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AIBU?

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Original poster

Alcohol at 11

84 replies

furtree · 25/08/2011 01:08

Eldest daughter is 11 going to secondary school in two weeks time

Today we were invited to a barbecue, they have a daughter same age and my friend offered her daughter and mine a alcoholic fruit flavoured drink.

I stopped her but find myself wondering if it so wrong to let her have had it?

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 26/08/2011 12:06

What planet are you on niceguy? Allowing, some would say encouraging, an 11 year old, however mature in your view, to drink two bottles of VK? Don't suggest I should calm down. I'm quite calm thank you.

muminthemiddle · 26/08/2011 12:08

Scrambedeggs
If you read my earlier post you would see that Alcopops were infact created to encourage young women who didn't like the taste of alcohol to drink.
I guess lemonade with wine is the same principal though. Hence my earlier post.

CoffeeOne · 26/08/2011 12:19

YANBU - it's your choice as a parent. However, some of the comments on this thread are talking about drinking this young is a slippery slope, not necessarily. I was drinking small amounts of alcohol at 11 (and 12 and 13 and 14....) some with my parents knowledge (wine with special meals) some without. I never turned into a binge drinker and save alcohol for special occasions, rarely more than a glass of wine or two a week if that (none at the mo due to being upduffed!) If children are sensible and are taught the risks there is a good chance they'll turn into sensible adults.

maypole1 · 26/08/2011 12:43

its not the drinking thetas the issue here if people want to give their OWN CHILDREN gin then that's their issue but the fact people are ok with people offering drinks to children who are not their own is outrageous really

its the same as offering a child a fag in my view if you are happy with your kids to smoke then fine but don't try and turn my children

then to make you feel like a prude for not allowing the foolishness

if the op wanted to get her child a drink she would of got her one she didnt need any one else to offer her daughter

maypole1 · 26/08/2011 12:48

thins is not about drinking it s about going over a nother parents head

some parents just have no respect in this manner

wether i think somone is being a prude of not they are not MY CHILDREN AND ITS NOT FOR ME TO OFFER ANYONE ELSES KIDS ACHOL OR FAGS

applechutney · 26/08/2011 13:08

Niceguy you obviously inhabit a very different world to mine.

The idea of watching my 11 year-old get 'merry' after a couple of bottles of alcopops turns my stomach.

Bubbaluv · 27/08/2011 03:26

Niceguy you ask "At what age do you think it's acceptable then?"
Are you implying that they are never too young? I agree that introducing drinking in a controlled family environment can be OK, but I would say only once a child has at least reached puberty and has done most of thier growing.

I also don't really think that introducing alcohol in the home has much of an effect on most children's attitude to drinking. I think they are much more influenced by the attitude of the broader society around them and unfortunately british society has a pretty dreadful relationship with booze. Similar here in Aus, although laws seem to more stringently enforced here and it's not so easy to buy alchol.

My friend's Dad decided that giving us a pack of cigarettes at 15 would cure us of any desire to smoke. In fact by the end of the pakcet we had taught ourselves to inhale properly so as not to embarrass ourselves in front of friends and we both continued to smoke well into our 20s.

My parents let me have wine with dinner in my teens and it was all very civilized at home, but the teenagers around me drank to get blind and it looked like a lot more fun than sober restraint. And it was! Terrible for our bodies and brains though I'm sure.

Tarenath · 27/08/2011 09:37

YANBU

She is your child and it is your decision as to whether or not she is allowed alcohol.

Personally, I was allowed a small glass of wine on a saturday night at home with dinner once I as about 11 or 12. It sated my curiosity and I never felt the need to go binge drinking as a teenager like many of my classmates. My best friend in school was never introduced to alcohol so felt the need on her 18th birthday to go out and get pissed. I don't remember it ending well!

slightlyunbalanced · 27/08/2011 10:13

The legal limit is 21 in the USA for a good reason.

That's when your liver is fully developed and able to process and tolerate small amounts of alcohol within doing any permanent damage to it while it is still growing and developing.

ragged · 27/08/2011 10:18

Doesn't stop huge amounts of under age drinking in the USA, though, Slightly. Getting "shit-faced" is like a badge of honour for American teens.

The other part I can't figure out is this: during medival times in Europe the only safe drink for weaned toddlers was weak beer (or wine). Yes it was very weak, but people drank that and only that all day. Yes they died younger than anyway and drinks are so much stronger now, but I suspect humans have evolved pretty well to cope with daily very small amounts of alcohol from a young age. But we don't have massive evidence of mass liver failure for most the populace over those many centuries.

