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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go for coffee with ex f*ck buddy

54 replies

apachepony · 27/09/2011 14:38

Or perhaps more ex friends with benefits. Banged into him during work today, he sent text after. Would be good to meet for a chat, were friends (with benefits) for over 5 of my most formative years in my twenties. However last time I met him it turned into the most almighty mess with my now dh screaming abuse at him down the phone. Still, would like to meet for a chat...he's cheeky as ever...Aibu?

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 27/09/2011 14:41

You know you are.

How would you feel if you had a screaming row with your DH's ex-shag and then you found out that he'd gone and met her behind your back?
Quite.
Grow up.

Original poster
apachepony · 27/09/2011 14:43

I wouldn't be doing it behind dh's back - I would have to tell him. Is it u to ask and expect a yes?

OP posts:
Wimminsinit · 27/09/2011 14:43

If it caused a big row with your DH last time and the ex-buddy is 'cheeky'...what do you think you should do?

BettyCash · 27/09/2011 14:44

LOL

OracleInaCoracle · 27/09/2011 14:45

what was the row about? it sounds like you are still attracted to him, in which case (despite being a big "exes can be friends" person) it would be a very bad idea.

porcamiseria · 27/09/2011 14:45

you know you are

what a nice wife you are, NOT!!!!!

offonajolly · 27/09/2011 14:45

Seems like a lot of hassle for the sake of sharing a coffee...

You know this will upset your dh and it's not like it is something you need to do so why would you?

TanteRose · 27/09/2011 14:46

YABU

aldiwhore · 27/09/2011 14:47

YABVU.... not because he's an ex fuck buddy, but because your DH has an issue with him. It sounds like he has an issue with him for good reason so I would say you WBVU to meet up.

pyjamasinbananas · 27/09/2011 14:48

I would want to go.
I would also think IAMU.
I would remember who I'm with now and what I would stand to lose
I wouldn't go but would sulk for a while then forget about it

pyjamasinbananas · 27/09/2011 14:48

IABU even not IAMU!!

ViviPru · 27/09/2011 14:48

Shitstorm waiting to happen. Hope you've got your poo-proof tam o'shanter ready.

pearlym · 27/09/2011 14:49

Don't go. Love the way you say you "banged into him" at work, was that a freudian slip!

TheOriginalFAB · 27/09/2011 14:49

Your "he's as cheeky as ever" comment is huge giveaway.

Don't do it.

OracleInaCoracle · 27/09/2011 14:50

theoriginalFAB, yep, yep, yep.

Quintessentialist · 27/09/2011 14:51

But you are not just interested in a coffee with him.

What are you playing at?

(Seeing as you already "banged" into him. Is banging on your mind?)

ShoutyHamster · 27/09/2011 14:52

Hah. You're as cheeky as ever too, it would seem. Yes, suggest it to your DH, why not? Grin I'm sure he'll be delighted.

Tell us, why do you want the drama? Is there a specific reason to do with him, or are you just bored?

Original poster
apachepony · 27/09/2011 14:53

Sigh. I'm guess I know you're right. Definitely not attracted to him - he a
amuses me and I guess is a link to a part of my life I have no connection with anymore ie a big group of college buddies I don't see any more. Can't really tell u the row it would probably make me seem more U

OP posts:
OracleInaCoracle · 27/09/2011 14:54

you cant ask if you are being unreasonable then only give half the story if the other paints you in a bad light.

TheOriginalFAB · 27/09/2011 14:54

So you know you are unreasonable.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 27/09/2011 15:08

Of course if you don't fancy him and just want to catch up, you could always take your DH with you? No?

Original poster
apachepony · 27/09/2011 15:08

Well I wasn't sure if I was as some say you should be able to stay friends with exs! But reaction is clear! Also (certainly in past maybe not now - and I know I will get flamed for this) I came to relationship with dh with no baggage, no ex boyfriend - green - while dh came with child and ex. Back in the day I dealt with constant daily communication as maturely as I could but did find it hard sometimes and felt that I was in a way owed being allowed to be friends with ex fb. Don't feel so much now. Yes and maybe it does reignite thoughts of a frivolous cheeky time when currently weighed down with grown up woes...but hey my dh is the mischievous type too so I shall go home and make cheeky eyes at him and forget our worries

OP posts:
OracleInaCoracle · 27/09/2011 15:32

of course you should be able to stay friends with exes, its entirely possible. but it is a balancing act, and you should consider your dh's feelings as well as being honest with yourself.

cumbria81 · 27/09/2011 15:37

Your DH is being very unreasonable. What a knob.

nogreythatmatters · 27/09/2011 15:37

Any partner who is jealous of a close friend who pre-dates their relationship is in a relationship which is doomed to failure

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