Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Found out about my niece on facebook!!

62 replies

ihaveforgottenmyname · 27/07/2011 15:20

I was doing my usual facebook check stalking when the laptop froze and when it was working again clicked onto SIL's page. Low and behold there was quite a few congratulations messages about her being in labour. This was at 8pm last night and she had been in hospital from lunchtime. My brother hadn't called obviously, I got up at 4am this morning with my 14 month old DS and had a quick check on her facebook Baby Girl arrived at 00.02 and still no call from my brother. Yes I am aware it is a exciting and busy time but to not call me or my mother is a bit hurtful especially when all of facebook knows! My brother did call eventually at 11am this morning with no details just to say it was a girl and they will visit us not us visit them!!! I am just so hurt that he is not letting us be part of this special time I have been so excited about being a Aunt for the 1st time now it doesn't look like I will get to see the baby anytime in the next few days :( ````````````````````````

OP posts:

Rubyx · 28/07/2011 08:23

YANBU
You are their aunty and it's your first neice ( i think you mentioned). We had one of my kids at 4am and rang his sister and my sis and mum there and then as they were excited at their nephew at the time even though it was my baby. It is lovely to have family involved.. Uncles and Aunts are a part of the family and are important. I had family helping to look after me as everyone comes as and when to visit after the first few days. I know people who have an appointment system, they could have invited you to the BBQ.. is there something more going on that we don't know about???

utah · 28/07/2011 08:25

hairylights you will be giving birth to your parnters child or have you only known him a few years so his feeling do not count either. I dont blame you for not wanting people around but why start a new life with this much hostility.

EightiesChick · 28/07/2011 08:29

YANBU! Can't believe everyone thinks it is so reasonable to communicate with your nearest and dearest via Facebook, or expect them to be permanently on it to hear any news! Believe it or not, not everyone is actually on fb (I'm not) and not everyone who is checks it often. Plus the stuff about it taking ages to ring/text everyone is just not the case. Once my DS was born, my DH was sent out after a little while for checks to be done on me and him (early arrival) and he made 2 phone calls, one to my mum and one to his mum, and then sent a standard text to other family and friends - typing one text and sending to multiple people is not going to take any longer than doing a status update. Yes, it's their baby, but they could easily have made a bit more effort to allow their family to share their happiness in a nice way.

Visiting can be trickier - but if close family had been informed properly and nicely, I bet they might actually feel better if asked to wait a few days before seeing the baby. As it is just looks like the parents are not bothered about involving them at all.

vividgingerchilli · 28/07/2011 08:30

I think it's a sign of this day and age that we find things out on facebook, I found out about two new cousins that way.
The only time I think it is really unacceptable is when it is a bereavement, I found out that my ex-MIL had died because I read it on facebook; it was OK for me to find out that way but if I had not seen it on DS's profile then he'd have found out that way because his cousin had posted an RIP message on there.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 28/07/2011 08:53

Op I understand how you feel, sometimes family dynamics change and things that were always important before change for sone people. I fully expect a similar thing when my first one is born soon too

melika · 28/07/2011 08:58

Maybe they should of said they would put it on fb. It's a new world isn't it?

I do have sympathy for you though. Had the same when BIL had twins. Were not allowed to visit. TBH have all interest in them. CBA.

melika · 28/07/2011 09:01

To be honest have lost all interest in them!

hairylights · 28/07/2011 09:04

Utah there is no hostility. My partner is fully supportive of the fact that it's my body and me giving birth - so in the first day or so I get to choose who we see and when if anyone. I definitely won't want my in laws (who I get on well with) travelling down to see the baby in the hospital - I will be exhausted and we both want that time to bond as a family.

I guess it doesn't help that my sil has already said "that's my baby" and referred to breastfeeding it! Over bearing much? It's my first baby - she's already had several!

Saying that we will let our family know before
facebook! But each to their own.

What I mean it is actually up to the parents how the news is broken

op had no "right" to be phoned.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 28/07/2011 09:07

I love FB but no way would any of my family announce something like this to all and sundry before telling close relatives. It's rude and fucking odd, no excuse for it. DD was announced on FB after family and close friends were told. And dc2 will be announced in the same way. I'd get a rocket up my arse for putting it there first and rightly so.

But I'm crying for all these poor new overwhelmed dads who have lost the use of their fingers after the birth and can only muster the strength to post a quick status update. Funny how they managed to pull it together before FB was invented...

QueenofDreams · 28/07/2011 09:14

I wouldn't announce birth on fb first. MIL was with me at both births. After DD was born she called my mum and let her know. I just left it to the grandparents to spread the news.

While I unserstand a new mum wanting space to bond and recover, I think it's very off to completely exclude one half of the family. so on that score I think yanbu.

BikeRunSki · 28/07/2011 09:17

Maybe they didn't want to ring you in the middle of the night. FB is silent!

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 28/07/2011 09:17

YANBU - you poor thing. I found out exactly the same thing and for all the people who say 'ah well you'll see the baby soon' it does make you feel robbed when you have been really excited.

Sadly, my SiL as well as being a bit barking is also successfully detaching my DB from his family. My nephew is 18months and I have not yet been allowed to visit.

Bang went all my hopes about being really good friends and cousins playing together (something that was important to us as kids as we only ever had each other).

Flip

1 2 3