 18/10/2011 09:54

Maybe post again in parenting? AIBU isn't gentle, sorry.

Hammy02 · 18/10/2011 09:56

Who is going to pay for them? Sorry for such an obvious question.

tryingtoleave · 18/10/2011 09:56

If you had another child soon, you would probably still be young enough to get a qualification once they are a little older and to build a career once they are in school. I don't think it is such a bad idea, as long as you think you will be able to afford the childcare/afterschool care you will need later in order to study/work.

Jawbreaker · 18/10/2011 10:00

I think there is a lot to be said for having your kids young and then perhaps retraining and approaching your career afresh in your 30s. Some of the happiest, most successful women I know have done this.

You will need to have a plan as to how you are going to afford childcare, though. Even if you wait until your kids are at school, you'll very likely need before-and-after school care if you are planning on a career in social care.

If it helps at all, I didn't have my kids young (was late twenties), but I did completely retrain when my oldest started school and my youngest was in p/t nursery, and it has worked out well for me.

MurderBloodstabsandgore · 18/10/2011 10:06

YABU to plan children you can't afford.

A lot of us work and spend all our wages on childcare. We do it so we stay employable and get a pension etc.

It's a long term plan.

Original poster
Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 10:07

Who is going to pay for them? Sorry for such an obvious question.

Sorry my DP works full time ,

OP posts:
Original poster
Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 10:08

all good points

OP posts:
tryingtoleave · 18/10/2011 10:09

Bit rude to assume the op doesn't have anyone to support dcs just because she is young.

littleducks · 18/10/2011 10:12

Is social work degree still applicable for an nhs bursary? If it is I would get on the course quickly as they will be decreasing or disappearing altogether! You can get help with childcare costs too.

I have 2 dcs, am currently in yr2 of a speech therapy degree (with a bursary) and plan to possibly have another child or two in a few years, as I am still mid twenties.

fedupofnamechanging · 18/10/2011 10:12

I think you might find it very hard to do all the relevant training when you have more than one child to look after. Also, if you are not already established in a career that you love, it is very demotivating to work full time and to see all your wages sucked into child care. You may also find that you can't earn enough to pay for child care, food, rent, utilities for a family with more than one child, so would be unable to pursue your chosen career.

If I were you, I would hold off on having more dc at the moment and get started on the career. Once you have something to compare with being a sahm, you may well decide that having more dc is for you, but you may equally decide that it isn't. You became a mother at a young age and I think you need to see a bit of something else, even if it's only to reassure you that having more dc is the right thing to do.

lesley33 · 18/10/2011 10:13

There is nothing wrong with wanting more children. But you do have to think of the future. Unless you are going to carry on having DC for next 20 years so they only reach 16 as you reach retirement age - you are going to have a lot of years - probably 20 plus, when your DC are adults and you will still be pretty young.

So basically you would end up either in early 40's being unemployed for 20 plus years or trying to get into a decent job then - not impossible, but very difficult.

So think of your future as well.

MosEisley · 18/10/2011 10:18

I agree with karma.

YANBU to want more kids, but maybe it is better to wait until you have your qualifications and some work experience. From your post it sounds like you are still young.

Can I suggest that maybe it is a bit daunting for you, scary even, to consider starting the study / work you want to do now? Perhaps because you know about being a Mum so it feels easier to stick with that? If that is the case, then you need support and encouragement - someone positive telling you that you CAN get qualifications and have a successful career, and later have more children, too.

Good luck!

Original poster
Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 10:25

I've just finished my course so i'll see how my results leave me, I can see both sides i've been battling over them both for years Im also concerned about about the stigma that alot of people thrown at young mothers, I think thats the main thing

I've been told alot of social care training dont really accept under 25's becuase they need LE, that was another factor too.

OP posts:
Jawbreaker · 18/10/2011 10:28

Roll on, you are right. Certainly for the social work diploma, they are looking for people with some life experience and at least a year's work experience in a social care setting. Could you look into some part-time hours in social? Dip your toe in the water and see how it feels?

Jawbreaker · 18/10/2011 10:29

social care

Original poster
Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 10:34

yeah that might be an idea I always thought Id perhaps look a care work via contacting the council

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Ephiny · 18/10/2011 10:37

It might be a good idea to get some qualifications and work experience now if you have the opportunities, that will make it easier for you to get back into work later, and also might give you a bit more confidence and more choices about what you do. I would generally say if you want children then don't leave it too late. But if you're still very young, you can probably afford to wait a few years.

I assume your DP is supporting you financially? Are you married? If not then I'd also think carefully about how you'd manage if you were to split up, you can end up in quite a vulnerable position if you're unmarried and don't have an income/savings of your own, and if your home is not in your name (not sure if any of this is the case for you, just things to think about).

Moominsarescary · 18/10/2011 10:44

I did an access to nursing course when the dcs were young, they also did access to sw have a look at local college courses ( could be under access to health care)

I couldn't get into nursing without recent study at A level standard so the access course was the easiest route

Moominsarescary · 18/10/2011 10:46

Sorry brain not working this morning, just read you have allready taken a course!

Original poster
Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 10:57

we not married but together,

I think Im gonna perhaps get ds pottytrained then revaluate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 13:06

Any body made a similar choice then regret/glad they did???

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EricNorthmansMistress · 18/10/2011 13:21

You can't do SW through the OU by the way - unless you are sponsored by your employer.

EricNorthmansMistress · 18/10/2011 13:24

I think you should get your qualification before any more DCs and get a career established. I work in social care and my job is not secure because I don't have the right qualification. I couldn't have got it pre-DC for various reasons but now I feel quite insecure TBH. There are no guarantees in the future and if you have a professional qualification you will be far far better off than if you wait.

Original poster
Rollon2012 · 18/10/2011 14:01

Yeah I know ENM would have to work for 2 years I think

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 18/10/2011 14:05

I think it's a good idea to have your kids close togther
then you can have easily another 30 years in which to work and build up a good pension