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AIBU?

To think this is not on....

68 replies

MrBloomsNursery · 29/08/2011 15:07

I drive a banger. Well it's not a complete banger, because it gets me from A to B, and it does the job.
Anyway, recently I've decided I want to sell it and buy a better car, as I am pregnant and want a more reliable car to put 2 children in the back.

SIL has got wind of this and has asked me twice to "part exchange" it and get 3K to give to her, because she's going to get a new car by the end of the year and she can afford the montly repayments.... Somehow, I don't think this is fair or even legal! I mean we can't afford to buy a car on credit right now, so why would I give my car to her to sell and get 3K in return?

On top of this, my brother has taken a 15K loan out from my bank account which he repays every two months....AND he's borrowed 5K from me. This was over 2 years ago and I still haven't got it back yet, even though I asked about 2 months ago. OH, and the icing on the cake - they send their daughters to private schools, sent them on holiday to NYC over the summer and CONSTANTLY showed off about it to me about how much fun they had.

Now, I know some of you may say that I'm just jealous, but I'm not. I know what I can afford, and what I can't. I'm just pissed off that if they can afford all of the things above, then surely they can pay back the rest of the loan and give me my 5K back? I left my job last year, and we really need the money, with house repairs and obviously the new baby.

I don't understand, if I had borrowed that much money from someone I wouldn't have the audacity to show off infront of that person about things. Crappy poo and another thing - their birthdays are coming up next month, and I really can't afford to buy expensive presents......so what the hell am I supposed to do? Can someone please tell me some cheap present ideas for a 10 and 8 year old.

OP posts:

Report

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 29/08/2011 21:14

OP, your family are financially abusing you. Sit back and visualise how angry you would feel if you discovered that they had done all these things to an elderly relative. Imagine they had all sponged from your granny!
In that case it would be totally unacceptable! Get angry, get strong and don't bloody well let them get away with it!

Sidge · 29/08/2011 21:24

Why are you doing this?

Why have you let your family have access to your bank account, direct debits, loans and overdraft facility?

It's not their money! Do you have Bank of Softie written across your chest?

Time to get a backbone and say ENOUGH. I know it will be hard as you sound lovely and kind but you are actually doing your own family and children a disservice by letting your siblings and their partners walk all over you. Why should their children get to go to private school on your dime whilst you drive your babies around in a banger?

plupervert · 30/08/2011 21:57

Is there anyone else in the family, whose knowing about this would shame them? You are reluctant to put this on your father because he is ill, but surely you could use his disappointment in your siblings for added punch against them.

You are only feeling guilty because they have acted without shame for so long that you have displaced their shame onto yourself. YOU NEED THE MONEY. Your child needs the money. Get it for your child, or else. Their children have had a fair run already, with the good school and la-di-da. Actually, it's time you became the kind of parent they are: put your children's interests above those of siblings whom you really don't care about.

Collision · 30/08/2011 23:09

bump

rimmerfleadick · 31/08/2011 00:00

Still don't understand the car and 3k in part ex.??.

If you are afraid of them falling out with you, let them. It's their problem if they cannot live within their own means. You are notthe bank of MrsBlooms.

Flip it, would they stump up if you needed money ?.

HipHopOpotomus · 31/08/2011 00:03

Why are you even thinking of buying them/their kids expensive presents!

honeybehappy · 31/08/2011 00:11

Why on earth do your family treat you like this? and when are you going to grow some balls and tell them NO? I don't understand why you keep letting them borrow money if you need it so badly?? What does your DH think?

Also why the fuck are you worring what to get their children when they just stick 20 quid in a card for yours??

HerRoyalNotness · 31/08/2011 00:19

Okay I got to the bit where you're ringing your bro for your money back.

Don't call him, email him. You need proof. Email him stating that you are needing to buy a car yadayada, and that you need him to repay the 5k you loaned him on xxx date. You would like the money in full by xxxx time. Also mention the 15k loan on your acct that they are paying, summarise somehow when they borrowed and the amount they're paying back monthly.

Make sure he replies to your email, if he tries to discuss on the phone etc, just say, oh, just send me an email back. you need him to acknowlegde that he owes you the money, so hopefully eh'll reply stating why he can't pay it back at that time.

Keep the email, print it also, and keep that copy safe, in case you end up going to small claims, or in case he denies it was a loan.

Billmelater · 31/08/2011 00:33

Best of luck, OP, you sound like a lovely person.

But...

