to want another few kids

[Rollon2012]

I did have plans to go to uni , but I feel pg with my wonderful ds ( was a teen mother) and have been a SAHM ever since ds is a toddler now, I did an ou course to try and get something under my belt, my goal is to be a SW.

I'v been a bit muddled as to what to do next I do want some kids I thought I would be very pressured to go back to work, (I dont have one to go back to I think id go down the care route) And I've been thinking I wouldn't get into a well paid job becuase I've been a carer/sahm all my life and all those wages would probably go to cover the childcare and not much else, would AIBU to after I get ds potty trained to have another 1 or 2 kids close together then dust off my hands and go to work permanently.

just want some advice please be gentle [hblush]

[Rollon2012]

*head and heart

[Rollon2012]

hmm its hard listening to my head and hard iu'm really longing for another kid and really broody but I have to do whats sensible too.

[hokeycakey]

Hi rollon

I was not as young as you for dc1 but mid twenties, I had done a degree and worked a few years in social care but no big career as such, I stopped working when I had ds and then had dd 2 years later I am now pregnant with dc3 who may or may not be the last :) I have retrained in a flexible new career which I LOVE and pays well during this time and hope to build up more hours as dcs grow up,

Agree with others to get your ducks in a row regards dp and what would happen if u split but I have a single parent friend who trained as a social worker after dcs so anything is possible!

For me personally I think dcs and then the career is best but you must know in your heart what you really want

[Rollon2012]

hmm im actually quite impressed I was expecting some nasty ones

good examples of both has definetly made me think.

[harassedandherbug]

I had ds1 at 18, and then ds2 at 20 for very similar reasons to you. Xh (we were married then!!) worked full time and we could afford for me not to work. I went back to work part time and college part time when ds2 started at nursery and it worked out really well for me! I've got a good, well paid job and thought I was done with kids.

Then xh and I got divorced! Actually it's 10 years ago almost exactly that we split up..... A few years later I met my now dh and we have a 5yr old and at the age of 41 I'm 7 mths preg. Doing motherhood both ways .

[jellybeans]

I was in a simelar position. I entered professional training after DD1 but hated leaving her in a nursery full time. I then had DD2 and SAH for over 10 years-having another 3 kids (have 5 now). I am in (early) 30s and halfway through an OU degree. I am very glad I had mine young as my health isn't as good now as it was and also I lost 4 pregnancies (2 late) but was lucky to be young enough to try again. I wish back then I wsn't so worried about 'getting back to work' and bowing to the pressure expected of me to get a paid job. I have much enjoyed SAH and my kids will all be grown up or school junior age when i am still under 40. I may never reach as high in my career (which i am changing direction with my current degree) but I don't care. My advice is to have kids now if that is what you want and don't worry about the career. maybe look into OU study before the fees go up. But raising kids is a perfectly good vocation! Then you have your whole 30/40/50/60 and beyond for a career! Good luck.

[4madboys]

i had my first when at uni and have had four more since, so 5 in 11yrs, and now at 32 am done having babies and once my littlest is old enough will start volunteering to get experience and looking for work etc. i have another 30yrs to work, so for me it was the right thing to do, to have all the kids we wanted and enjoy looking after them and studying (have done some ou etc) and then to go back to work when they are a bit older. i am sure it will be hard to get into the job market again, but am happy to do voluntary work etc to build my cv up and more training if necessary :)

[alwayspoor]

I was early 20s when fell pregnant with DD1, I was in a career that I didn't want to do anymore and I wanted to stay at home with DD so I did. DH worked/es FT. I then went on to have 2 more daughters in the following 7 years.

In this time I have managed one ou course and am just about to start second one. I have also trained to do another job (can't say as will out myself). I am now early thirties and thinking about having another child when DD3 starts school in two years OR I might start trying to find work, do more OU or re-train.

Not very helpful, am I? I would say that its hard with more than one child to study, train etc However if you have them close together and they are at school may be easier.

