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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be seriously disgusted with my friend?

77 replies

DevotionAndDesire · 28/08/2011 20:01

I have become friends with the mum of a boy that my DS went to nursery with.
Her DS is the same age as mine, 4 almost 5.

I found out this weekend that she 'occasionally' leaves her son alone on a night when his is in bed asleep.
To me this is compleatly unacceptable, and I told her so.
But she argued that it isn't for long periods of time and that once he goes to bed he is 'dead to the world' and has never woken up during the night.
She also said that she wouldn't leave him alone during the day, it is only when he is asleep and 'safe in bed'.

I just can not believe that she thinks that this is okay, but after speaking to another friend with a child of a similar age she didn't seem to think it was that bad.

Is it just me or AIBU to think this is terrible parenting to leave a 4/5 year old home alone whether they are asleep or not for any length of time?!?

OP posts:
Original poster
DevotionAndDesire · 28/08/2011 20:27

OP

I did tell her that if someone was to call social services she would most likely be in serious trouble but she said that SS only care about the people that go out leaving children alone all day or all night, not people that just pop out for short periods.

But I don't think that it is just a two minute pop to the corner shop for milk deal, she lives a good 15 minute walk from the nearest shop and it is a real treck (she lives right on the outskirts of town) and she doesn't drive.
I doubt she leaves him for hours but i do know that she has a good friend that lives a couple of streets over and it wouldn't surprise me if she sometimes 'pops' around there on an evening.

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 28/08/2011 20:27

When Dd1 was aound that age, we lived in a flat directly above a corner shop which was open til 10pm. On the very odd occasion I would run downstairs to the shop, grab what I needed and run back up - so back in two minutes. Can't see what harm would have befallen Dd in the very short space of time I was gone. I do find it quite incredible though that folk go out for the evening and are happy to leave children at home on their own.

TeddyRuxpin · 28/08/2011 20:28

I don't think it's acceptable at all.
As others have said what if the child woke up ill, there was a fire or someone broke into the house?
Even if the mum is nipping out to the shop for 2 minutes, what if something happened to her while she was out (knocked down by a car for eg) and nobody knew the child was home alone?

WhiffOfBath · 28/08/2011 20:29

Is this for real?

If so, she needs locking up.

SnapesOnAPlane · 28/08/2011 20:29

There's a massive difference between leaving a 4YO from 8pm-6am and going out clubbing all night, and nipping out to the shop for 3 minutes.
He was relatively safe in bed, if both she and your friend think there's nothing wrong with it, you're probably over reacting.
Presumably she will have taken precautionary measures - such as a neighbour looking out for her DS, before going out.

maypole1 · 28/08/2011 20:30

For those who don't think it's a big deal leaving a small child alone at night

Shall we ask mrs mc cann her views on this matter

My ex left my dd alone over night when he was 6 in charge of his younger sibling lets just say he no longer has contact.

Aything could of happened and we have all been out with the intention of just popping out when something happens and you end up out for hours, one night my oh went out for mc dondals which is 10 min in the car it took him 2 hours to get back whilst he was in mac donalds someone had been stabbed in the car parliament round the back the police would not anyone leave before names and address had been taken

And to be fair o sure I could get a whole thread going about benign delayed when you were only popping to the shops by unfortunate events

Just one of the reason you NEVE leave a child alone

Op do not let this person look after your child and I strongly suggest a call to ss

JockTamsonsBairns · 28/08/2011 20:30

But now you're making assumptions that she probably goes to her friend's house in the evening, leaving her son home alone? That's quite a serious allegation - and quite unfounded by the looks of things.

WhiffOfBath · 28/08/2011 20:34

Personally, I think she needs locking up even if it's just for three minutes. Hey ho.

ItDoesntBodenWell · 28/08/2011 20:34

So let's get this right then.. she said she thought it would be ok for you to pop over to the shops 2 minutes away, and the rest is just your wild speculation about how long she is probably leaving her son for and what she might be doing?

maypole1 · 28/08/2011 20:35

Um just poping out thats what my ex said that he had just poped to the shops. The thing I though

I wasn't aware the walk about was a shop

There in my view is nothing thats needs to be brought so urgent it cannot wait till morning

TimeWasting · 28/08/2011 20:37

Nipping to the shop over the road is one thing.