Get your money back. No matter what it means for your brother.
Don't ever lend money to any of your greedy family members again.
If one of your family members ever needs money, and you have it to GIVE, go right ahead. But it's a GIFT. And if you don't have it to give, see rule 2.

kelly2000 · 31/08/2011 00:47

Just say no about the car, every time she brings it up. As for the money keep asking, and if he has to seel the house cheaper then tough as what he is saying is "i could pay you back, but I would rather you lost out than I did". keep asking everytime you see them, and do not be guilted into backing off. Can I just ask if the 15K loan is in your name, as he needs to have thta put into his own name if possible, as if he defaults you will have to pick up the pieces.
If possible when talking to them about the car and money try to envisage them taking their chilren on holiday with your money whilst yours has to stay at home, and be told that she is not getting a holidya as youpaid for her cousins to go instead - harsh, but it might give you some resolve.

kelly2000 · 31/08/2011 00:52

Think about it this way, who would you rather the money was spent on your children or theirs? It is very simple really. Your family sound lije they treat you like an ATm, and it has to stop you are a mother now not just their sister. Go to the bank, ask about transferring the loan to his name if possible, and if it is possible get the paperwork and tell him to sign it. Your sister will have to pay the £400 back to. If she yells and calls you a bitch so what?

isitmidnightalready · 31/08/2011 01:16

You could get your other brother to go withyou and fight your corner together.

They are busy wasting money they should be repaying to you. They are funding their lifestyle with your money. It is not important to you what they have to do to pay you back. It is their problem and decision. You will not be responsible for their daughter's not going to private school - they are. You are just wanting repayment of a long-overdue loan. Don't get drawn into their problems. Try the broken record approach - I need my money back - and don't allow yourself to get drawn into sob stories of the difficulties this will cause them. If ou don't know what to say at any point, just say "I want my money back".

You could always take their children out for the day - just you and the kids - for your birthday present - they will remember that much more than a present you buy. And it doesn't need to cost money - just use your imagination and find somewhere nice / exciting. That way, the present is between you and the kids and does not involve their parents.

Shame you didn't ring SIL up at her rich sister's house - that would have shamed them!

TheBride · 31/08/2011 01:24

Btw, I dont want to put a downer on this, but unless there's a loan agreement, the 5k and the 15k loans are technically gifts, so there's nothing the OP can legally do to get the money back. She certainly can't force the sale of the house, because even if they have a loan agreement, it will be unsecured. To force the sale of the house it would have to be secured on the house.

She might be able to threaten the brother with exposing fraud (taking out a loan on another person's bank account) but that doesnt really work as it makes the OP complicit.

That doesn't mean the OP shouldn't try to get the money back- she absolutely should- but legally it will be difficult to enforce.

Inertia · 31/08/2011 01:37

I don't understand how your brother has such free and easy access to your bank account, to the extent that he can just help himself to money in it?

You need an account that he pays a direct debit into to repay the money he owes, but one that money can't be withdrawn from.

No idea what's going on with the car, why would you give your SIL the £3000 from the sale /exchange of your car? Or is it her car? Because if it isn't, what the hell does it have to do with her?

Presents are the least of your worries. Get them some moshi monsters.Or a CD.

You need to sort out the issue with the money owed by your brother. His children's education is not your responsibility. You've already paid for them to be educated via your taxes. Perhaps you could offer to negotiate with the private schools on his behalf if he is having problems paying you back, explaining the situation to them? Bet he'd sort out his debt repayments pretty sharpish.

TheBride · 31/08/2011 05:12

Second Inertia re setting up a DD/standing order. My understanding is that you took out a personal loan for £15k on behalf of your brother, the repayments come out of your bank account, and your brother repays you when and if he can afford it. Fuck that. Tell him to set up a monthly stadning order for the repayment to hit your bank account one day before the repayment leaves your bank account, plus tell him to write you a cheque for arrears to date. That's then the £15k loan sorted.

The £5k. Set a repayment schedule between you- even if it's £200 per month it's better than nothing. Again, tell him to set up a standing order.

The £3k for the car. Say no. Say no again. Say "I said no you stupid avaricious bitch. Are you deaf or stupid or both !!!!!"

Sorted.

NorksAreMessy · 31/08/2011 06:51

MBN you have taken the first step to 'growing a pair' by coming on here and being yelled at my loads of MNetters.

The second is to tell us every tiny step forward you make. We will cheer, offer support and suggestions and really help you through this.
You will feel rotten at first, because you are used to doing all the giving. But you will feel absolutely totally and utterly fearless if you can get through this.

We are with you all the way. We are on your side. There are a LOT of us and we have a whole variety of hormonal, strong, funny, bitchy, clever, inventive, magnificent massive swinging gold plated ovaries!

The might of MN is behind you :)

What are you going to do first, MBN

Deesus · 31/08/2011 19:08

Let us know how this progresses OP as we're nosy cows really willing you on to get this sorted! Hope all goes well.

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2011 19:21

Yeah, c'mon MrB

Hope you're getting on OK.

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