[cjbartlett]

I think it's a good idea to have your kids close togther
then you can have easily another 30 years in which to work and build up a good pension

[Rollon2012]

Yeah I know ENM would have to work for 2 years I think

[EricNorthmansMistress]

I think you should get your qualification before any more DCs and get a career established. I work in social care and my job is not secure because I don't have the right qualification. I couldn't have got it pre-DC for various reasons but now I feel quite insecure TBH. There are no guarantees in the future and if you have a professional qualification you will be far far better off than if you wait.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

You can't do SW through the OU by the way - unless you are sponsored by your employer.

[Rollon2012]

Any body made a similar choice then regret/glad they did???

[Rollon2012]

we not married but together,

I think Im gonna perhaps get ds pottytrained then revaluate.

[Moominsarescary]

Sorry brain not working this morning, just read you have allready taken a course!

[Moominsarescary]

I did an access to nursing course when the dcs were young, they also did access to sw have a look at local college courses ( could be under access to health care)

I couldn't get into nursing without recent study at A level standard so the access course was the easiest route

[Ephiny]

It might be a good idea to get some qualifications and work experience now if you have the opportunities, that will make it easier for you to get back into work later, and also might give you a bit more confidence and more choices about what you do. I would generally say if you want children then don't leave it too late. But if you're still very young, you can probably afford to wait a few years.

I assume your DP is supporting you financially? Are you married? If not then I'd also think carefully about how you'd manage if you were to split up, you can end up in quite a vulnerable position if you're unmarried and don't have an income/savings of your own, and if your home is not in your name (not sure if any of this is the case for you, just things to think about).

[Rollon2012]

yeah that might be an idea I always thought Id perhaps look a care work via contacting the council

[Jawbreaker]

social care

[Jawbreaker]

Roll on, you are right. Certainly for the social work diploma, they are looking for people with some life experience and at least a year's work experience in a social care setting. Could you look into some part-time hours in social? Dip your toe in the water and see how it feels?

[Rollon2012]

I've just finished my course so i'll see how my results leave me, I can see both sides i've been battling over them both for years Im also concerned about about the stigma that alot of people thrown at young mothers, I think thats the main thing

I've been told alot of social care training dont really accept under 25's becuase they need LE, that was another factor too.

[MosEisley]

I agree with karma.

YANBU to want more kids, but maybe it is better to wait until you have your qualifications and some work experience. From your post it sounds like you are still young.

Can I suggest that maybe it is a bit daunting for you, scary even, to consider starting the study / work you want to do now? Perhaps because you know about being a Mum so it feels easier to stick with that? If that is the case, then you need support and encouragement - someone positive telling you that you CAN get qualifications and have a successful career, and later have more children, too.

Good luck!

[lesley33]

There is nothing wrong with wanting more children. But you do have to think of the future. Unless you are going to carry on having DC for next 20 years so they only reach 16 as you reach retirement age - you are going to have a lot of years - probably 20 plus, when your DC are adults and you will still be pretty young.

So basically you would end up either in early 40's being unemployed for 20 plus years or trying to get into a decent job then - not impossible, but very difficult.

So think of your future as well.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I think you might find it very hard to do all the relevant training when you have more than one child to look after. Also, if you are not already established in a career that you love, it is very demotivating to work full time and to see all your wages sucked into child care. You may also find that you can't earn enough to pay for child care, food, rent, utilities for a family with more than one child, so would be unable to pursue your chosen career.

If I were you, I would hold off on having more dc at the moment and get started on the career. Once you have something to compare with being a sahm, you may well decide that having more dc is for you, but you may equally decide that it isn't. You became a mother at a young age and I think you need to see a bit of something else, even if it's only to reassure you that having more dc is the right thing to do.

[littleducks]

Is social work degree still applicable for an nhs bursary? If it is I would get on the course quickly as they will be decreasing or disappearing altogether! You can get help with childcare costs too.

I have 2 dcs, am currently in yr2 of a speech therapy degree (with a bursary) and plan to possibly have another child or two in a few years, as I am still mid twenties.