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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shakey bed, Wanky thread....

77 replies

VelvetSnow · 28/09/2011 11:41

Blush and Shock and Grin

Last night I was awoken by some (ahem) movement in bed. I could feel shaking and when I opened my eyes I saw DP sitting on the edge of the bed and he was clearly having a good old shuffle.

Then, once he had finished he got up and went to the bathroom. From what I could see, he'd wanked off onto an item of clothing - possibly a tshirt.

I didn't say anything at the time, why would I?

But this morning, I'm thinking...

Why not just go to the bathroom and sort yourself out, why do it sitting on the edge of the bed and then go to the bathroom?

Blush at starting this thread
Shock at not just going to the bathroom in the first place, and
Grin just for the sake of it

Now I have no objection to masturbation at all I just don't want to be awoken by the vigorous shaking Grin of the bed!

AIBU to want DP to use the bathroom instead of sitting on the edge of our bed when he's masturbating during the night?

OP posts:
Nesbo · 28/09/2011 15:51

I always thought not waking up DW in this situation made me quite the gentleman (well, that and my silk Hermés wankerchief with the hand rolled edges).

Original poster
VelvetSnow · 28/09/2011 15:55

Whatmeworry - I suppose that's part of my problem, I would've happily helped him along... if I got something out of it aswell Grin

Maybe I'm just a bit miffed at his advertisement of, I'm horny, I can satisfy myself and I'm going to do it right under your nose

OP posts:
TurkeyBurgerThing · 28/09/2011 15:56

My OH woke me up by having a toss a few weeks back. I was in that odd sleep/dream state and I completely freaked out because I thought there was a helicopter crashing into the house the bed was shaking THAT much.

wordsonapage · 28/09/2011 15:57

I though dh was knocking one out the other day.. Had gone to bed early and heard a rather violent errr sound

but is went on for ages certainly well beyond his capabilities in the end I snuck downstairs to find dh typing emails on his blackberry

Whatmeworry · 28/09/2011 16:03

but is went on for ages certainly well beyond his capabilities in the end I snuck downstairs to find dh typing emails on his blackberry

Tossing off EMAILS at 5.30 - now that is a dirty deed :o

WilsonFrickett · 28/09/2011 17:36

Oh Turkey that is fantastic Grin

pink4ever · 28/09/2011 17:46

I am sure dh has done this but I think I would be a bit miffed if it was in the bed beside me! Usually catch him out having a quick shuffle on the couchGrin If he wanted to have a wank in the morning would far rather he woke me up and we both had some fun!-prefer morning sex! sadly I think the days of his morning glories are long gone.

bringmesunshine2009 · 28/09/2011 17:57

I felt aggrieved until I thought about it. First off if he had tried it on with me I would have murdered him, then remembered I do not feel sexy when in the 6mths post birth so saved me a [hand] job.

WilsonFrickett · 28/09/2011 18:26

On the bright side, I guess all these secret shufflers are doing their own laundry to hide the evidence, eh guys?

Grin
MrsBuntysSunnyCuldeSac · 28/09/2011 18:29

Is there such a thing as 'sleep wanking'? Or maybe he just wanted to give his dream a 'happy ending', bless his little cotton (wank) socks!

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 28/09/2011 18:46
Shock

Anyone else but you, Velvet, and I'd smell a twrat. :o

If I'd caught my DH doing the DIY Digit Dance I'd have a fit.

Haberdashery · 28/09/2011 18:50

Hahaha! I caught DH wanking in bed once in the early hours. I muttered 'go away, you're waking me up' and he did and that was the end of it.

unquietmind · 28/09/2011 18:51

They are all at it, whether you like it or not! We went through a dry patch so to speak and I asked him one day if he did, and he was embarrassed by my asking. But he said he did (our non sex life couldn't be helped at the time) so I felt bad that we couldn't, but I would much rather he did it himself if I can't. Does anyone see it as a problem? Ann summers doesn't make big business on couple love alone!

On a slightly different topic, has anyone ever been woke by sleep sex? DH was actually asleep and making moves on me! Its only happened three times in 5 years but he doesn't believe me the next day!

Shakey1500 · 28/09/2011 19:01

unquietmind if you type "sexomnia" in here there is a thread.

Never caught dh but I know he does it. I love the phrase "knocking one out" Grin

picnicbasketcase · 28/09/2011 19:12

Haberdashery, I read that as 'go away, you're wanking me up' instead of waking.
This has never happened to me, I don't think DP would be able to do it in the same room with me, I suspect he has a weird teenage hangover where he has a fear of getting caught and does it secretively. He wouldn't risk the bed shakiness. Daft really cos apart from getting cross if I get woken up, the act itself wouldn't actually bother me.

WilsonFrickett · 28/09/2011 19:15

I don't mind it happening unquiet (apt name Grin) just not while I'm there, asleep, beside him! but I seem to be in the minority. Don't know if that says something about you lot or me????

Blush but I have, on occassion, after far, far too much wine made the shexy sleep moves on DH. Proudest moment was when I came round half-doing it and spluttered, 'What are you doing, gerrof me you maniac' only to have DH explain I was putting the moves on him. Blush Blush Blush

Insomnia11 · 28/09/2011 19:18

Can't say as it would bother me. Or rather, I can't say as it does bother me. I have woken up to a shaking bed and have just gone "Oi, stop rocking the bed, you woke me up!" :) Do none of you women have a little shuffle hoping DH is sound asleep, or is it just me? Blush

Pandemoniaa · 28/09/2011 19:24

smuttychortling @ wankerchief.

unquietmind · 28/09/2011 19:40

Thanks shakey

Wilson frickett I don't particularly want the motion of his ocean shaking my dream time ship, for more than one reason but also 'cos I'm a complete .... when awoken. Dh says his best nights sleep are after 'marriage gymnastics' (lol) or bedroom athletics I've also heard, but unable to sleep and doing it at that time?! Not for me thanks but If I'm asleep guess I get no say.

A girl I know goes ape shit over it and the internet that her fella looks at, but can't say I'm bothered unless it was illicit encounters!!

I like the name too. Its probably the only constant in my life that my brain never shuts up

notevenamousie · 28/09/2011 19:47

My ex used to do this, and it would always wake me up. Especially while I was pregnant. Another one to add to the list of reasons why he's an ex...

Lipsofchicken · 28/09/2011 19:48

Love glove = Smitten mitten

Badtasteflump · 28/09/2011 19:56

Sorry but I had to have a sneaky look at your profile pics after reading your post. Not sure what I was expecting to see but I feel as if I've violated your H a little bit now Grin

Original poster
VelvetSnow · 28/09/2011 20:30

ha ha ha Badtaste, I thought you were going to say I've had a look at your photos and it's no wonder he's wanking off Grin

I am actually going to get him a love glove Did I see a thread earlied in the week about a woman who was knitting them for the army??

If it happens again I'm going to do what someone on this thread mentioned - just turnover, huff and puff and say something along the line of "Would you like me to leave the room"

See how that works hey?

OP posts:
Alouiseg · 28/09/2011 20:54

Well, why wouldn't he lie in a nice comfy bed? I wouldn't shuffle off to the bathroom if I wanted some "me time".

The shaky bed thing gets annoying though - you need a zip and link mattress.

cheekeymonkey · 29/09/2011 09:34

Wonder what the washing recommendations are for a 'squirtshirt' or a 'focksock'? Hee Hee Grin