Of course you might get run over while you're out, but more likely you'd get injured at home, and no one would know there was a child unattended to either.

ManateeEquineOhara · 28/08/2011 20:38

I wouldn't leave my DCs (ages 6.5 and 9.5) alone at night although I sometimes leave them home alone for very short amounts of time during the day. In bed they are pretty helpless, awake they know where you have gone, can call you if they need to etc. I also think 4/5 is too young to be home alone any time.

However you don't actually know that much and are making assumptions about her visiting a friend or walking to shops that are some distance away, it may be something else that takes a few minutes (not that I can really imagine what - the only thing I can possibly think of is feeding a neighbour's pet!).

maypole1 · 28/08/2011 20:40

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2030378/Kayleigh-McNaughton-left-baby-toddler-locked-car-went-drinking-bar.html

This women told police she hd just ment to pop to the shops as well

The mc canns had just poped out

When will peope learn to look after their bloody kids

maypole1 · 28/08/2011 20:42

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2030378/Kayleigh-McNaughton-left-baby-toddler-locked-car-went-drinking-bar.html

Small children should not be left alone end of

spiderpig8 · 28/08/2011 20:42

I think it depends how long she is leaving him.If it's popping next door to feed the cat whilst they are on holiday,that's ok.If she is going out on the town or grocery shopping-no way!

Original poster
DevotionAndDesire · 28/08/2011 20:42

OP

I did tear strips off her yes, I think that it is totally unacceptable.

Yes I am only guessing, but they are educated guessed based on what she said and what she has previously told me.

I do not believe that she leaves him for hours, but from what she said it didnt sound like it was a 2 minute pop out.

Her argument was that she would never dream of leaving her son alone during the day, but when he is asleep it is fine because he never wakes up and is perfectly safe while in bed.

She was so sure of her argument that it convinced me that it is a pretty regular occurrence.

OP posts:
maypole1 · 28/08/2011 20:44

I am sure this women is saying she is poping to the shops but the truth is we have no way of telling were the fuck she is going.

Like I said my ex swears he just poped to the shops but the night in question he was seen in the pub and god knows how long he had been leaving them for before I found out

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/08/2011 20:45

Surely she's aware of what happened to a small child a few years back where the parents thought it was perfectly acceptable to leave infants alone while they 'popped out' - allegedly periodically going back to check their offspring were ok?

The danger is that once a parent has 'got away' with popping out for a short time, they can become complacent and extend the length of time they leave the child/dren home alone.

IT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE TO LEAVE SMALL CHILDREN ALONE OUT OF SIGHT AND HEARING.

TimeWasting · 28/08/2011 20:47

So I can't put the bin out?

MmeLindor. · 28/08/2011 20:48

Devotion
You don't need to put OP at the start of your post, btw.

A quick nip to the shop if you live VERY close is acceptable. Since you say this is not the case, then she is being extremely silly.

squeakytoy · 28/08/2011 20:48

The McCanns had not just "popped out".. they were out for a few hours, drinking and enjoying their social life.

CurrySpice · 28/08/2011 20:51

Izzy "IT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE TO LEAVE SMALL CHILDREN ALONE OUT OF SIGHT AND HEARING."

Really? I can't nip upstairs for a crap while the kids are in the garden?!?

Bumblequeen · 28/08/2011 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

halcyondays · 28/08/2011 20:52

Yanbu,and I'm amazed that the other mum didn't think it was that bad. I could never bring myself to go out of the house leaving young kids in bed even if it was just for a few minutes. Nothing can be so urgent that it can't wait. Even if you were feeding a neighbour's cat surely you would just do it before you put your children to bed, taking them with you if need be.

I don't believe there is such a thing as a child that never wakes up, either. What child hasn't occasionally woken up because if a cough or been sick in the night, for example?

biddysmama · 28/08/2011 20:52

my neighbour does it all the time, i ring the police up every time i notice

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