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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling all ex-wifes - AIBU

70 replies

Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 12:07

to think my DH ex wife shouldn't have stayed sat/talking with the immediate family for the whole day at a family function, then go onto a restaurant with said family whilst DH and i felt a bit pee'd off at it

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 08/08/2011 12:08

She's still part of the family. I'm an ex wife, and I am still considered part of my ex PILs family. I am invited to family events and functions, and XH is perfectly happy with me going.

Do you have children with your XH?

BitOfFun · 08/08/2011 12:09

It's a free country.

worraliberty · 08/08/2011 12:09

OMG yes YABVU

Why shouldn't she?

I divorced my ex not his family Confused

HeidiKat · 08/08/2011 12:10

Depends on the circumstances really, need a bit more detail. Do your DH and his ex have children that were also present and ex wife wanted to spend some time with them? I think you are being slightly unreasonable if the only reason you wanted her gone is that you were peed off at her presence, sure she was invited to said function?

Ormirian · 08/08/2011 12:10

MIL remained on friendly terms with FIL's family even when they had divorced. Made it easier for DH and his sisters for a start.

bananasplitz · 08/08/2011 12:11

yes unreasonable

who are you to say who people can and cant talk to/invite to functions

mummakaz · 08/08/2011 12:11

I love my in laws and I would certainly still keep in contact with them if me and dh were to ever split up whether he liked it or not....

SarahStratton · 08/08/2011 12:11

Sorry, that should read 'does your DH have children with his ex wife'.

T'was a long night, is my excuse Confused

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2011 12:11

You have to bear in mind that in all likelihood when she was married to your husband, they loved her and she loved them. They were family.

Now, because your husband has left her, it doesn't mean that they no longer have a relationship with them. Your husband may not love her, but why should they stop?

Would his family have invited her if they didn't like her? Would she have gone if she didn't like them?

I'm sorry, but you are the newcomer into this family. Just because you are there it doesn't mean your predecessor shouldn't be.

SarahStratton · 08/08/2011 12:13

Oh and btw, my XH and I have worked very hard to maintain a good friendship. Because we put our DCs feelings above anything else.

Whatmeworry · 08/08/2011 12:13

I know one divorced couple where the XW gets on better with the PIL than their son, and also she has the cherished GC :)

prettyfly1 · 08/08/2011 12:14

I am a second partner and whilst I would be very uncomfortable with dhs ex wife being at a function (because she makes life hell) I wouldnt attempt to stop it or be rude. In fact mil frequently goes out with dhs ex wife and has a great time. Like the others have said, they were family once and provided she isnt stalking you both and using events like this to curry favour against you or be manipulative I think you need to suck it up and be glad you are part of such a nice sounding family.

bananasplitz · 08/08/2011 12:15

my husband looks on my mum as his mum, as his died when he was 14. If we split up, i am certain they would keep in contact, as he would with my sister and her family

why not. they have been family for 30 years, you cant just flip a switch because X decides to run off with the milkman or Y falls out of love

squeakytoy · 08/08/2011 12:16

YABU, but I can understand it too because my husbands ex still visits my MIL. My MIL is grandparent to this womans children, so there will always be a connection even though she is divorced from my husband. I hate the woman, and she hates me, but I just say nothing and let her get on with it.

Be thankful your husbands ex doesnt send your MIL a birthday card with "to a lovely Mum" on it Hmm.

SarahStratton · 08/08/2011 12:18

I still send my MIL birthday cards like that Grin

Cheria · 08/08/2011 12:20

Are you jealous of her good relationship with your DH's family?

Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 12:24

ok a bit more history is needed then......they have no kids (we have 1), they split up 8yrs ago, this was the first time we were all in the same room and inlaws must have made reference to it (in one way or another) a thousand times.

MIL has a great relationship with ex wife, but surely, why sit by her side for over 6hrs???? and them knowing that DH can't stand her!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 12:25

but squeaky she does.....and there are no children involved

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 08/08/2011 12:26

Because they are mature enough to be able to maintain a relationship with someone who was, and to them probably still is, part of their family.

Their relationship is between them, DH needs to suck it up and grow up. Especially if they split up 8 years ago.

bubblesincoffee · 08/08/2011 12:26

Yabu.

I am the ex dp, we weren't married, but I am still mother to the children that that relationship created.

I am on good terms with my ex's family, they even invited me to be in the family car at ex dp's Dad's funeral.

Why wouldn't I talk to them at an event? I know them well, they were once my family, they are still my children's Nan, cousins, Uncles and Aunts.

If the new wife/dp had a problem with it, my ex would tell her to suck it up. But in our case she wouldn't, she's nice, but she may well be secretly pissed off about my presence.

Why were you and your dh 'a bit p'eed off'? What was she actually doing wrong?

bananasplitz · 08/08/2011 12:27

so what? MIL and her obviously get on, stop being bitter

squeakytoy · 08/08/2011 12:28

Hmm, if there are no children involved then yes, I would be a lot less tolerant.

How long were they married for? and what sort of family function was it that she was invited to?

sarah, my husbands ex is just a nasty piece of work tbh.. for 28 years she has either not sent a card, or just sent a general "happy birthday" card.. this year was just spite intented to get a rise out of me and my husband.. she is just a loon.

akaemmafrost · 08/08/2011 12:34

So she was sitting there getting on great with everyone while you are your dh were seething and sulking elsewhere?

Think you both need to grow up a bit actually.

SarahStratton · 08/08/2011 12:35

I can appreciate that, squeaky, XH's first wife was a pita and they haven't kept in contact with her. But they obviously have a good relationship with this ex wife and the OP and her DH should appreciate that it's their choice to do so.

Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 12:41

not pee'd of with her, she was just drunk.
Not jealous of their relationship what so ever, but would have thought they would put the son's feeling above hers, he felt he couldn't relax, everytime he was talking she was trying to interrupt the conversation.
They were married for 3/4 years in their 20's
And i do think and agree that the Ex's with children involved SHOULD be involved in the inlaws because of the kids - BUT WITHOUT? WHY? maybe it's because i find it hard to understand as i haven't kept in contact with any ex's parents, don't see why i should once the relationship had broken down - and in your 20's too?????

OP posts:
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