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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell off my dad?

60 replies

Nagini · 31/07/2011 11:29

Last week my dad offered a hideous, dirty large piece of tat to my DS.

I declined to take it from his house, as I am not going to have it in my home.

He came over yesterday, and when I went into DS's room this morning it was in there.

I was furious, because now when I throw it out, DS is going to be upset. I am going to throw it out, it is too big to hide and horrid.

I rang him and explained that although he might think it is funny, it isn't, as my DS will be upset.

He swore and put the phone down.

Was IBU?

OP posts:
Loonytoonie · 31/07/2011 11:31

Need more info OP.
What was the 'tat'? A toy? clothing?
Without more info, you do sound a little U.

Beepazoid · 31/07/2011 11:32

I think my sentiments will be echoed by others, but what exactly is the 'tat', Nagini?

But your dad shouldn't have ignored your express wishes, quite frankly...it really riles me when one's parents do it with their grandchildren and then they think it's funny.

fedupofnamechanging · 31/07/2011 11:32

I think if you told him you didn't want it and then he ignored you and brought it over anyway, then yanbu to object.

Hope you did it tactfully though. It's hard to know from your OP, whether he was giving your dS something that he genuinely thought your ds would like, or if he was just unloading his tat onto you, as some people are inclined to do.

feckwit · 31/07/2011 11:33

define "tat"?

IvyAndGold · 31/07/2011 11:35

Can't you take it back to his place and say you don't have room for it, but DS can keep it there to play with, since he obviously quite likes this 'piece of tat'?

My grandparents buy lots of old toys, and what people would consider 'tat' for DD, but new or old make no difference to her, if she get's enjoyment from playing with it, what difference does it make?

Agree with loonytoonie, without more info on said piece of tat, you sound a little unreasonable and a bit precious.

LoopyLoopsTootyFroots · 31/07/2011 11:38

Of course we need more details.

Ambergambler · 31/07/2011 11:42

Your Dad shouldn't have gone behind your back, and you're well within your rights to tell him this. If you were 'furious' though, he may think you were having a massive over reaction. Always best to calm down first.
Without more inof, then I can't say much more, other than I hope you didn't refer to the item as you have in your post as you have probably offended him. It was probably quite important to him, if he wanted your ds to have it, rather than get rid of it.

Original poster
Nagini · 31/07/2011 11:46

no, he definitely wanted to get rid of it. It is not a toy. He knew I would not like it, so gave it to DS with the intention to wind me up.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 11:50

Are you sure your rejection of it initially wasn't misconstrued as 'I can't take it with me now', and he thought he'd be doing you a favour?

Wtf is it?! And why would he deliberately wind you up?

Ambergambler · 31/07/2011 11:53

If he was deliberately winding, then you should have said nothing and got rid as it's pointless to wind if you don't get a reaction. Is it something DS can keep outdoors / garden shed / elsewhere if you think its removal will upset him? DS is going to be seeing you as the bad guy in this situation Sad

squeakytoy · 31/07/2011 12:14

what on earth is it?

If it is dirty, clean it.

TottWriter · 31/07/2011 12:19

YANBU to be cross that he went behind your back to give your DS something you specifically declined, but the level of unreasonableness would really depend on what this thing actually is, and how you handle it now.

I mean, if it is something you just "don't like" but is perfectly okay for your DS to have, maybe you should just clean it and let him have it. My DC have toys I don't really like, but they enjoy them, and that is, surely, the point.

If it is dangerous, or you don't have any space for it and it will intefere with DS's room, then YANBU to chuck it.

Honestly though, tell us what it is!

Bigglewinkle · 31/07/2011 12:22

Can we guess the tat?
My guess is that it's her Dad's collection of Readers Digest...

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 12:51

I can't give a verdict without knowing what the tat is!

OP, come back right now!

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 12:52

I think it's a chair. I don't know why!

Or maybe an easel.

Original poster
Nagini · 31/07/2011 12:54

ambergambler I am going to be the baddy yes :(

tidydancer he thinks it is funny to put unsuitable items in people's houses/ shopping trolleys etc.

I didn't raise my voice or anything, I explained that it is fine to do this if it only affects adults, but if my DS gets upset and it makes me the bad person in this then it is not funny. I asked him not to do it again.

I'm going to see him later and pretend it didn't happen.

tottwriter it is not a toy, is large and is covered in dubious stains and what I assume are mould spores. I am not letting him have it.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 12:54

Okay, your dad sounds odd. But wtf is it?!

superjobee · 31/07/2011 13:02

your dad sounds eccentric Hmm not fair on you when it involves your DS tho. you should remind him theres a line and he's crossed it by bringing your son into his silly games :(

Original poster
Nagini · 31/07/2011 13:08

I did tell him, but his response has made me feel like I'm the one who is out of order :(

OP posts:
superjobee · 31/07/2011 13:18

how old is your DS? is there any way you can explain to him that grandad might give him silly things sometimes and even tho he might like them they arent suitable for him and maybe when he is a big boy he can have something like that but you can buy it shiny and new for him and wouldnt that be much nicer etc so he isnt too disappointed?

DuelingFanjo · 31/07/2011 14:06

what is it, what is it?

HowlingBitch · 31/07/2011 14:08

Is it a big traffic cone?

BeerTricksPotter · 31/07/2011 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/07/2011 14:11

DFIL does this sort of thing all the time. Buys crap at car boot sales and then gives them to my DC's. I then have to dispose of said tat. Angry

BoysintheHood · 31/07/2011 14:12

YANBU. You declined yet he brought it anyway, he's upset your DS and swore at you.

But I still need to know what the thing is.