Alcohol at 11

[furtree]

Eldest daughter is 11 going to secondary school in two weeks time

Today we were invited to a barbecue, they have a daughter same age and my friend offered her daughter and mine a alcoholic fruit flavoured drink.

I stopped her but find myself wondering if it so wrong to let her have had it?

What if the friend had offered them a cigarette? A line of coke? A toke of a bong?
11yos are children - pre-pubescent in a lot of cases. There's a big difference between letting them have a taste of wine or a watered-down glass with dinner, and handing them an alcho-pop all to themselves. Explains a few things though.

FFS! This has got to be a piss take. What sort of moron would accept their 11 year old drinking alcohol.

"1 maybe 2 bottles" - I am a regular drinker and two bottles of alcopop makes me pissed. Why would you let an 11 year old do that to their body? ffs

I think it depends on the child. My parents tried the sensible drinking approach, letting me have a bit of wine on nice occasions, not making it too taboo, etc, and I still ended up raiding their liquor cabinet and getting drunk in the park. My parents had no idea, I'm sure they really congratulated themselves on what a good job they did keeping me from being a drunk teenager.

I suspect it has less to do with what the parents do and more to do with what their friends and classmates are doing.

Oh and YANBU, alcopops at 11 is just stupid.

Alcopops are pop for adults. Children don't need the alcohol. If they want a nice drink to celebrate at a part, make an effort by making them a nice fruit juice based cocktail. Eleven year olds don't need to be "merry" with alcohol.

tortoiseshell speaks a lot of sense.

Alcopops were invented to persuade young women who do not like the taste of alcohol to start drinking.

My ds 12.5 asked to try his dads bitter whilst we were on holiday, we agreed. Ds pulled a face and said that is disgusting. I too agreed as I don't like the taste of bitter or lager and never drink it. I think it is far better for children to find out this way. Also there is a lot of evidence that suggests that children, by that I mean young adults, should taste the "real" taste of alcohol which most of them will find disgusting. Alcopops on the other hand taste of fruit juice and the alcohol in them is disguised and so there is a real danger there.

Many thanks for all your replies. Just got back from work and managed to read all your replies.

It wasn't an alcopop, it was some sort of alcoholic fruit flavoured drink, a lot like Baileys Irish Cream but peach flavoured, I forget the name, it was Puerto Rican apparently.

Of course I rather she did not drink but one has to be realistic and wonder if allowing her a glass or two at a get together is so wrong.

Well I was allowed to drink, I'm french though (raised in ireland). Watered down wine etc from the age of 6 was common place as I'm sure it will be with my DC(s). But don't know how DH will feel about it, he gets funny about my DN having a drink.

Alcopop I would say no.

But what you are discribing 'it was some sort of alcoholic fruit flavoured drink, a lot like Baileys Irish Cream but peach flavoured' I would have no problem with a small glass at a get together. But then that is coming from the pont of view of drink from a young age, not sure if that is your first taste of alcohol.

But there is no harm it, better there and let her see a healthy social way to drink than some ways.

To be honest what I find shocking is other people thinking it ok to give other peoples kids drink

If you wanted your child to drink YOU would of got her one

11 years old and achol pop dear lord have you haver every wondered what she would of had if you were not their

I had watered-down wine with Sunday lunch from the age of about 8 or 9. Never did me any harm (hic).

No, seriously, I think it really de-mystified alcohol for me. I have never really felt the urge to go out and get smashed. I have always associated wine with food, sitting round a table, socialising with family etc.

Alcopops/fruity spirits are a different kettle of fish though. And I would be very pissed off if someone offered my kid alcohol without checking with me first.

Jeysus no, if they offered her a watered down wine or a beer, yes - an alchopop is just a vile way to get pissed.

Horrid.

Wot Count sed.

I think it was incredibly rude of them to offer.

Have pretty much always offered sips if wine etc to the kids - and if the environment is right they can have alcohol if they want in a family meal context - eg when we were in France a couple of years ago ds (13 then) was offered and had a glass of wine with his meal (15 yr old eldest declined). But my one hard and fast rule has always been no alcopops.

Alcopops are a cynical marketing ploy to make alcohol not taste like alcohol and therefore acceptable to child's palate. You also have little idea tastewise how much you have consumed and how fast.

Alcohol at 11- I guess if she wanted half a glass of wine or cider/ beer at such an occasion I'd say yes to the youngest ( now 12) but she would be unlikely to want it.

If my kids are having alcohol and a friend and parents are about we will all have some- but that has literally been an inch each of fizzy ponk for a new year toast etc

This is so wrong, what else, did they offer a cigarette? I would have been seriously cross with the person offering the drink.
Please, could this myth just stop.... French kids are NOT given watered down wine at the age of 6, 10 or 12! Maybe it did happen 50 years ago but it is not the case anymore. I was never given any. None of my friends were given any. It is as much frowned upon there as it would be anywhere else: Giving alcohol to kids is just shameful.

When I was growing up the only drinks I had were strong spirits at Hogmanay with my grandparents, I must have been about 14, I remember enjoying the novel lightheaded feeling, but it didn't make me want to drink. I went to a pub at 18 and it was an occasion, so it wasn't like I drank before that point.

I say this to give the lie to the line about "If you say no to your children they'll just rebel and become raging alcoholics", because it didn't happen to me. Some children are hopelessly square and are obedient to their parent's wishes.

