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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out about my niece on facebook!!

62 replies

ihaveforgottenmyname · 27/07/2011 15:20

I was doing my usual facebook check stalking when the laptop froze and when it was working again clicked onto SIL's page. Low and behold there was quite a few congratulations messages about her being in labour. This was at 8pm last night and she had been in hospital from lunchtime. My brother hadn't called obviously, I got up at 4am this morning with my 14 month old DS and had a quick check on her facebook Baby Girl arrived at 00.02 and still no call from my brother. Yes I am aware it is a exciting and busy time but to not call me or my mother is a bit hurtful especially when all of facebook knows! My brother did call eventually at 11am this morning with no details just to say it was a girl and they will visit us not us visit them!!! I am just so hurt that he is not letting us be part of this special time I have been so excited about being a Aunt for the 1st time now it doesn't look like I will get to see the baby anytime in the next few days :( ````````````````````````

OP posts:
tallulah · 27/07/2011 19:56

I think it's a bit off not letting the new granny know before FB. My uncle had the same thing when photos of his first newborn grandson were on FB hours before any family had been sent any. I don't think my cousin meant anything by it either- just didn't think. Uncle was v upset.

From OPs most recent post sounds like this is going to be a family where mum's side get to see baby immediately while dad's side are left out of the loop. Not good for family relationships. (and altho I'd love to have done the same I did see that wasn't fair..)

CupcakesandTwunting · 27/07/2011 19:59

I sympathise.

I found out one of my uncles died by Facebook just now. Two of my chav cousins, who play out their entire fucking life on the god damn thing including relationship break-ups/pregnancies/cousins coming out of closets. Honestly, if I need to find anything out about my relatives, I only need to look on their newsfeed and WHAM there it is.

CupcakesandTwunting · 27/07/2011 20:00

Oops that made it sound like Facebook killed my uncle, "one of my uncles died by Facebook."

Ha ha I've just made myself chuckle there. Grin

titihood · 27/07/2011 20:01

I can understand that you would feel upset, but remember that everyone feels and copes differently after having a baby. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable having that many people over, and although her family are going over for a bbq, your own family are always different than your in-laws.
Also, being present on Facebook is not at all the same as having people over - I remember in the first 2-3 weeks after my son was born I was on Facebook quite regularly, but the thought of having people over was quite overwhelming!
I am sure they'll be inviting you over soon and it will all be water under the bridge.

prudaloo · 27/07/2011 20:01

But you ARE on Facebook, as her friend, yes? So you were included in the first news and first pictures.Why are you assuming she was putting up pics and messages which were not intended for you? It's not about you!

InstantAtom · 27/07/2011 20:09

But unless they had said to people that the first info would be on Facebook, how would anyone automatically know to look there?

ChunkyPickle · 27/07/2011 20:10

YABU - a note on FB (which you did see) is far easier than what would turn out to be a long phone call to various people

After ours was born I didn't call or tell anyone - I think the next day my dp escaped the hospital to find food and emailed out. We'd had 3 days of induction ending with EMCS and the very last thing on my mind was getting on a phone to update all the relatives (in whatever pecking order), let alone have visitors.

The baby isn't going to evaporate, and they're sleepy little sausages that just want their mum for the first few days (weeks) anyhow. Be gracious and wait to meet the new arrival until you're not imposing.

amIbeingdaft · 27/07/2011 20:12

People are being silly on this thread. Of course it's horrible to let your mother find out second hand that your child has been born. They are going to a family BBQ with her side but his side aren't even allowed to meet the baby? If one of my sons behaves like that in the future I'll be heartbroken. And as for not phoning in the middle of the night...well OK, you wouldn't phone all and sundry, but "You're a granny" is one thing I'd forgive someone for waking me up for!

