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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be seriously disgusted with my friend?

77 replies

DevotionAndDesire · 28/08/2011 20:01

I have become friends with the mum of a boy that my DS went to nursery with.
Her DS is the same age as mine, 4 almost 5.

I found out this weekend that she 'occasionally' leaves her son alone on a night when his is in bed asleep.
To me this is compleatly unacceptable, and I told her so.
But she argued that it isn't for long periods of time and that once he goes to bed he is 'dead to the world' and has never woken up during the night.
She also said that she wouldn't leave him alone during the day, it is only when he is asleep and 'safe in bed'.

I just can not believe that she thinks that this is okay, but after speaking to another friend with a child of a similar age she didn't seem to think it was that bad.

Is it just me or AIBU to think this is terrible parenting to leave a 4/5 year old home alone whether they are asleep or not for any length of time?!?

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 28/08/2011 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justfeckinggoogleit · 28/08/2011 20:02

It is.

It is also criminal and SS would be involved IMMEDIATELY if they found out.

I would inform her of these facts and then I would phone SS.

nethunsreject · 28/08/2011 20:03

Yanbu.

Of course it is not okay to do this.

JockTamsonsBairns · 28/08/2011 20:04

Of course a child of that age should never be left home alone, regardless of whether they're sleeping. I find it incredible too that this mum has owned up to doing this, and doesn't see anything wrong in it. How long does she go out for, and how far away? Not that it makes it excusable in any way, just trying to get an idea of what she actually means by 'leaving him'.

IreneHeron · 28/08/2011 20:05

Not on, what if there was a fire?

groak · 28/08/2011 20:05

Would never do it" what if some one broke in, , what if child is ill, what if child wakes up and n one is there, what if there was a fire at home in house next door, what if friend had accident while out and no one knows child is home alone?

way too many possibilities for stuff to happen. dh friends use to do this and i couldn't believe it.

DogsBestFriend · 28/08/2011 20:06

Damn right YANBU.

DontGoCurly · 28/08/2011 20:07

Where the hell does she go?

mumatron · 28/08/2011 20:07

Of course yanbu but i would like to know a bit more detail.
What type of thing is doing? Popping to the corner shop or going to the pub for a few?

GreatNorksOfFire · 28/08/2011 20:08

Where is she going during the times she leaves him? How long does she leave him for? Minutes, hours??

Utterly unacceptable in any situation imo, but perhaps there are some mitigating circumstances not yet clear

eaglewings · 28/08/2011 20:09

DH still has flash backs of waking to find his parents were not in the house, he spoke to his brothers about this recently and they have bad memories of this and other similar events too

mankymink · 28/08/2011 20:09

I'm gobsmacked, not only that she does this but that another mother didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Where does she go while he sleeps? Up to the local supermarket? The pub? Not that it matters, I guess :(

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 20:10

Involve Social Services and do it quickly. That poor kid could have a nightmare, die in a house fire.

She is an irresponsible twat and I'd not be friends with her.

Original poster
DevotionAndDesire · 28/08/2011 20:12

OP

I have no idea how long for or where she goes, I just mentioned to her that I had been baking one evening and realised I didnt have an ingredient that I needed and how I missed the days when you could just pop out at your own convenience.
And she told me that there is nothing wrong with going to the shop if they are in bed, it's not like they are going to notice if they are asleep, and that she does it all the time.

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 28/08/2011 20:13

Awful, you need to make it clear t your friend that this is never acceptable. Poor little boy would be so frightened if he woke.

Nagoo · 28/08/2011 20:15

YANBU.

However, if I lived opposite the shop, I would go. But for 2 mins, and that's it. Same as going to the back garden IMO.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 28/08/2011 20:15

YANBU I would be disgusted too.

I can't imagine what it would be like for a child to wake up (for whatever reason) and find they were completely alone in the house at night. Sad Like other posters have said, anything could happen.

Also curious where she goes. It doesn't affect my judgement, I'm just nosy and wondering how she justifies leaving her little boy home alone at night. Hmm I'm a single mum with a young child with autism, little family help, don't drive, etc - I cannot think of a single reason why I would even consider leaving DS home alone whatever time it was. Prepayment meter runs out? Can wait til morning. Nothing for breakfast? Straight out in the morning. I have an accident and need to go to hospital? Wake him up.

I just don't get it!

microserf · 28/08/2011 20:18

it's seriously negligent parenting. i would never, never, leave my children alone for the night. not acceptable at all - house fire? nightmare? sudden illness? anything could happen.

MirandaGoshawk · 28/08/2011 20:18

It doesn't seem as if she goes out on a bender every night then, does it? Just up to get some milk or whatever, occasionally. But no, it's not on. You just need to point out to her (or someone does) about how awful she'd feel if the burglar/fire/illness scenario mentioned above were to occur. It's not worth the risk.

Oh, and please don't involve SS.

Dialsmavis · 28/08/2011 20:20

Ah OK if she pops to the shop round the corner then that isn't something I would ever even consider doing but I can't really get too worked up about it....

KAZAMM · 28/08/2011 20:21

no way is this acceptable. Hope you tore a strip off her when she told you. Do you think she'll stop now she's told you?

worraliberty · 28/08/2011 20:22

If you have no idea where she goes and how long for...then you don't know if it's a few minutes to the shop or out nightclubbing til the early hours.

I'm not saying it's right to do either but are at least 2 very different things

mumatron · 28/08/2011 20:22

I would leave my ds (10) at home to run to the shop (a 2 min round trip) but not any younger than that.

A trip to my closest shop is probably quicker than a walk to the end of the garden.

What if she locked her self out?

I could never live with the guilt if something did happen to my dc and I was not there.

squeakytoy · 28/08/2011 20:23

I would say it depends how close by the shop is. If it is in sight of the house, and only a few doors away then yes, I would probably do it. Otherwise then no.

worraliberty · 28/08/2011 20:23

Why wouldn't you leave a 10yr old for longer than 2 minutes?