To think this is not on....

[MrBloomsNursery]

I drive a banger. Well it's not a complete banger, because it gets me from A to B, and it does the job.
Anyway, recently I've decided I want to sell it and buy a better car, as I am pregnant and want a more reliable car to put 2 children in the back.

SIL has got wind of this and has asked me twice to "part exchange" it and get 3K to give to her, because she's going to get a new car by the end of the year and she can afford the montly repayments.... Somehow, I don't think this is fair or even legal! I mean we can't afford to buy a car on credit right now, so why would I give my car to her to sell and get 3K in return?

On top of this, my brother has taken a 15K loan out from my bank account which he repays every two months....AND he's borrowed 5K from me. This was over 2 years ago and I still haven't got it back yet, even though I asked about 2 months ago. OH, and the icing on the cake - they send their daughters to private schools, sent them on holiday to NYC over the summer and CONSTANTLY showed off about it to me about how much fun they had.

Now, I know some of you may say that I'm just jealous, but I'm not. I know what I can afford, and what I can't. I'm just pissed off that if they can afford all of the things above, then surely they can pay back the rest of the loan and give me my 5K back? I left my job last year, and we really need the money, with house repairs and obviously the new baby.

I don't understand, if I had borrowed that much money from someone I wouldn't have the audacity to show off infront of that person about things. Crappy poo and another thing - their birthdays are coming up next month, and I really can't afford to buy expensive presents......so what the hell am I supposed to do? Can someone please tell me some cheap present ideas for a 10 and 8 year old.

[Nanny0gg]

When you asked for the money back, what answer did you get?
Have you proof you loaned it?

[DoMeDon]

YABU - do something about it - speak to them.

[MrBloomsNursery]

I have asked for the money back numerous times over the year, and I get the same excuse, that my brother needs to sell a house that's on the market and I'll get the money back when that is sold. I gave it to him because he was in a bit of trouble, and my brother or sister couldn't help him out. I assumed he would give it back. I have no proof.

[Tchootnika]

You need to address these things separately.

1. Unpaid loan
   
2. Car (none of their business, unless you want it to be)
   
3. Presents (not such a big deal: crayons?)

[AgentZigzag]

They can't afford all of those things, they are borrowing money they can't afford to pay back!

Say no to lending them any more money at all and start some straight talking on when and how much you expect them to pay each month for what they already owe you.

Be firm and don't let them give you any flannel

[AMumInScotland]

You might like to point out that if SIL can afford the monthly payments on a new car, then she could be using that money to pay you back instead! Start giving him a much harder time about their finances and your finances and how they need to focus on repaying what they already owe instead of taking on more debt.

[AgentZigzag]

Don't ask for it any more, tell them they're paying you.

How they go about paying you, ie selling their house, is no concern of yours.

[LauraIngallsWilder]

You need to learn to say NO!!!
Loudly and clearly

[Tchootnika]

I don't think you should engage with stuff that doesn't involve you directly - it's up to them what they do as long as they repay you
Involvong yourself over and above this just muddies the waters and gives them amunition for not engaging with you/sidetracking.
I wouldn't bring car exchange into the mix.

[MrBloomsNursery]

I really wish I could be as firm as you guys are telling me to be!

The car issue, I've managed to change the subject on - I just say "erm, yeah, okay", and then start talking about something else.

Presents - my SIL EXPECTS presents for her daughters. Then she makes comments "Oh she already has that", if you get them something thats from sales....

The money - I get given a guilt trip that he'll sell the house by slashing the price but then he'll lose out. I don't know why I feel guilty.

[oldraver]

I'm confused by the bit about the car

[MrBloomsNursery]

She's telling me to part exchange the car in my name, but she'll take the 3K they give you and pay the monthly repayments so she can have a new car by the end of the year.

[AgentZigzag]

Not 'erm, yeah, okay', it's 'Hahahaha you must be fucking joking' 'We've already sorted selling the car '.

With the other cash they owe you, I would be saying to him you're going to have to take legal advice on how to recover it if he keeps burying his head in the sand.

I would say look into the small claims court, but it's £20k he owes you isn't it? That sounds pretty big to me.

