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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at MIL for ...

92 replies

Mylittlebubble · 15/08/2011 18:47

... letting my DD (3.4) to sleep for over an hour during the day leaving bed time a nightmare for us!

DD dropped her daytime sleep ages ago and goes to bed well between 7-8pm. MIL looks after DD 2 days a week 8-6 which we are eternally grateful for so feel bad being annoyed. However last week she let her sleep for over an hour during the day and we had a nightmare getting her to bed that night, gone 10pm. My Dh was not impressed and rang her and said in an angry tone not to let her sleep during the day as it is not fair on any of us come bedtime, (everyone getting tired and upset).

Well MIL knows best doesn't she! Picked up DD today and low and behold she has been allowed to sleep again during the day! Not sure which part of do not let her sleep she didn't get.

I have thought about whether we are asking too much but DD does not sleep when she is with me/ us.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 15/08/2011 18:49

How do you stop her sleeping?

cjbartlett · 15/08/2011 18:49

How on earth is she meant to stop her sleeping? She's tired in the day still, you need to get used to it. If she was at nursery they wouldn't keep her awake either

usualsuspect · 15/08/2011 18:50

yabu

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 15/08/2011 18:51

If you don't like MIL's methods, pay for a childminder.

Jackstini · 15/08/2011 18:52

Depends how long ago she dropped her nap and what kind of day she has with MIL compared to when with you.
Our nursery has about 2/3rds of them still napping in the age 2-3 room but none in the age 3-4 range.
Think your dh was BU saying it in an angry tone to his mum that is doing you a favour

reelingintheyears · 15/08/2011 18:52

If i'd looked after your DC in order to help you out i'd be pretty pissed off if you rang and had a go at me for letting a child sleep for an hour.

I wouldn't be helping out again in a hurry.

Honeydragon · 15/08/2011 18:53

Well don't get MiL to look after her. My SiL use to do this with her Mum, throw a tantrum if DN fell asleep in the car or in the afternoon.

Poor MiL was often in tears as SiL was always so angry. Your daughter, deal with it. But for your dh to have a go at his mother is really horrible, if she has any sense she'll tell you to get a cm.

activate · 15/08/2011 18:53

if a child is tired they sleep

Yama · 15/08/2011 18:54

YAB totally U.

"Not sure which part of do not let her sleep she didn't get." I find this sentence particularly unpleasant.

Put your dd in a nusery if you are so dissatisfied.

BeerTricksPotter · 15/08/2011 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gapants · 15/08/2011 18:59

as much as I can see why this would bother you, ultimately your MIL is doing you a favour and you have to trust that she is letting your DD sleep because she is....TIRED.

YABU I am afraid, and your DH telling her off in an angry tone I think is pretty rough.

Flisspaps · 15/08/2011 19:01

"If you don't like MIL's methods, pay for a childminder."

And if your DD is tired at the childminder's or a nursery, a good one will let her sleep.

YABU

pozzled · 15/08/2011 19:05

YABU. If she is sleeping, it's because she is tired- how do you expect your MIL to keep her awake? (genuine question).

I think your DH was extremely rude to use an angry tone of voice to his mother, who is doing you both a huge favour by providing (free?) childcare. At a nursery they would let your DD sleep as well if she were tired.

lemmein · 15/08/2011 19:07

I look after my DNs - one is nearly 2 and the eldest is 4 in January and both of them have a TWO hour sleep through the day. They don't when they're at home either - but when they come here they are up far earlier than when they're at home (cos they take their mum to work with their dad). When they're at home their mum is off so they can sleep in.

I take them out in the morning to knacker them out - they come back, have their dinner then off for their nap. When they get up they play in the garden so come half 5 they are getting tired again. My DB and sil still have them in bed by half 7.

I think YABVU - and if my brother spoke to me in an 'angry tone' when I am looking after his children I'd tell him to do one! Your MIL shouldn't have to put up with a ratty, tired child throughout the day just to make your life easier at bedtime.

Becaroooo · 15/08/2011 19:09

Pay a CM then!

YABU

AuntiePickleBottom · 15/08/2011 19:09

yabu, if she is tired she needs sleep.

LuceyLasstic · 15/08/2011 19:10

if MIL is taking care of her, her rules go

if you dont want her to sleep, look after her yourself

CaptainMartinCrieff · 15/08/2011 19:11

YABU

BabyDubsEverywhere · 15/08/2011 19:12

I look after my dn for FREE (but unwillingly Grin ) and my sis always has a go about letting him sleep. There are few and far between kids that will sleep if they dont want to, if they fall asleep they must be bloody tired. I cant be arsed to battle DN to keep him awake when i think its wrong anyway! And if it pisses her off that much she can pay someone to look after him.......same goes for you DD surely.

Like most things in life, with childcare you often get what you pay for....your not paying, so you get what you're given!

birdsofshoreandsea · 15/08/2011 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DumSpiroSpero · 15/08/2011 19:15

YABU on this one (and believe I understand what a minefield and monumental PITA having relatives look after your child can be - was in that situation 6for 3 years Confused!)

8-6 is a bloody long day for your MIL and your DD. Is there no way you could address the issue in a way that works for you both? I know when my DD was that age she still sometimes nodded off but it tended to be later in the day (3-4pm). If this is the case perhaps you could suggest your MIL puts her down for a nap or some quiet time after lunch, so she has the chance to tire again by bedtime.

gapants · 15/08/2011 19:18

also I bet your MIL is glad of the break in the day when your DD naps, it os a full on day....Maybe you would be better getting a CM to do half days with your MIL? So CM in the morning, then MIL later?

saladsandwich · 15/08/2011 19:21

yanbu to be annoyed, my ex-mil does loads of things that annoy me but for your dh to have a go at her yabu

cat64 · 15/08/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HappyMummyOfOne · 15/08/2011 19:22

YABVU, if I provided free childcare and then got a phone call shouting at me for a trivial thing i'd tell you exactly where you could stick your free childminding service.