I would object too, OP, on the basis that it's somebody else's child, they should have asked you first. From 8yo DC are allowed a little very diluted alcohol very occasionally during family meals, but I can't dream of offering any such thing to somebody's else's child.

slightlyunbalanced · 27/08/2011 10:21

At 11 though the parent can decide whether or not her child gets "shit faced". What other drugs to people here "safely" introduce their kids to after freaking out a few yrs before about breast is best and organic diets Hmm

Claw3 · 27/08/2011 10:26

The legal age in USA to buy alcohol is 21, but young people can still legally drink in private, the same as here.

MmeLindor. · 27/08/2011 10:39

Can anyone link to EVIDENCE about the dangers of alcohol to children?

There are a few threads (including the MNHQ/Anheuser InBev survey) at the moment about alcohol and children and I would be interested in recent research on this.

Not anecdotes about children in France and Italy drinking watered down wine from an early age - as an aside, we live in French speaking Switzerland and have French friends and I have never heard this so am wondering if this is an old fashioned idea there now - just like the parenting advice has changed in UK over the years.

I am also a bit bemused at the "water it down with water or lemonade" thing - isn't that just as bad as alcopops? Especially if you water it down with lemonade, which makes it sweet and disguises the taste. It is strange that so many people say they do/intend to do this, but are shocked and horrified that someone offers a child an alcopop.

FWIW, OP - I would have been angry that my child had been offered an alcoholic drink at 11yo. I don't see why a child should be introduced to alcohol at such a young age. And I would certainly not let her have one or two drinks and get "merry".

What about the effects on the liver? Which brings me back to the research question.

Claw3 · 27/08/2011 10:48

I dont get the idea of the people who are saying, alcopops shouldnt be given to children, but watered down wine is fine, as they are introducing their child gradually to sensible drinking and dont want to add sugar to make it taste better.

Its ok for a child to drink, as long as they dont like the taste, is the message then?

StealthPolarBear · 27/08/2011 10:50

No chance - I am all for the gradual introduction at a social setting with parents around, but not at 11. Maybe 13 or 14.

MmeLindor. · 27/08/2011 10:50

Ah, just seen the Guardian link.

Yes, Claw, exactly.

Either alcohol is not damaging for DC, or it is.

If it is, then why is watered down wine ok?

PIMSoclock · 27/08/2011 10:54

Children do not produce the enzyme that breaks down alcohol (neither do most people of Asian origin) this means that the harmful effects of alcohol are worse and last longer making alcoholism much more likely in repeated exposure

Scaevola · 27/08/2011 11:01

MmeLindor: here's a US governmental report on effects of childhood drinking. Aside from accidents, it lists brain liver an growth/endocrine effects.

The "official" drinking age there has produced a typical "first taste" age of about 14.

I think it is unhelpful to set up a polarising argument linking the judgement that 11 is too young, with a refusal to engage in any exposure to alcohol or discussion thereof until 18 when jettisoned overnight into the adult world.

Scaevola · 27/08/2011 11:02

I think I managed to omit the link - here it is!

MmeLindor. · 27/08/2011 11:09

Scaevola
Thank you.

I do agree that children should be introduced gently, but at an age that their bodies are able to properly process alcohol.

It seems we should be looking at

a) the physical - when is a human able to process small amounts of alcohol without causing damage?

b) the emotional - how do we prepare our children for the consumption of alcohol, warn of dangers and teach them to drink sensibly

Claw3 · 27/08/2011 11:10

Mmelindor, im just not getting the message they are trying to send to children and how this will help them to drink 'sensibly', seems they are actually trying to discourage drinking by making it taste horrible. If you want to discourage, just say no!

The whole point of adults drinking is that we DO like the taste, we DO like the effect it has on us. Drinking sensibly does not involve drinking you dont like the taste of, just for the sake of it, surely!

Claw3 · 27/08/2011 11:11

something you dont like the taste of!

MmeLindor. · 27/08/2011 11:14

yy. It is like giving a child a cigar to put them off smoking then lighting a fab. Do as I say, not as I do. Mixed messages which confuse the child.

I hate to introduce class into the discussion, but I do think it is a motivator here.

"oh, we allow her to have a watered down pinot grigot" is acceptable but "she can have a bacardi breezer" is not.

And yes, I know that a bacardi breezer contains more alcohol than watered down wine.

MmeLindor. · 27/08/2011 11:15

A fag.

Not a Fab. I am not setting fire to MNetters here.

bucaneve · 27/08/2011 11:23

Re: old fashioned idea. I'm 23 and Italian and was allowed a finger of wine with a meal when I was younger. I went to Italy this summer and my friend allowed her son to have a sip of her white wine. So, not old fashioned in Italy, don't know about France tho.

I wouldn't let an 11 year old have a whole alcopop tho. Surely, they'd get drunk. I'd maybe pour about half into a glass so they could have a taste tho.

While we are all giving anecdotes, I drink a lot less than any of my English friends :)