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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel odd that DD called me mama?

61 replies

tapemetothepost · 08/10/2011 00:06

DD called my 'mama' today - like properly, meaning me.

I'm her guardian

AIBU to be really freaked out and not know what to do?
If anyone asks she is my DD but I have never referred to myself as 'mama/mammy/mam' to her
I know I'm doing that role but her mam is someone else - my best friend to be exact.

I just... I feel odd about it. AIBU to feel odd about it? like I'm betraying BF?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 08/10/2011 00:10

It's lovely for you Smile

But I can see why you might feel a bit uncomfortable about it.

How old is your DD?

WoodBetweenTheWorlds · 08/10/2011 00:11

Hmm, how old is she? Does she see her mum, and does she know what their relationship is? Is she living with you long term?

aldiwhore · 08/10/2011 00:12

I think its testament to how DD feels about you, perfectly innocent and wonderful.

I understand your concern though, do you correct her? Does she have a special pet name she can call you? What do you ask her to call you?

You are not betraying your BF.

If this is a long term life long commitment, then she will see you as her mum. She may also see her mum as her mum too (hard to tell without knowing anymore and I'm not asking by the way).

YANBU to feel like you do.

Your dd isn't BU to call you Mama.

Original poster
tapemetothepost · 08/10/2011 00:19

Umm she's a week short of 1. I do hope that she will be here long term and she wont ever know my BF (her mum) - she died shortly after giving birth.

OP posts:
tutu100 · 08/10/2011 00:23

You are bringing her up so to her you are her Mama. As she grows up you will tell her about her birth mum so if her biological mother is mum and you are Mama then she will have the distinction between the 2 of you.

You are not betraying your bf, in fact you are doing the most wonderful thing for her in bringing up her dd.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2011 00:24

So much for just 'words on a screen', you have me sniffing back tears. And, it's daytime here and I haven't been Wine It's touching that she called you mama, she obviously loves you and feels loved.

WoodBetweenTheWorlds · 08/10/2011 00:24

Oh, I'm so sorry - what a wonderful friend you are to be a mum to your bf's dd. Under the circumstances, I think it's the most natural thing in the world for dd to call you mama, and you know what - I bet your friend would be delighted to know that her LO sees you in this way. You are not betraying your friend at all, you are honouring her memory by bringing up her lovely daughter and loving her as your own child.

aldiwhore · 08/10/2011 00:27

You're definitely not betraying your BF then sweetheart, you're doing the exact opposite. Your DD has two mums, ones a shining star in the sky, and one's a shining bloody superstar on earth.

In this life, you're her Mama, allow her to call you that. She'll know she has another too.

Roseflower · 08/10/2011 00:28

Aww, Im teary too. Bless the little girl, and bless you for what you are doing to help this darling girl xxx

aldiwhore · 08/10/2011 00:29

Me too MrsTP words on a screen indeed! Raising a Wine to you tapemetothepost

AgentZigzag · 08/10/2011 00:29

What a sad situation for you both to be in tape.

My heart would break that your little girl lost her mum so early on, but for the fact that she has you to care for her.

Someone who knew and loved her mum must be invaluable to someone in her position when she gets older.

You are in no way betraying your BF by doing right by, and loving, her DD.

I'm afraid I know nothing about the process you must be in to keep her with you, but is it a long road? Are you likely to get long term guardianship of her?

winnybella · 08/10/2011 00:31
Wine
Hardgoing · 08/10/2011 00:38

That also took me by surprise and touched me immensely. And I never cry at the 'sniff sniff' threads.

I think it's an honour for your little one to call you mama, because you are being so sensitive about it and will be able to tell her about her other mama when she grows up.

Is there anyone else, like your BF's family you could talk about it to see what they think, or are you worried they will hear it and find it odd?

squeakytoy · 08/10/2011 00:40

You ARE her mum to her. You are the only mum she knows. :)

Salmotrutta · 08/10/2011 00:40

tapemetothepost - I'm a hard-nosed old bat but what a lovely post.

Your BF's DD loves you.
Your BF wanted you to care for her DD.
Enough said.

Morloth · 08/10/2011 01:13

I think if I were to die and someone I loved was caring for my babies, I would rest a whole lot easier knowing that that person had earned the title of Mama.

You are not betraying your friend you are fulfilling the trust she had in you.

KatieMiddleton · 08/10/2011 01:24

You are her mama. One day you will tell her about her first mama but until then you are her world.

What an honour and a privilege you have been given.

Dialsmavis · 08/10/2011 01:29

You think of her as DD, you are her Mama. Your BF would want her to have a loving Mummy that is why she was placed with you... sniff, sniff Smile Sad

spatchcock · 08/10/2011 02:10

Aww... how bittersweet. I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job of raising her. Relish this moment, it's a milestone and it's yours! Your friend would be proud.

herecomesthsun · 08/10/2011 02:15

aaaah Thanks

CheerfulYank · 08/10/2011 02:17

It breaks my heart to think of it, but if I passed I would want DS to have someone to call Mama.

mumblejumble · 08/10/2011 02:25

[teary] Smile

iscream · 08/10/2011 02:45

Your friend would probably feel happy that you are doing such a fine job of mothering her, and happy you are there to be the baby's Mama.. I bet if the situation were reversed, you would be grateful your best friend loved your baby so much and the baby loved her.
If it really feels uncomfortable, you could teach her to call you "Mama tapemetothepost"?

TurkeyBurgerThing · 08/10/2011 08:53

Well I wonder if she could read Mumsnet if she would think it was wonderful that Mama had just called her "DD"? Grin

Have you been looking after her since your friend passed away? Desperately sad situation for you both to be in, but it sounds like you're doing the most wonderful job. I hope that you manage to celebrate her 1st birthday in a special and memorable way.

I also very much hope you manage to be her official guardian forever. Do you have to go through the normal adoption route or is it slightly different because you're already looking after her?

NameGotLostInCyberspace · 08/10/2011 08:58

What a wonderful thing you are doing. Feel happy that DD is calling you "Mama".

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