[AgentZigzag]

'but she'll take the 3K they give you and pay the monthly repayments so she can have a new car by the end of the year.'

The cheeky fucking mare.

Outrageous.

[buzzsorekillington]

By saying 'erm yeah ok' you realise you're agreeing to do it, surely? Of course she's going to keep going on about it.

You need to practise saying 'no'. Go to the mirror now, (I know you can't refuse ), and start repeating 'no'. 'No.' 'Sorry but no'. 'That won't work for me'. 'I've sorted that, thanks.' 'NO!'

And then ask them to start repaying their loan from you in installments if they can't do it as a lump sum - and work out a proper repayment schedule.

[ZillionChocolate]

I think you were probably unreasonable loaning money to them. I agree that you need to start saying no. Maybe as far as presents are concerned, set a limit, say £10? How much is she spending on your children?

[MrBloomsNursery]

Yes I do need to learn to say no. I'm an idiot.

They've never bought DD a present. They always give her £20 in a card. I don't mind this, but DD is growing up now and I think a wrapped up present would be more special to her than money in a card. 2 years ago she bought her a caridgan and jeans from TK mAXX that were 2 sizes too big for her. She's only started wearing those jeans about 6 months ago.

In the past I've bough DN's tamagotchi type pets, CD's, clothes and I helped pay towards their birthday party last year, with organising and buying the cake and SIL didn't even give DD a party bag at the end, saying that she was family and didn't need one. Oh, and I gave them £100 as a present.

I'm getting angry writing this all down. You're all right. Okay, tomorrow I'm phoning DB and asking for my money back - ALL OF IT. .

[pippilongsmurfing]

Why on earth would you give her 3K got from part excahinging your car?
It must be a good car if you are getting 3K on a part exch deal?

If you don't want a car on credit then surely the 3K will be needed for your new car?

I'm with amuminscotland - if they can afford a new car why can't they afford to pay you back?

It is not fair that their DC's suffer for their parents idiocy so do get them something,just make it V. cheap!

[MrsGaff]

You need to stop being taken for a mug. You need to stop discussing your car with them. As for the children's presents, how about "I was going to put money in the card but I've knocked £20 off all of that money you owe me instead".

[Collision]

OP - Grow a pair! and stop being a doormat!

They owe you money and you damn well need it back. Write down what you want to say and ring them tonight.

Tell them where to go regarding the car which-I-still-dont-get and tell them you have sorted that already.

For presents go to www.funkypigeon.com and get them some personalised stuff which she will not already have. Use Bank50 at the till to get 50% off.

Just do it. Now. Esp the funky pigeon as it only lasts today.

Come back and tell us how it went.

[MrBloomsNursery]

mrsgaff - that made me giggle out loud - brilliant!! I'm just going to put a tenner in the cards. They already treat me like a low class relative, so I'll just live up to the name.

[MrBloomsNursery]

Thanks for the advice collision. They've gone to her rich sisters house for the long weekend, so won't ring them tonight. Will do when they get back tomorrow.

[Purplebuns]

I have never heard the like, cheeky buggars!
You don't worry about how they get money they owe you, if they have to sell their house for less, that is their problem not yours! They are responsible for themselves and got themselves into debt.
And worse yet, if he didn't pay the loan back you presumably, would be responsible for the repayments and the bank would be after you as it is your bank account? If so you have lent them the equivalent of 20K and yet you are having to worry about house repairs?!
I hope you have proof you lent them the 5k as they sound like just the sort of twats to mess you around even more.
Good luck with the phone call, you need to do this for yourself and your babies.
Think how nice a car you could get if you traded in your banger for 3k and had another 5k to purchase

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

Why did you let someone else take out a loan in your name? If he defaults, you will be liable for the lot! YWDBU! to yourself!
Id be demanding the money now, and having no futher monetary dealings with them. As for the car, do exactly what you want with it!

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

How do you know it'll get 3k (and, um, 3k isn't a banger in my book!!)? There was a scheme about old cars but I thought it had finished, hadn't it?

I don't really understand that bit either. But you're right it sounds dodgy and none of their business.

I would be furious about the loan too - sounds as if they took advantage of your good nature and you need to put your foot down.