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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about DBro new gf at my wedding

66 replies

IcouldifIwantedto · 21/09/2011 20:07

I'm getting married in a month.

My DBro (38yrs) has a new girlfriend (she is 39) - they have been together about 5 mnths now. We live at completely opposite ends of the country.

He has asked if - by the time of the wedding - she is a 'significant other' could she come?

She has never met any of our family. And wedding itself is a relative good size (about 75 people)

I'm in two minds. Adding her in would not be a real hassle at all and if he was just a guest I don't think i would be having this problem.
But he is 'giving me away' and being part of 'wedding party' as we have no dad. So he has 'things to do on day'.
Also would worry that she would not know anyone at all.

So is it unreasonable to say no she cant or unreasonable to say yes she can come?

OP posts:
MogandMe · 21/09/2011 20:09

Of course she should come.

bellabelly · 21/09/2011 20:10

Was just going to say the same as Mog. 6 months is a significant length of time - it's not like she was a random pull from a week ago.

meditrina · 21/09/2011 20:11

Try: "You're engaged! How wonderful that you'll be able to tell everyone at the wedding".

"Oh, you're not. I'd love to meet your GF, but at a less formal occasion".

Any good?

purplepidjinawoollytangle · 21/09/2011 20:12

As long as she's not a stroppy madam and takes him away from his duties, what's the problem? Seat her with people you know will make her welcome Smile

justaboutstillhere · 21/09/2011 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinkyNonker · 21/09/2011 20:13

Why wouldn't she be welcome? He is obviously fairly serious about her, and can still do all his 'tasks' etc.

Truffleshuffler · 21/09/2011 20:13

I would say that you should invite her.
Has your DBro asked her if she would want to go? (given that she may be alone for the day as he'll be busy) Maybe she would prefer just to go the the evening do?

Dialsmavis · 21/09/2011 20:15

YWDefinatelyBU if you said she couldn't come! Shock

wannaBe · 21/09/2011 20:16

of course she should come.

Can't believe you're even asking tbh.

fluffles · 21/09/2011 20:17

of course she should come. do you not have a relative you can 'put her with' while your DB is doing official duties.

ENormaSnob · 21/09/2011 20:18

I would invite her.

TattyDevine · 21/09/2011 20:18

Give them the option, let them decide.

poppingkoalas · 21/09/2011 20:18

Is the fact you have never met her stopping you from being fine with it? (because it doesn't sound like you have a major problem with her coming)

Okay so you probably can't met her before wedding. But you could 'encourage' DBro to introduce her to your Mum, other siblings, some close cousins eg someone he knows well and lives closer to him or likely to see before wedding.
Maybe that make it easier on her and you knowing she knows someone else apart from her bf.

AnyoneButLulu · 21/09/2011 20:19

Does the expression +1 mean nothing to you?

It's not my idea of fun, but it's the done thing.

PonceyMcPonce · 21/09/2011 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2011 20:20

She should be invited

Why ever not ?

Elderberries · 21/09/2011 20:20

It's kind of rude not to invite her you know.

Xales · 21/09/2011 20:20

Is your DB going to be upfront doing stuff during the wedding and then on the top table with family around him doing speaches and her stuck with Aunt Mildred and Uncle Harold for a long part of the day?

Not sure I would want to come to that if I had only been seeing a guy for 6 months.

Put it to him like that?

If she is happy for that then I would probably let her come unless numbers have already been confirmed for catering/seating etc.

Kayano · 21/09/2011 20:20

Invite her to the night time only. Have you seen that episode of HOw I met your mother when Lily plays 'who's that bitch' looking at phoos of GF that ted brought to a formal birthday occasion lol

lifechanger · 21/09/2011 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 21/09/2011 20:25

Of course she should come she is your brothers partner. So what he has things to do during the day, most adults can hold conversations with other adults you know.

Ephiny · 21/09/2011 20:26

I think it would be rude not to invite her, it's the usual thing to invite people's partners surely. If she feels it would be awkward or is worried about not knowing anyone, she can always make a polite excuse.

Dawndonna · 21/09/2011 20:28

My sister would not have my (then) boyfriend at her wedding. He was too new and didn't know anyone. We'd been together two years at that point and I was eight months pregnant. We didn't go and haven't seen her since. Is that what you want?

KittyFane · 21/09/2011 20:29

Good opportunity for her to meet everyone and for them to meet her.
She doesn't have to be in the family photos you know!! :o

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 21/09/2011 20:29

Let her come!

At least he's not doing what my brother did, and brought his new (and I mean new, about 2 weeks!) girlfriend to my grandmas brothers funeral to meet us all, no-one even knew he had a GF, let alone that she was coming!

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