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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to accept the money

54 replies

FriggFRIGG · 14/08/2011 20:51

okay,very generous and lovely FIL has offered me a large amount of money,to take a course i have been saving for.
the course will enable me to get back to work within the year and be self employed,doing something i have always wanted to do.

the course is normally set in locations i would find it hard to get to (i would have to stay away at least a week),but on this occasion,it is only about a 30 min train journey,and during times DP is home so i wouldn't have to worry about child care.

he has said he does not want to be reimbursed (although i would of course try to give him the money back at some point),there are no strings attached,except that i complete the course and get working ASAP.

i am shocked.
i have No Idea what to do,
i really want to take the course,but can i really take so much money from him???

Help!

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 14/08/2011 20:51

Accept the gift graciously.

nickschick · 14/08/2011 20:52

Yes.

He is family and it is advantageous to your family.
You can do the course with minimal disruption.
Become a success and always remember your fil gave you that chance.

FabbyChic · 14/08/2011 20:54

YOu pay him back when you start work, you don't say I don't think I be able to pay him back you accept graciously on the understanding he takes the money back.

scurryfunge · 14/08/2011 20:54

If he is insistent that it is a gift then accept it. You can buy him a lovely thank you gift when you are up and running.

Claw3 · 14/08/2011 20:55

Very generous of him, i would accept, but pay what i had already saved.

DitaVonCheese · 14/08/2011 20:55

Yes. Why wouldn't you?

Hassled · 14/08/2011 20:56

FGS take it. Assuming you know him well enough to be sure this won't become a stick to beat you with at some stage - that there'll be no "well I paid for your course so you must let us stay for a month over Christmas" type shit.
He must be very fond of you indeed :). He sounds lovely.

CustardCake · 14/08/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsyj · 14/08/2011 20:56

Yes, of course. He wants to do something lovely for you. Let him, and show him how much you appreciate it by telling him that you are enjoying the course (assuming you do!) and by working hard at it.

Original poster
FriggFRIGG · 14/08/2011 20:56

Thankyou,
just to make clear,the gift has been offered through my DP,(on the phone,very casually!!) so i havent said anything to FIL myself yet,so i haven't been rude or declined/accepted,as yet.

im really bad at this kind of social situation,and i want to get my response right!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/08/2011 20:57

Yes take it. Ultimately it will also benefit HIS grandchildren, and you are his daughter-in-law who he obviously thinks a lot of too.

kayah · 14/08/2011 20:58

accept only if inding that job would be viable

AngelDelightIsFab · 14/08/2011 21:00

Yes, accept it but do make it clear if/when you will pay him back, how much and when and also ask what will happen if you can't complete the course for some reason. This is a great gift and as long as you believe your FIL to be completely altruistic, then go for it. Otherwise, treat it as a loan, and make it known to FIL as such. Either way, this will help you won't it?

FabbyChic · 14/08/2011 21:01

I would accept it but I would pay it back. If it means you get a job ergo you are earning because of it there is NO reason why it cannot be repaid.

skybluepearl · 14/08/2011 21:02

accept the money. How lovely to be able to help out

thefirstMrsDeVere · 14/08/2011 21:03

I am sure it hasnt been offered on a whim. To turn him down for no reason other than you are overwhelmed could upset him.

I can understand you being unsure but the money is for something that would benefit your whole family and it doesnt seem an out of character gesture from FIL.

Original poster
FriggFRIGG · 14/08/2011 21:03

i will be using the money already saved for the train journeys,and the rest toward the course.

i dont think it will ever become a stick to be beaten withWink as he has form for being incredibly generous,i just didnt expect it to ever be directed at me!

i am worried,that i will fail at my course/carer though,and feel doubly guilty about it,but i am not the most confident of people!

i do however know for certain that i will work long and hard to try to make it work.because this is something ive wanted to do for a very long time.

OP posts:
Ivortheengine8 · 14/08/2011 21:04

I would accept it because he might feel upset if you don't. Maybe buy him a little thankyou gift or something to show your appreciation. Lucky you!

Original poster
FriggFRIGG · 14/08/2011 21:06

i will of course give him the money back!
i said i would 'try to' not to indicate i would try to find the money,but that i would try to make him accept it!!!

OP posts:
Whathashappenedtomyboobs · 14/08/2011 21:06

Sorry I'm going to be negative....is he controlling/interfering in anyway? My FIL continues to do things for my family because he likes to know whats going on and have a say in EVERTHING!!!arrrrh!!! If so don't take it! If not lucky you and take it!

Whathashappenedtomyboobs · 14/08/2011 21:08

Everything - I can spell :) god I sound so ungrateful but others who have interfering in laws will understand.

Original poster
FriggFRIGG · 14/08/2011 21:12

not not controlling/interfering at all.

i am used to that kind of behaviour though as my parents are....well,odd.and i would never take money from them,nor would it be offered.

i guess im just completely overwhelmed with it all.

i am so glad the general opinion seems to be that i should take it!
it sooo exciting,and means HUGE things for our family.

now,how should i go about accepting and thanking this wonder of a man?!

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 14/08/2011 21:17

yes take it - he probably sees it as not doing something for you, but doing something for his son's family.

trixymalixy · 14/08/2011 21:26

Take it!! Make it worth his while by working your socks off to pass the course.

MirandaGoshawk · 14/08/2011 21:33

Accept it graciously.

Just a thought - have you looked into Govt. funding for the course? I did a week-long private course to learn proofreading & editing and because I had been out of FT education for a long time I got a couple of hundred pounds, IIRC, towards the course. Worth a google.

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