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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my DH to fix his own dinner

59 replies

Pedicuri · 28/09/2011 22:42

....I realize that the title sounds a little 1950s, but anyway, fact is, I am a SAHM with two very young DC. So I do the normal stuff, cooking, cleaning, laundry - y' know, all the stuff I did 5years at uni for . I would say I enjoy being a SAHM most of the time, other times it gets frustrating and feels life-sapping. But it was my choice, and also my DH is a big help around the house if asked, when needed. I do take the view that the house is therefore my 'job', and I am generally happy to cook for everyone as it is one of the things I enjoy doing. I make most things from scratch, and like eating healthily, so we don't have convenience food much.
But DH gets home at varying times, but mainly 7pm onwards, bang in the middle,of bath time/ stories/ bed times. I get hungry and can't wait this long (early lunch), as by the time I am finished with the DCs it is around 8.30pm.
Sometimes I have made something that can be reheated, but mainly not. But there is food, and I think he can easily knock something together.
My MIL and mum think this is terrible, as he is (I paraphrase) paying the bills and essentially should have a hot meal on the table and we should eat together.
I think they don't understand that 7pm is not 5pm, as they both admitted their DH were home by when they were SAHM. I also credit men with a bit of sense in being able to chuck together, say, an omelette, without fainting.
AIBU, and what do you do if your DH works late?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 28/09/2011 22:44

I'd make a dinner he could re heat, sorry I would. An omlette is not a proper meal certainly not for a grown man who has been to work all day.

I'd also change the childrens bed times around so I could cook a dinner for him, I myself would have a snack at 5 so I could eat with him too. Have conversations about the day over dinner after the children had gone to bed.

AtYourCervix · 28/09/2011 22:46

why does it need fixing? was it broken?

worraliberty · 28/09/2011 22:46

Every 3rd week my DH gets home about 11pm

I either make sure I've cooked something that can be re-heated like spag bol, hotpot, stew etc...Or a jacket potato and grate a bit of cheese on it.

He's not fussy though so if I haven't cooked something re-heatable, I do him a couple of bacon sarnies while he's in the bath.

Original poster

Pedicuri · 28/09/2011 22:46

All opinion welcome Fabbychic. In a perfect world I would, and have been doing so, but I feel I can't be in three places at once - in the kitchen, making/having dinner and putting two young DCs in bath and bed.
Welcome suggestions, definitely.

OP posts:

Littlefish · 28/09/2011 22:46

I don't think either of you are unreasonable, but you need to find a happy balance. Do you have a freezer and a microwave? Could you batch cook some stuff and freeze it, so he could quickly heat something up when he gets home. Is there any particular reason why you make meals which generally can't be reheated later? Does your dh think it's unreasonable?

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 22:47

I wouldnt necessarily wait for him to get home before I eat, but I would certainly not expect him to get in and cook his own dinner either. But then I am a bit old fashioned in that respect, and I enjoy cooking, he doesnt.

bibbitybobbityhat · 28/09/2011 22:48

I wait and eat with my dh but do get hungry earlier so tend to have a little snackette hence why I am 2 stone overweight.

AllGoodNamesGone · 28/09/2011 22:48

What does he do until his dinner is ready?

I'd cheerfully make him something if he would take over with the children while I did it!

Original poster

Pedicuri · 28/09/2011 22:48

Atyourcervix, it is one of my americanisms apologies for being a little Dolly Partonesque!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 22:49

I would also say, he should perhaps take over the bath and bed routine, otherwise he is also missing out on spending any time with his children too.. so he can get on with that, while you sort him some food out maybe? That would seem a fair deal which you would hope he would enjoy doing too.

cory · 28/09/2011 22:50

Dh and I work late on alternate days. The deal is that the person who is at home cooks a dinner that can be reheated or eaten cold and that the person at home eats with the dcs at their dinner time. I don't feel dh having conversations with me over dinner when I am late is more important than him having conversations with the children.

bibbitybobbityhat · 28/09/2011 22:50

Both my dc have never gone to be earlier than 8pm btw, so dh could see them before bed. Its worked perfectly well all through their childhoods - they have never needed more than 11 hours sleep at night.

