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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge or not-looking after niece/nephew

68 replies

happy2bhomely · 12/07/2011 09:59

I am a SAHM. I have offered to look after my sister's baby when she returns to work. I gather from researching the 'net that as we are family, I do not need to be registered. I am happy to do this for free. I am at home anyway and will enjoy the extra time with my Niece. They will struggle if they have to pay for nursery. They are not entitled to help from tax credits. They have offered to pay me £10/day. A nursery would cost £45/day. AIBU to accept this, or should I insist that I don't want paying? My DH thinks I should take it. (I don't want to be a registered child minder)

OP posts:
lachesis · 12/07/2011 10:02

Take the money.

squeakytoy · 12/07/2011 10:03

Accept it. It will cover any additional costs that you incur during the day, and there are sure to be some.

piahigsy · 12/07/2011 10:04

How often are you looking after your niece? I dont think you are unfair in taking it. I can understand why you feel you dont want paying, but you are basically taking the role of a child minder which is hard work! So i think the token gesture of a tenner a day is fine.

RitaMorgan · 12/07/2011 10:05

Take the money - there will be little extra expenses involved.

Ragwort · 12/07/2011 10:06

At the very least you will have additional expenses .... especially as she gets older. Do think this through very carefully as it can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings/resentment in the future. Are you having her 5 days a week? What if you are ill/want to go out for the day/are on holiday etc etc etc How will you feel if your sister is spending money on nights out/new clothes/holidays etc etc and you are providing 'free' childcare. It may not bother you - but do think about all those sorts of things. Can your sister do any 'return favours' for you?

Original poster
happy2bhomely · 12/07/2011 10:07

It will be for 4 days a week.

OP posts:
sweetness86 · 12/07/2011 10:07

I would take it you will be feeding her everyday etc take the money.

lateatwork · 12/07/2011 10:08

I would take the money. I think its really lovely of you to offer to have your niece. Your sister is very lucky and your niece too to be looked after by a loving auntie. The money will, as others have said, pay for any additional expenses you may incur (going out for lunch, a coffee, taking a bus ride to a special park etc) so you wont be out of pocket. That is how I would look at it as I would be worried about accepting payment too.

EverythingInMiniature · 12/07/2011 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesprouts · 12/07/2011 10:11

id take the money i looked after my nephew and i got money from my sister

itisnearlysummer · 12/07/2011 10:14

Take the money. That way you won't be out of pocket if you take the baby to mum and baby groups/swimming etc. and you won't end up feeling resentful at extra costs you incur.

Original poster
happy2bhomely · 12/07/2011 10:17

Ragwort- I have thought about it and have spoken to sister and brother-in-law about each others expectations. I have 4 children of my own. I've spoken to them about it too! My DH works full time but it is not financially viable for me to work until our children are all in school, (only 2 are atm) I would have loved to have the kind of support that I am offering and I'm just trying to make their lives easier. If they have money left to have fun with then even better! We have agreed that I will kind of 'commit' to one year at a time and give them 3 months notice if I don't want to continue iyswim? If baby is sick, they will stay home. If I'm sick-they have back up.

OP posts:
Original poster
happy2bhomely · 12/07/2011 10:20

Thanks everyone. I think I will accept the money. I think you're right that my sis might feel guilty if I don't take it-so seeing as this is meant to be for her benefit, I should do what she wants I guess! I'm quite looking forward to it!

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 12/07/2011 10:35

By taking the money, it puts a commitment on both of you, which is positive.

Ragwort · 12/07/2011 10:41

happy - that sounds great that you have discussed it so thoroughly with your sister - hope it works out for you all Smile.

skybluepearl · 12/07/2011 10:47

the ten pounds will only cover basic costs - visits to play groups, food, soft play, cafe visits, equipment, petrol. I don't actually think it's enough though. They should at least give you 20

Fuzzled · 12/07/2011 10:49

Might I suggest that you also get these agreements written down to prevent any misunderstandings?
Not that I'm saying things will go wrong, but at least it will give you something to check back on if there is a problem. It can also be amended if things change.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/07/2011 10:51

are there not rules about being an informal childminder though? (not saying I agree with them but I think there are..others will know better than me)

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 12/07/2011 10:51

£20 per day would be fair. £10 is too little.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/07/2011 11:02

from a council website, about childminding:

"It is illegal for an unregistered person to look after children aged under eight for reward - do not use an unregistered childminder. Informal agreements between families and friends are acceptable as long there is no 'reward' exchanged."

Just thought you should know.

BikeRunSki · 12/07/2011 11:07

But £10 is not really reward, it is expenses. But I see you point Fanjo. To be above board maybe OP should keep swimming/play centre etc reciepts and records of mileage driven with DNiece.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/07/2011 11:12

yes, I just wanted her to be aware Smile

lemmein · 12/07/2011 11:15

Informal agreements between families and friends are acceptable as long there is no 'reward' exchanged

The council should keep their bloody noses out of things that don't concern them!! Who are they to say its 'acceptable without reward'? Bloody cheek!

I would think carefully OP. I look after my 2DNs twice a week and find it hard work and wish I'd never started to be honest (and I don't have any LOs of my own). Love them to bits, and have a much closer bond with them than I would have otherwise but it limits me massively. I wouldn't do it again for anybody else.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/07/2011 11:20

it's actually illegal, not just a council decision I think, they just posted the info on their website.

glassescase · 12/07/2011 11:23

I think £10 a day would be considered expenses; petrol/entrance fees etc. Are you providing the food? Maybe keep a record of extra costs you actually incur and review with your sister every six months or so. I would feel quite guilty if someone ninded my DC for nothing, so allow her to pay you. Sounds as though you have thought it all through; I wish I had such a caring and helpful sister!