To ask my DH to fix his own dinner

[Pedicuri]

....I realize that the title sounds a little 1950s, but anyway, fact is, I am a SAHM with two very young DC. So I do the normal stuff, cooking, cleaning, laundry - y' know, all the stuff I did 5years at uni for . I would say I enjoy being a SAHM most of the time, other times it gets frustrating and feels life-sapping. But it was my choice, and also my DH is a big help around the house if asked, when needed. I do take the view that the house is therefore my 'job', and I am generally happy to cook for everyone as it is one of the things I enjoy doing. I make most things from scratch, and like eating healthily, so we don't have convenience food much.
But DH gets home at varying times, but mainly 7pm onwards, bang in the middle,of bath time/ stories/ bed times. I get hungry and can't wait this long (early lunch), as by the time I am finished with the DCs it is around 8.30pm.
Sometimes I have made something that can be reheated, but mainly not. But there is food, and I think he can easily knock something together.
My MIL and mum think this is terrible, as he is (I paraphrase) paying the bills and essentially should have a hot meal on the table and we should eat together.
I think they don't understand that 7pm is not 5pm, as they both admitted their DH were home by when they were SAHM. I also credit men with a bit of sense in being able to chuck together, say, an omelette, without fainting.
AIBU, and what do you do if your DH works late?

I would just do whatever works for you both and ignore what everyone else says.

When I was with my OH, I used to do all the cooking. We were both working.

Before DC arrived, my MIL was horrified if I dared to go out without leaving something for her precious son to heat up. There was a chippy up the road. He wouldn't have starved!

Thanks so much for all of the posts guys, I am quite overwhelmed!
I loved some of the suggestions (too many to mention) and I think I need to think more about perhaps what food I am making too. I love cooking, so am inclined to try and make each dinner fab and different, and I also want the family (and DH) to eat well. I just can't be in three places.
I did want to stick up a bit for my DH, though, a perhaps 'milling around' was a bad choice of phrase (although it does feel like it sometimes). He gets home from 7pm onwards, no regular time (if that makes sense, could be 7pm-8.30pm). When he is back 'earlier' he does help. But ordinarily he comes in when I am putting the first DC to bed, and changes out of suit/ shower etc... I have asked him, based on experience, not to come bounding up the stairs to say goodnight, because after having spent some time 'winding down', things can easily get fever pitch just as I am getting the first to sleep - then any type of bedtime is shot. The second DC often dozes off during the first bedtime now, so as i am already there, I continue with bedtimes.There is at least one evening a week that he gets home in time for bed.
He also does all of the night shifts with a fussy sleeping toddler DD
I think it is just the disapproval of the mums got to me. I would love to have a sit down, lovingly prepared dinner with DH! But he doesn't get back at 5pm like their husbands did.
I guess a compromise is that I prep something so he can just literally cook it, or reheat something. He said he is absolutely fine with this, and in hindsight I think I have just been loosing it as I feel like I am running myself ragged.
Hopefully it is just a phase, as once DD is a bit older (she is just turning 2) perhaps we will have more time on an evening.
Thanks again!

I'm a SAHM not a housewife... although I do the lion's share of domestic chores, if DH came home at 7pm, and we'd all eaten, he'd cook himself something.

Sometimes he's home at 10, 11, 12! His daily work pattern is non existent, there simply isn't a pattern.

I do tend to cook for 'the family' ie., 4 servings. I LIKE cooking. But often if DH is working late I'll cook something he doesn't like but the rest of us do.

An omelette is an adequate meal if you add some steamed veg.

I agree someone coming in and helping at 7 is the worst possible time, I am sometimes the parent coming in and everything is going fine til I turn up and they all get over-excited/stop listening to other parent.

I would personally cook a meal big enough for him and leave his on the side for later a few days a week. It's fine for him to fix a ready-meal/cook himself something once or twice, but I know myself it's incredibly frustrating if you get in and the meal and dishes are all over the place (and no pans for cooking) and there's nothing for you. You do think 'why didn't they just do a bit more for me'. I don't see it as an obligation though and wouldn't tut if it didn't happen, just get an omlette, but more than two omlette's a week is really tiresome.

I generally make meals that we can reheat later for us. Sorry! There are loads of options. I don't think it's esp fair on your dh to have to cook when he comes in, if you have cooked for the 3 of you!!! If I was the working parent I wouldn't like it.

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but you could use a slow cooker during the day, take yours and the childrens' portions out and leave his in there on low until he gets in. We sometimes make a curry in ours, and if DH gets in later he just uses one of those little microwavable packs of rice, and then dishes the curry up out of the slow cooker, only takes 2 minutes or so to do the rice.

DH is never home before 8pm. It can be and often is later than that. I am SAHM, and also spend my days doing everything a SAHM does, except for 2 days a week when I go into our business and do the invoicing/accounts for DH. I have seen first hand how busy he is during his working day, he barely has time to shove a piece of toast down his neck mid morning and then that it is pretty much it until he comes home, and I would be absolutely mortified if I asked him to cook his own dinner when he got home because of this.

I have not long finished putting DD to bed when he gets home, and I always make him a cuppa straight away and ask him what he fancies for dinner. If I have cooked something reheatable, he has that, if not, I'll cook something fresh for him.

Being a SAHM is draining, it is repetitive, but it's what we signed up for. I don't spend the whole day running around after DH, so offering him a decent hot meal when he returns home is the least I could do.

Tricky one. I do think it's preferable for you to eat with DH if possible as otherwise you could become a bit "ships in the night". But on the other hand I see no reason why you should be the one cooking dinner. It all depends on who has time to do it.

So I think I would:

• have a snack when the DCs are having their tea (5pm ish?) to keep me going till a later dinner. (you'll need to have a smaller portion at dinner given the snack earlier).

• do as much prep for dinner as possible during the day. might be the whole meal if it's reheatable, or might just be chopping the bits up. Might be nothing at all if you've had a particularly hectic day.

• if DH comes in at say 7.30, after taking off suit, he should get on with cooking dinner while you finish bath and bed. Alternatively he could do bath and bed while you do dinner (but I understand why this might not work in practice). Then you can eat as soon as DCs are down.

• If he doesn't get in till 8.30, then you both cook together after DCs are down. Dinner is a bit later for you both, but if you've had a snack earlier, this should be ok.