OP, YANBU. Even if your brother didn't ring you, he should have let your mother know. One phonecall to each set of grandparents before the facebook update wouldn't have hurt.

skybluepearl · 27/07/2011 20:17

i think you are over reacting. with all the excitement they probabaly just wanted to let someone/anyone know last night and midnight was probably too late to ring. she probably wasn't on best form this morning and wanting to give baby all the attention - so 11am isn't so bad really.

ImperialBlether · 27/07/2011 20:18

I can't believe she's up for a BBQ on the day her baby was born!

People are so rude with Facebook. Some people do have a right to know before others - I would hate it if my children posted the birth of a grandchild on Facebook before telling me!

storytopper · 27/07/2011 20:39

YANBU OP. I'm old-fashioned enough to think that blood is thicker than water in these circumstances and that close family should be told the good news first. If your DB and SIL had decided to inform all friends/relatives through Facebook at the same time, they should have flagged that up to close relatives in advance - particularly your mother.

It is bad enough to favour one side of the family by taking the baby to a barbecue while ignoring the other side, but to flaunt it on Facebook is very mean and thoughtless.

utah · 27/07/2011 20:40

is you mum invited to the bbq if not then I think your brother needs to grow a pair tbh, is she also on the we will let you know when you can visit.

LouMou · 27/07/2011 20:42

Do you normally get on with your SIL?

This sounds like 1 of those threads where the Mother to be posts " AIBU to not let my evil MIL and SIL next or near to me after I give birth as they'll try to take over?"

Sit tight and let it wash by you, the baby isn't going anywhere you'll get to see them soon.

hairylights · 27/07/2011 20:51

Yabvu. It's up to them who (and when) they tell - perhaps your sil
Doesn't want you fussing around her. It's about her, not about you.

We won't tell people when I go into labour/hospital. We won't have in laws to visit straight away. We want some time to ourselves first. I don't imtend to have hospital visitors.

amIbeingdaft · 27/07/2011 21:21

Hairylights, will your parents not be allowed to visit either? Because your comment, "We won't have in laws to visit straight away." doesn't make sense. "We" don't have "in laws"- I have a family and my DH has a family.

Sandalwood · 27/07/2011 21:27

I can understand him not ringing at 1 or 2 in the morning. And then not getting it together to ring people until 11 in the morning.

LithaR · 27/07/2011 21:34

Lol this reminds me of my sister. She lives on FB so when i found out i was pregnant i warned my mum not to tell her.

I wanted to tell my dp first, but my mum told her and it ended up on my sisters status. I had to rush home to tell my dp before he saw it on fb.

herbietea · 27/07/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Eglu · 27/07/2011 21:39

YANBU. My DD (DC3) was born 4 weeks ago and all family and close friends had a text before it went on FB for the wider world.

DuelingFanjo · 27/07/2011 23:29

why have a go at your sil, surely it's your brother's responsibility to let you know - if he wants to, when he wants to.

Belltatrix · 27/07/2011 23:36

I'm so gladly children were born before Facebook was invented.
Don't understand why such personal info is given to all before close family are personally told .

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 27/07/2011 23:39

If I ever had another baby (unlikely) then I'd want my DC to know first then my DP's/his DP's. I'd leave it to the DP's to tell everyone else though. Once they had been told then I'd probably put it on FB, although not necessarily straight away.

snippywoo2 · 28/07/2011 00:00

Surely the first poeple you announce a birth to to is your family and then go on to tell friends. Sounds like your brothers and sil friends are more important to him than his own mother and siblings

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2011 00:01

Call me old-fashioned, but I'd have been pretty upset if the world knew about the birth of my dgc before I did.

hairylights · 28/07/2011 08:11

amibeingdaft it will depend. My sis and mum live 20 mins from hospital I will have just given birth and I might like to see them for ten minutes. My in laws live a long way away and I know won't want them bombarding me and out staying their visit - or staying with us (or nearby). We will want a
few days just us first.

Forgive me [rolleyes] but I am very close to my sister - but have only known sil two years and she has a tendency to be a little over bearing. My choice who I see.

And it will be up to me - I will be the one giving birth.

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