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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out about my niece on facebook!!

62 replies

ihaveforgottenmyname · 27/07/2011 15:20

I was doing my usual facebook check stalking when the laptop froze and when it was working again clicked onto SIL's page. Low and behold there was quite a few congratulations messages about her being in labour. This was at 8pm last night and she had been in hospital from lunchtime. My brother hadn't called obviously, I got up at 4am this morning with my 14 month old DS and had a quick check on her facebook Baby Girl arrived at 00.02 and still no call from my brother. Yes I am aware it is a exciting and busy time but to not call me or my mother is a bit hurtful especially when all of facebook knows! My brother did call eventually at 11am this morning with no details just to say it was a girl and they will visit us not us visit them!!! I am just so hurt that he is not letting us be part of this special time I have been so excited about being a Aunt for the 1st time now it doesn't look like I will get to see the baby anytime in the next few days :( ````````````````````````

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/07/2011 15:23

Welcome to the 21st century... It's so easy to hack everyone off these days with birth announcements because the FB to the mates beats the phone-call to granny or the Twitter feed to DSis. Don't fall out with your brother over an accident of bad timing or poorly chosen words. It's unlikely to be malicious.

ZillionChocolate · 27/07/2011 15:24

Baby's going to be around for a long time, the first few days aren't really crucial, especially not to the baby. I can understand why you're disappointed but you don't know how SiL is feeling so you really need to respect their expressed wishes.

BrianKnowsAll · 27/07/2011 15:30

to be fair, when i went into labour we grabbed the car keys and ran, didn't have mobile phones or phone numbers on us till we escaped the hospital hours later, maybe she texted a friend and said she was in labour and the friend was congratulating, and everyone else decided to join in? having had a baby yourself you know its a hectic time :) they're probably not being funny or anything, maybe you can call this eve and ask how things are going and could you pop by tomorrow to see how mums getting on, and of course see the beautiful baby?!

IvyAndGold · 27/07/2011 15:33

I wouldn't mind not being informed so much, it's a busy stressful time, but if people he'd gone to school with years ago found out before me then I wouldn't be very happy!

Insomnia11 · 27/07/2011 15:39

I phoned/texted everyone myself from the hospital - midwife said it was ok to use phone. DH is crap at disseminating information/communication in general.

UKSky · 27/07/2011 15:40

Why do people get so stressy about this? Does is matter how you found out and in what order you were told?

It's THEIR baby, not yours, and it's up to them how they announce the news. Don't use Facebook and think it's vile but it was surely easier for them to post on there than ring/text everyone.

and now you're pissy that you'll have to wait to see the baby. Again, it's THEIR baby, you have no rights or claims to it. Why don't you just let them get on with being new parents in their own way and be pleased for them, rather than feeling slighted.

I got all this "attitude" from my MIL when DD was born, and to be quite frank it's pathetic.

So, in case you haven't guessed, I think YABU.

biddysmama · 27/07/2011 15:44

you are on facebook so maybe they thought youd find out that way? one message on facebook knowing people will see it is easier than numerous individual calls when you are busy looking at with a new baby

Fimbo · 27/07/2011 15:46

It probably is easier to pop a message on FB that way most folk will see it. I hated when people came to visit in hospital, I have had sections with both of mine and you just feel so grotty, I would really see people in my own home when I was ready.

CheshireDing · 27/07/2011 15:48

Am I being prudish to wonder why someone would write on Facebook that they are in labour?

It was probably easy to type a status update from their phone rather than having a longer telephone conversation. He rang you in the morning, I think that's fine :)

itisnearlysummer · 27/07/2011 15:49

YABU.

He could FB from outside the delivery room and tell everyone in seconds. Alternatively, he could spend the day phoning/texting everyone, answering the same questions, giving the same information countless times whilst ignoring his newborn baby and her mother.

Ephiny · 27/07/2011 16:06

YABU - if she was born in the middle of the night of course he wouldn't start phoning people right then. He called you the next morning, which seems perfectly reasonable to me. And I don't blame them for not wanting visitors for the first few days, your SIL may not be feeling up to it or they might just want a bit of time to get settled, especially if it's their first baby.

