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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD slapped at school

66 replies

doinmummy · 08/10/2011 15:34

AIBU to expect some feed back from my DD school after she was slapped round the face by another pupil? I went to the school on the day it happened and spoke to the deputy head who said he would deal with it. The girl who slapped my daughter was taken home by her mother and was kept off school for 2 days. I would like to know what action the school has taken. I phoned and left a message but no one from the school has called me back. AIBU to not want the 2 days that the girl had off to be classed as punishment and want the school to exclude her? AIBU to expect the school to let me know what they have done about this?

OP posts:
ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 08/10/2011 15:37

How old is your child?

I got slapped across the face in secondary school (was about 16) but i think it was deserved because I had pulled her boyfriend.

(Im not like that now, Ive grown up haha)

valiumredhead · 08/10/2011 15:40

I think it's U to expect the school to exclude someone for a slap if it was a one off - there needs to be much more to it than that.

How old is your dd? And what was the slap for?

DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 15:41

You have the right to ask the school what they are doing to safeguard your daughter, and to ensure that this doesn't happen again.
You do not have the right to demand to know about exclusions and how the girl is to be punished. That is vindictive and vengeful.

BOOareHaunting · 08/10/2011 15:41

The 2 days probably were exclusion. YANBU to want to know the girl was punished though. You'll only get some information because of confidentiality.

activate · 08/10/2011 15:42

it is not your right to know what they've done to the other child - it is your right to know how they will protect your daughter in the future

she may well have been excluded for 2 days - you don't know and you have no right to know

Sirzy · 08/10/2011 15:42

Sounds like she has been punished and being punished once
Is plenty!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/10/2011 15:42

The school has probably already taken the action - the two days off was possibly at their behest. I think you can expect feedback in terms of knowing that the matter has been dealt with but not what the action taken was. Why do you need to know that?

I think it's a bit over the top anyway, children are often petty and spiteful and lash out... the girl needs to know that it's not acceptable but it never is a question of people slapping others for no reason. What did you daughter say the provocation was?

Oakmaiden · 08/10/2011 15:43

I don't think the school have a duty to let you know how they are punishing other children?

I also don't necessarily think a single slap is an exclusion offence. It depends a lot on the situation, the age of the children, etc.

That said - how do you know the girl was off through her mother's choice and not as an exclusion?

Booooooyhoo · 08/10/2011 15:43

agree with downbytheriverside. you have no right to know what punishments are being given to other pupils. you do have a right to know that the school are doing what the can to prevent it happening again.

CupOfBrownJoy · 08/10/2011 15:44

If its a one off I don't think its such a big deal (depending on age of daughter possibly)

Why did the other girl slap your daughter?

I also got slapped over a boy when I was about 15 Smile. No harm done (but the boy wasn't worth it!)

DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 15:44

You haven't mentioned why your DD was slapped.
My son used to be bear-baited by others verbally until he lashed out because it amused his peers.

NorfolkBroad · 08/10/2011 15:45

Its wrong that nobody called you back. I would be annoyed about that. Is your dd ok? Hope this was a very unfortunate one off.

Original poster
doinmummy · 08/10/2011 15:51

The girl who slapped her is known for being a bit off the rails. My daughter had a red mark under her eye and was very very upset. She was slapped because she didn't want to stay the night at this girls house....the mother is very loud and often swears at the children. My DD is 13. I just wanted to know that this has been dealt with as the school seems a bit lax on carrying out promises. A bad case of bullying last year resulted in the school saying they would write to the parents but they didn't in the end.

OP posts:
Alouiseg · 08/10/2011 15:52

If the school won't play ball then take it to the police. It's assault, treat it exactly the same as you would if it was an attack in the street.

Original poster
doinmummy · 08/10/2011 15:57

The school did say that i could call the police if i wanted. I'm not that horrible that i want the girl to be arrested. In fact i feel sorry for her as she hasn't got a great role model in her mother who was shouting and swearing when she arrived at the school and had to be asked to calm down and not swear at everyone. I'm just so fed up DD had an awful year last year when she was bullied and now this.

OP posts:
minimisschief · 08/10/2011 16:04

being sent home from school 2 days is an exclusion. Or are you asking for her to be expelled because if so that is rather harsh

Alouiseg · 08/10/2011 16:11

You might be doing the girl a favour if you escalate it to the police, I would hope that they would involve other agencies to get to the bottom of the girls problems.

Original poster
doinmummy · 08/10/2011 16:11

No I do not want her expelled. She was kept home by her mother.... The mother herself told me this....She came into my place of work and said that she wasn't going to send her daughter to "that shithole of a school ever again" I just want to know that the school have stepped up to the plate and dealt with it themselves.

OP posts:
minimisschief · 08/10/2011 16:35

well if she was that irate then she was told her daughter was excluded. why else would she be angry at the school if they gave no punishment.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/10/2011 16:40

You said in your OP you wanted the child excluded but later that you didn't want her expelled. How long do you want her excluded for?

IME you are bloody lucky that the child who hit yours has had any punishment.

wantadvice · 08/10/2011 16:42

If someone slapped me I'd report to teh police. I would be tempted to report to the police, op.

CupOfBrownJoy · 08/10/2011 16:48

^ Hmm

CupOfBrownJoy · 08/10/2011 16:50

Your DD's school sounds a bit crap tbh. They should be all over any bullying issues...

In the circs I would check up that they have (this time) followed up anything they said they would do regarding the incident, just to check that you're not being paid lip service to, iyswim.

Other than that, tell your DD to steer well clear, as I'm sure you have done already...

MrHeadlessMan · 08/10/2011 16:54

To be honest I feel most sorry for the girl doing the slapping. She has probably learned physical violence as a response from home. She has probably had a very rough life so far and things are probably not looking up.

I think if you can, it would be good to be the bigger person and tell your daughter that though it is never right to slap, the girl has been punished and it is time to move on. I don't see how it will help anyone to escalate it. I might talk to the class teacher though about the other girl's home situation to see if she thinks that professional intervention would help her.

ragged · 08/10/2011 16:55

Would it not give the girl a permanent criminal record to be investigated by police for assault? With enhanced CRB checks there is no such thing as a spent conviction any more. Sorry, but to do that to someone, it would take more than a slap for me to think she deserved her employment and volunteer prospects blighted for life.

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