AtYourCervix · 28/09/2011 22:53

ooh a forrinism.

i'd be tempted to do a bath a bit earlier, then cook while he puts them to bed (with story) then eat with him. have a snackette whith the DCs dinner earlier.

MumblingRagDoll · 28/09/2011 22:54

YABU for saying "fix" in relation to a meal. Are you American? If so, then my apolgies...but if you're not then you mean "Prepare" or "Make".

YANBU. He would have to make his food if he wasn't married wouldn't he? Men don't lose the ability to cook whenthey marry.

Original poster

Pedicuri · 28/09/2011 22:55

He kind of mills around, relaxes, has a glass of wine, and sometimes will entertain/ help with one of the children.
He says he doesn't mind, but I guess I am a bit old fashioned too. It just really rankles me when I get the 'disapproving' noises from the mums, when actually, if MY DH was back by 5pm, things would be a hell of a lot easier.
Perhaps I need to batch cook?
I just can't see us sitting down anytime before 9pm if I cook, and therefore isn't it better if he just makes himself something. (I would gladly do the prep, he just needs to cook).

OP posts:

Grumpla · 28/09/2011 22:56

I would either hand over children to him and go and cook dinner for both of us (having had a snack earlier)

Or I would expect him to cook, again for both of us, but if not then certainly for himself, whilst I finished bedtime.

Your "shifts" should finish at the same time!

Original poster

Pedicuri · 28/09/2011 22:58

Mumblingragdoll, lived in US for a good chunk of my life.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 28/09/2011 23:00

It just really rankles me when I get the 'disapproving' noises from the mums

Stop telling them your personal business then?

bibbitybobbityhat · 28/09/2011 23:00

Ffs! she might be American for all you know, where it is the norm to say "fix". What exactly is the problem?

worraliberty · 28/09/2011 23:00

And like bibbity my kids have never (at any age) gone to bed before 8pm

Squitten · 28/09/2011 23:02

I'm a SAHM but DH does a lot of cooking here. I don't see why being out at work means he can't operate the oven...

My Nan would also tut disapprovingly but she also thinks the sun shines out of DH's butt because he looks after his own kids at all so I tend to ignore...

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 28/09/2011 23:03

I wouldn't listen to what your MIL and mum think; if it works for you and your DH the way that you currently do things then what does it matter?

I am a SAHM, DH works and is home anytime between 5pm and 8pm; if he's home late like he was tonight for example, he will usually say not to do him anything for tea and then will just heat up a readymeal from the freezer once he's home and showered.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 28/09/2011 23:05

I would make enough food at 6 for everyone, so husband could reheat his when he got in. He does the same for me if I'm working late. When I get in late from work I don't want to start putting together my own meal, from scratch, for one.

Don't listen to "the mums". They are of a generation which can't understand the idea of men cooking. I have family (in-laws) like that myself.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 28/09/2011 23:07

So lets get this right. You have the kids all day, do the housework and thecooking. He gets in has a glass of wine and relaxes, you bath and put the kids to bed and then cook him a meal?

When do you get the glass of wine and a relax? When does he get off his arse and do some work around the house?

There seems to be a disparity in the amount of relaxation time you and your DH get .

chickydoo · 28/09/2011 23:08

How difficult is it to prepare a meal so he can heat it up for 2 mins in microwave! I work 5 days a week until school pick up time, go home do all jobs & prepare dinner. I leave DH's on a plate, I can't eat with him as I work 3 evenings too. he comes in at 9.00pm, eats his, I come in again at 10.30pm.
Eldest Dc babysits the younger 2. I always cook from scratch. Roast, Spag bol, casserole, only takes 30 mins to prepare most things, and it tastes good too.
I cooked like this even when kids were very little, baby sitter arrived,, & off I went to work. Cooking is easy compared to most jobs!

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