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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alcohol at 11

84 replies

furtree · 25/08/2011 01:08

Eldest daughter is 11 going to secondary school in two weeks time

Today we were invited to a barbecue, they have a daughter same age and my friend offered her daughter and mine a alcoholic fruit flavoured drink.

I stopped her but find myself wondering if it so wrong to let her have had it?

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 25/08/2011 01:09

What drink was it, and are you talking about an average wine glass size drink?

jasper · 25/08/2011 01:09

I wouldn't either

snippywoo2 · 25/08/2011 01:15

alcopops thin edge of the wedge

Birdsgottafly · 25/08/2011 01:26

If you don't want her to drink then you are within your right to say no.

I think that the biggest influence on a child is how the adults around children handle alcohol.

I can see the point that nobody needs to drink but it is within our culture to drink. If it is a celebration then i suppose giving a child a drink is ok, within reason. As a society, we should be questioning our alcohol intake and why we drink when we do.

bakeyouhappy · 25/08/2011 02:31

I wouldn't like it either. More of a question of why then why not.

bakeyouhappy · 25/08/2011 02:31

I wouldn't like it either. More of a question of why then why not.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 25/08/2011 05:19

I especially would have disapproved because it was effectively an alcopop. I mean, I think 11 is too young for any alcohol, but if you're going to introduce a little bit as a family-supervised in-moderation thing, then at least make it taste like alcohol. Watered-down wine at the dinner table, taht sort of thing.

scrivette · 25/08/2011 08:01

I wouldn't have wanted her to have an alcopop, however I would have allowed wine with water or lemonade, or a shandy.

ChairOfTheBored · 25/08/2011 08:08

See, at first I thought this was about whether you could start drinking at 11 am Blush

Like scrivette I owuld want to introduce her to alcohol in a home/family situation, but a beer, shandy or lemonade (or very weak G&T) rather than a fizzy sweet alcopop.

But then my mum found me enjoying neat gin at the age of 6*, so what would I know?!

*NB - no long term harm/drink problem ensued, other than a life long hankering for Hendricks.

MrsRobertDuvall · 25/08/2011 08:51

Absolutely wrong.
They are 11.
Is this a new friend or one your dd has known for a while?

exoticfruits · 25/08/2011 08:55

Absolutely wrong.
I would ban fruit flavoured alcohol-the young simply wouldn't like it if it wasn't fruit flavoured.
I wouldn't start at 11yrs- and I would never start with sugared ones-there is no need to make it acceptable to the young.

Isindebetterplace · 25/08/2011 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scholes34 · 25/08/2011 09:15

Why would an 11 year old want to drink an alcopop when they can just have the pop?

In primary school, the children have discussed the issue of alcopops and the "danger" of them. I bought one for my DD to try and let her have a few sips. She was amazed at how they just tasted like a fruity fizzy drink, but understood the affect the alcohol would have on her. DH wanted to tip the offending drink down the sink (he's more of a real ale man), but I volunteered to do the decent thing and drank it myself.

ChairOfTheBored · 25/08/2011 09:18

I quite agree with exoticfruits on sweet fruit flavours - if it tastes like juice, kids will enjoy it for that reason alone.

But in my experience young children don't actually like the taste of 'proper' alcohol, so by making it available in controled (and diluted) circumstances, they get to decide for themselves they don't like it, and you avoid making it a forbidden fruit which appeals to them in later years precisely because they aren't allowed it.

northernruth · 25/08/2011 09:20

Are you kidding?????? Of course it would have been wrong. Kids shouldn't drink alcohol of any kind. Kids who drink underage are far more likely to have an alcohol issue as an adult. There may be an argument for supervised sensible drinking in the parental home (altho there's no point if they see tha parents getting legless) but certainly not at aged 11.

I'd have kicked off never mind decline graciously Confused

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 25/08/2011 09:21

I think a total ban is a bad idea - It will then become kind of tabboo which will make her want it more, I'd have suggested a shandy or perhaps a mouth ful of gin to put her off a little while longer (I didn't like drink that much after my Mum let me have a mouthful of wine when I was about 11 and didn't ask again until I was 13!)

Its so hard to know what is right and wrong but I'd say if it felt wrong it was wrong - Do it in your own time and don't let anyone pressure you otherwise it will happen more and more

Bubbaluv · 25/08/2011 09:22

I would be furious!! And I am a seriously chilled parent on most matters. 11!!!??? No WAY!!
Maybe a sip of Mum's wine or beer or something like that, but their own alcho-pop!!?? Practically abuse IMHO.

grumpykat25 · 25/08/2011 09:22

I like the watered red wine with Sunday dinner approach. Alcopops are the devil's work- if she likes lemonade she can have lemonade. If she likes (watered down) red wine, then that's fine too imo (Just the one glass, with a meal).

Gonzo33 · 25/08/2011 09:24

My family are sicilian and we were always allowed a watered down wine (normally lemonade but you get the picture) from around 7. This was only ever allowed at the dinner table with our meal.

I have done the same with my DS, but I would not ever allow him to have an alcopop.

Interestingly enough, he is not keen on beer shandy but does like a very small glass of wine and lemonade (25% wine 75% lemonade) with dinner.

Not sure how that will work out when he hits 18 though, am hoping it is teaching him to be sensible Grin

inchoccyheaven · 25/08/2011 09:34

It wouldn't enter my head to offer an 11 yr old an alcoholic drink especially a whole bottle to themselves. Certainly wouldn't offer it to someone elses child either without checking with adult first.

My DS2 who is 9 has always wanted to taste DH ale and has been given a few sips of it and has on occassion had a small glass of wine with sunday lunch but I wouldn't offer it to him, rather wait for him to ask for it and judge on circumstances.

DS1 is 11 and has never shown any interest in drinking alcohol. Then again he only drinks tea or water and has never wanted juice so he wouldn't go for the alcopop. I have said that when he is older we expect that he will drink alcohol but have tried to show them you can drink responsibly.

niceguy2 · 25/08/2011 09:35

I think YABU.

Banning them from drinking makes it all the more cooler. Allowing them to drink in a setting where there are responsible adults introduces them to the concept that drinking is fine in a social setting. Taking away the "banned" part of drinking makes it less cool as well.

My DD was probably about 11.5 when she was first offered a bottle of VK at a new years eve party. I was chilled about it. She got merry after a couple. End of. Over the years I've been intentionally laid back about it. She's never felt the urge to go out and get bungalowed because she hasn't had to need to "rebel". She's seen us adults drink sensibly and follows. If all she knows is sneaking a bottle of cider and getting wasted in the park then prepare for trouble. My DD has been very sensible and mature about drinking. Often if I offer she declines.

So if your friend was only going to offer 1 maybe 2 bottles if they were there for a long time then fine. It introduces her to an adult concept in a slow controlled way.

DialMforMummy · 25/08/2011 09:37

YANBU They will discover nasty alcopops soon enough.

Badtasteflump · 25/08/2011 09:46

I am shocked that an adult would even consider offering alcohol to somebody else's child! YANBU!

DH and I aren't big drinkers, maybe a bottle of wine between us at the weekend and/or a couple of beers. If our eldest (14) is around he'll sometimes ask us what we're drinking, and we let him have (literally) a taste. I don't want him to think it's a big exciting 'forbidden fruit'. He will also have a small glass of champagne with us at big celebrations, Christmas, etc - but if any of his friends were there, there is no way I would offer it to them - whether their parents were there or not.

UndercoverWorker · 25/08/2011 09:52

Why on earth would someone offer an 11 year old alcohol?? I agree with the watered down wine/sip of beer approach but that's a world away from offering two children a totally unnecessary drink.

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