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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling all ex-wifes - AIBU

70 replies

Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 12:07

to think my DH ex wife shouldn't have stayed sat/talking with the immediate family for the whole day at a family function, then go onto a restaurant with said family whilst DH and i felt a bit pee'd off at it

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 08/08/2011 12:45

Did she tie MIL down to keep her beside her? Sounds like MIL might have been making a point too, whatever that might be.

I think you are overthinking it. Its an irritant, nothing more unless you let it be.

worraliberty · 08/08/2011 12:45

She obviously has a special bond with them

FreudianSlipper · 08/08/2011 12:46

well obviously they like her and may have not seen her for some time so wanted to catch up

so what how can you be threatened by a women you dh split up with 8 years ago

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne · 08/08/2011 12:46

YABU My XP's wife invited me and the DC to her 40th birthday party.

Although my XMIL and I weren't close, so lost contact after we split, when she died I went to the funeral, partly to show my respects and partly to support my DD. My X and his wife picked us up in their car and took us to the church and then the crematorium. After the furneral we went back to his XSIL's and sat outside chatting.

spookshowangel · 08/08/2011 12:47

suppose it depends how well they got on and how acrimonious the split was, i dont really speak to my father in law but we were never close. my dp ex wife is in contact with her in laws but mostly in regards to the children i doubt she would be getting invites to family functions.

Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 12:48

and no we wasn't sat sulking in a corner, why would you even think that, we are adults afterall, we enjoyed the day, it would have been lovely to have spent good quality time with the family (which is rare due to location) without having the ex stuck by the MIL whilst talking about our children/our business/his siblings/THEIR FAMILY

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 08/08/2011 12:51

Sorry, I just don't see this as a problem, unless you make it one. Not likely to happen again is it?

Mitmoo · 08/08/2011 12:54

You just sound jealous that he has had a past and made a family with her, I am only hearing that the ex was being friendly with her ex inlaws. The fact I can't stand my ex doesn't mean his family have done anything wrong and I still get on well with them.

littlegreenalien · 08/08/2011 12:59

you do sound a bit jealous and possessive

Something I learned from my parents may help you get over this...

"just because you don't understand doesn't make it wrong".

Oh and....

the plural of wife is wives

the past tense of "we are" is "we were"

Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 13:02

akaemmafrost - at a wedding next year - can't wait lol

and Mitmoo, he made no family with her, and yes she was being friendly, but why monopolise his mother, she see's her nearly everyday (live in a small village where everyone knows everyones business) You say you get on well with your ex's family, would you attend a family function of theirs and then proceed to sit with his parents for the whole of the event? then move onto a restaurant (where you wan't invited) again, with them - and all the while knowing that it stn't because you haven't seen them in an age, you were only with them on Friday???? Getting on well with someone and sticking with them for 6 hrs is completely different - i wouldn't sit with my sister and family for that length of time without mingling with other people

OP posts:
feckwit · 08/08/2011 13:04

I am always really pleased that my husband's first wife still comes to family functions etc, it makes things much nicer for all involved and the chidlren.

Mind, she came to our wedding!

SoupDragon · 08/08/2011 13:05

"and no we wasn't sat sulking in a corner, why would you even think that"

because that's what it sounds like and you should like spoilt brats.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/08/2011 13:05

Maybe your MIL likes the ex more than you? Maybe the MIL enjoys the ex wives company and wanted to spend as much time with her as possible? Maybe you need to think about hoiw you would like to be treated by your husband's family should the pair of you divorce. Your husband needs to accept this woman is a friend of the family and if he is that angry about her being there, maybe he should comnsider staying at home next time.

Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 13:05

I'm sorry Littlegreenalien didn't realised i had asked for a grammar lesson - my apologies

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 13:07

whose children feckwit? your DH and the ex?

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 08/08/2011 13:09

*you do sound a bit jealous and possessive

Something I learned from my parents may help you get over this...

"just because you don't understand doesn't make it wrong".

Oh and....

the plural of wife is wives

the past tense of "we are" is "we were"*

Tsk Tsk, people in glass houses really shouldn't be throwing stones. Your post is littered with grammatical errors. Grin

Mitmoo · 08/08/2011 13:13

Yes I would, I've been to family functions post split. You've answered your own question, she sees her every day so they clearly have a close relationship, they've known each other since she was 20.

There is your answer, I'd wager someone invited her to the restaurant

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/08/2011 13:13

for littlegreenalien

akaemmafrost · 08/08/2011 13:14

It sounds like his Mum enjoyed the company. I can't imagine many people would let themselves be collared for "6 hours" unless that was the case. Maybe his Mum invited her to the restaurant? So what if you wouldn't sit with YOUR sister for that long. What has that got to do with the price of chips?

You know you and your dh sound like one of this silly couples that haven't got much to say to each other unless they are taking umbrage over something petty "done to" them by others. I have parents and sisters like this so I know of what I speak.

Honestly I am not being horrible but almost EVERYONE on here has told you, you are BU and I think you and your dh sound like a right pair of uptight misery guts.

Original poster
Mumofjz · 08/08/2011 13:14

:)

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 08/08/2011 13:15

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think it's a bit bizarre that someone's ex wife was invited to a family do. As the OP says, the ex wife sees the MIL and family quite often as they live in the same village - in effect they are friends. You don't normally invite friends to a family event, especially if you know your son (the OPs DH) is going to be uncomfortable about it. IMO the ex wife can be friends with who she likes but she should be kept outside of family events, because she is no longer part of the family.

I think the OP sounds pissed off, and understandably so imo. OP, could your DH mention this to his mum and ask that his ex wife not be invited to family events and explain that he feels uncomfortable about it?

ChitChattingagain · 08/08/2011 13:16

Well, I'd be annoyed like you are, but it sounds as if you handled it fairly well. If it's a one off, just take a deep breath and get over it.

If it continues to happen, then I'd be getting more annoyed. It's a FAMILY function, not a family and FRIENDS function.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/08/2011 13:16

What sort of a family event was it, OP? Did his ex know many other people there apart from your ILs?

FreudianSlipper · 08/08/2011 13:17

maybe they find you boring and not really surprising if this got you so wound up you came on here to vent

upahill · 08/08/2011 13:21

If you are adults as you say and the divorce was 8 years ago why couldn't you join in the conversation?

I was at a reunion last year and on the table was me and my mates. Sat next to one of my mates was her exes wife and then her (friend's) ex husband and then the gang we used to hang round with.
Lots of laughs and a good night. No bitchiness.

Other mate has her ex and his wife round for BBq's, birthday parties and the like.

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