Also I had a mum who would come home raging drunk occasionally and I hated what drink did to her. My Dad too come to that. So if you want square, alcohol-avoiding children, just drink a lot as parents to put them off.

I've got a pretty relaxed attitude about alcohol but my dn who lives with us used to live with MIL, now MIL smokes and never drinks so she has the moral high ground over evil drinkers and she has raised dn to be scandalised about anyone drinking. Its a most irritating aspect of his personality, we have to keep telling him not to gossip about adults who drink as if its the worst thing they could be doing.

Dh has never ever been drunk in his life, he was a square teenager, then a Christian, then married to me, so he's never had any wild lad's nights out kind of phases in his life. My Mum was scandalised about dh never having got drunk. But I still haven't managed to get dh drunk.

To those who are adamant it is wrong, let me ask you this:

At what age do you think it's acceptable then?

At what age did YOU drink?

How do you expect to teach your child to deal with alcohol if they are not allowed to touch it until they're 18?

I'm not suggesting we let kids get pissed. But it's totally unrealistic to expect them not to drink. Half of teenagers have drunk by the time they are 15.

And in that context it's better to introduce it openly in a controlled manner. So your child can talk to you about what the effects are, so they can be honest about what they are doing. Than ban it and they just hide it.

I've a teenage daughter and I've found that it's way better to give her the information and let her make her own mind up on things than "forbid" things.

As for smoking, actually I'm incredibly grateful to my late granddad who used to smoke himself. I was about 9 when I was very curious about this strange smoking thing he was doing. He gave me half his cigarette. I've not touched one since.

I can hear the screams of child abuse now from some but for me that half a fag has stayed in my mind for 30 years and I haven't touched one since. Even when all my mates at school smoked, I walked off.

Ditto with drinking. Once you can send your mum to the off license at 14. Once there's nothing to hide, it's not cool. It's just a waste of money. I didn't drink much as a child in the end and I barely drink now.

I am against the disguising it with fruit flavours-niceguy2. Without the sugar they would hate it. If they are going to be offered it young at least try with wine or beer.

*Banning them from drinking makes it all the more cooler. Allowing them to drink in a setting where there are responsible adults introduces them to the concept that drinking is fine in a social setting. Taking away the "banned" part of drinking makes it less cool as well.8

at 11? I totaly desagree with you and am with OP on this one. For an 11 yo child, hanging out with their friends is social setting most of the time and NO I would not want my DCS to drink in that context. You might be very lucky with your own DD *niceguy2" but for one of her, how many will not be as mature as her if offered an alcoholic drink at 11?

"She got a bit merry after a couple"

Why would you put her through that?

I understand your logic exotic but what I'm trying to do is rather than ban something I know my DD's going to do anyway and instead guide her.

So for me, I KNOW she will drink alco-pop's one day. They're blinking everywhere. So like Theas18 says, I'd rather she learned that drinking is a social thing between family & friends over a meal/special occasion.

Rather that than drinking is getting as much as you can, nipping down to the park and getting smashed behind the cricket pitch.

So for me it's not what they drink, it's about teaching them how to drink.

Over the next few years my DD will start going to parties where alcohol will be a given. It's those times which are the most scary for me as a parent. It's those times where they'll be exposed to hordes of teenagers who are completely pissed and I'd rather my DD has learned to handle alcohol rather than find herself awake the next day naked and possibly pregnant.

Agree with Isindebetterplace, I never drank at 11 and wouldn't allow my children to . It shocks me that some people do! I don't come from a middle class background either, working class and East London.

I was probably around 15 or so which seems more reasonable to me.

I wouldn't ban them-but I certainly wouldn't hand them out or want them to be handed out.
If they want to be adult and drink alcohol they should develop adult tastes to go with it.
Fruit flavoured alcohol is being adult but with childish taste-they are not ready IMO.

Alcohol even in small doses effects brain and hormonal development and it is not recommended for children under 15.

why then in most european countries where it is the norm to share wine from an early age, are there not more kids with developmental problems (I would wager a lot less then in this country) and why do those same countries not have the same terrible binge drinking plague that we do? Genuinely curious about this. "The United Kingdom is the only country that has a minimum legal age for drinking alcohol in a home"

also some say they wouldnt allow alcopops but would allow wine with lemonade? why? you are just making the wine nicer by making it sweeter, same as the alcopops

dont get that at all

gorionine To a certain extent I have been lucky with DD. But I also believe much of it is because I have consistently promoted the concept that if she shows me she can be mature then I will treat her as such. If she wants freedom then she has to show me responsibility.

So if she shows me she won't get pissed then I'll let her drink. She can go out with friends as long as she's back when we agree. She buys her own clothes with her own allowance but then she's responsible for her own money. Etc.

I think ppl are getting overly hysterical over this. I'm not proposing letting an 11yr old drink freely. Just 1, maybe 2 bottles at a family/friend gathering with mature adults around isn't such a bad idea. I'm not suggesting "here's a crate of VK's, go get pissed!"

As for the whole health thing, oh please! The odd bit of alcohol isn't going to hurt is it? We were told if we didn't breastfeed our kids would be ill & stupid. Neither has happened despite both of them being bottle fed. Both consistently have school attendance > 99% and are top of their classes.

Is common sense nowadays dead?