I'm sure you'll get to meet your new little niece soon, you just need to be a bit patient and remember it's not all about you.

Personally I wouldn't have put such things on Facebook, especially not all the details about being in labour etc! But that's their choice. And it allowed you to find out sooner, so what's the problem?

InstantAtom · 27/07/2011 16:16

YANBU. It's pretty rude to inform all and sundry on Facebook before you even let your close family know.

Xales · 27/07/2011 16:36

Cut them some slack!!

She was in labour from at least mid-day until she had the baby that is 12 hours and you have no idea what sort of labour it was!!!! Perhaps supporting his wife was more important than calling you and your mother.

By the time they were probably done with all the paperwork etc it would have been another hour maybe longer before they got to a ward, your brother saw his wife and new baby safely to bed and left to get home himself.

He probably posted the update and then dropped into bed. He was probably then up and off to see them this morning.

He did call you this morning just not as early as you would like.

It is also their special time. Leave them to enjoy it. They have told you they will come and see you when they are ready. What is wrong with that? Should she get out of her bed for you and god knows how many others to turn up and disturb her first days with her new born or should she, your brother and the baby spend their first few days alone if that is what they want?

diddl · 27/07/2011 16:53

We told our parents afteer PFB arrived & left it to them to pass on to anyone else-including my sister.

I then caught up with people when I could be arsed out of hospital.

fedupofnamechanging · 27/07/2011 16:54

I think he should have called his mother before posting on fb. Granny should hear the news before friends and other relatives.

faaaaghinatub · 27/07/2011 16:57

Get over yourself, OP.

She had the baby at midnight, he updated FB to let everyone know, personally called you the morning after. It's not about you - they're very busy being new parents, and whilst I'm sure you are very important to them, they honestly do have more important things (both practical and emotional) to think about right now. Cut them some fucking slack. The baby isn't out of the womb 12 hrs and there's already a relative "hurt" about not being the center of attention.

Good god.

TheBigJessie · 27/07/2011 17:02

"I have been so excited about being a Aunt for the 1st time now it doesn't look like I will get to see the baby anytime in the next few days"

Don't say anything like that to either your brother or your SIL. Keep the ranting to here, only.

She's probably trying to adjust to motherhood (for the first time, presumably). And adjusting to motherhood is a long harder than adjusting to being an aunt. Aunts do not go through pregnancy, labour, or birth.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/07/2011 17:06

Maybe he thought you would check on FB to find out about the birth so it would be OK to phone you later.

You really don't know what happened. If she was in hospital from lunchtime and the baby was born at midnight she may well have been in labour since early morning on that day so your DB might well have been in a total panic on the go for 24 hrs by the time he got home.

zdcgbjm · 27/07/2011 17:13

Yabu one fb message, that you could see, is so much easier than multiple phone calls when you've just been hit by a truck had a baby. It's not like he didn't call, just did it a bit later.

AuntiePickleBottom · 27/07/2011 17:14

On my 1st nobody saw him for over a fortnight, I lived over 50 miles away and a few of my nieces and nephew cam down with chicken pox.

Yabu it Is Like you want to bed the centre of attention

utah · 27/07/2011 17:16

not letting his mum know would be a kick in the teeth esp if she found out in general chat from someone else.

InstantAtom · 27/07/2011 17:16

Not everyone is on FB though, and the OP didn't realise that's where she should be looking for news.

muffinflop · 27/07/2011 17:17

I bet her mum knew Grin

I think it's bad taste to post on FB before telling the family but each to their own I guess

Original poster
ihaveforgottenmyname · 27/07/2011 19:25

Ah thank you for the not so nice replies! They are having a "family bbq" this evening at her parents so looks like she is feeling up to visitors! I have seen her on facebook so that will need too do until they are ready to let us meet her.I would think not telling close family but to text pictures of her to friends isn't all that nice but hey ho just wanted a rant!

OP posts:
candr · 27/07/2011 19:45

I think my sis would be very upset if I let her find out about being auntie over FB rather than a call and I know they will want to visit asap but will respect me if I say to give it a few days as long as I have family rather than friends over first. I prob will put it on FB (not the being in labour bit) but only after the close family calls.

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