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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To charge or not-looking after niece/nephew

68 replies

happy2bhomely · 12/07/2011 09:59

I am a SAHM. I have offered to look after my sister's baby when she returns to work. I gather from researching the 'net that as we are family, I do not need to be registered. I am happy to do this for free. I am at home anyway and will enjoy the extra time with my Niece. They will struggle if they have to pay for nursery. They are not entitled to help from tax credits. They have offered to pay me £10/day. A nursery would cost £45/day. AIBU to accept this, or should I insist that I don't want paying? My DH thinks I should take it. (I don't want to be a registered child minder)

OP posts:

sweetness86 · 12/07/2011 22:15

Gosh cant believe people are bringing the law etc into this !

OP just take the money its daily expenses anyway . Theres always someone on these threads nit picking mind your own!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/07/2011 22:32

Sweetness86 , I first mentioned it and said many times it was just to make OP aware.

WTF do you mean 'mind your own' anyway? She asked for our opinions.

mumeeee · 12/07/2011 22:38

As they've offered I would except the money.

GiddyPickle · 12/07/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TIDDLYMUM · 12/07/2011 22:46

My sister did this for me 12 years ago. I paid her but not a lot. She was at home with her own baby. I will be eternally grateful to her. We help each other out now with babysitting, holiday minding etc and our kids have grown up like brothers and sisters.

You are a lovely kind person just like my sister xx

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 13/07/2011 05:10

I also think you should take the money. Have you discussed holidays? Presumably you will do things during school holidays like farm visits or indoor play centres, so make sure she will reimburse those costs too. Your kids should not miss out on things because of this child. You should also discuss when they will take holidays to give you a break and have contact with your own family.

janey68 · 13/07/2011 07:40

While I can understand your feelings, I think you are wrong to just ignore legislation. It is there for a very important reason - to regulate childcare. Also, an extra £40 a week cash in hand may not mean you are starting to pay tax, or have any benefit reductions, BUT the point is that in a sense it's not your decision to make. Even teenagers with a Saturday job go on the payroll and have a tax code - at the end of the day, you are accepting remuneration for a job done and should go through the correct process. It will put pressure on your sister to not be able to tell friends and colleagues about her childcare arrangements.
I also think taking it on a year at a time with a 3 months notice period is way too long. You don't yet know how your family will respond to having a baby around, or indeed how you might feel. If you have been at home for a long time not working i can see this might appeal, but you might find it restricting in ways you cant yet predict.
I DO think your sister should pay btw, as this is too important a job to be done on the cheap, but I think this sounds a situation fraught with potential difficulties tbh

celebmum · 13/07/2011 08:33

Hi OP, my sister and I have pretty much the exact same set up, I went back to work in jan when DS was 9months. Sister has him twice a week for 5hrs (occasionally 3times a week depending on my rota days) and I pay her £10 a day 'expenses'. I also provide nappies, dinner, car seat etc
She has 3DC, 2 older at school and one slightly younger than DS so I bought a double buggy for her to use on these mornings too.
I find our situation works perfectly, we have a good enough relationship to say so if either of us felt otherwise, I'm happy with her parenting style as afterall she has raised 3DC!

I say go for it, accept the money and be happy that you have found a situation that enabled everyone to benefit.

tabulahrasa · 13/07/2011 09:21

I looked after my nephew when my sister went back to work, I can't remember off the top of my head, (he's 9 now) but I think she gave me about £20 a week, she was part time though.

It helped make it a bit more of a business arrangement in my head, so that for days when it was a bit of a hassle or if my BIL was a bit late picking him up I could think, well it's ok, I get paid for it, lol.

It worked really well, we both have fairly similar parenting styles, he could play with my DD who is 18 months older than him and now DN and my children are really close, I and DP have a good relationship with him and when I went to uni it made perfect sense for my sister to look after my children after school in a similar arrangement.

I wouldn't look after a random child like that, but he's my nephewand I was helping my sister...

Original poster

happy2bhomely · 13/07/2011 11:14

Thanks again everyone-just wanted to say that I appreciate everyone's opinions. I wouldn't have asked on here if I didn't want a range of views!

It does bother me that I would be 'earning' and not declaring it. We do receive some tax credits and I don't like the idea of receiving more than we are entitled to......It's so bloody complicated! It just seems ridiculous to go through the hassle of registering(our local council are not offering the training atm because the borough is over run with childminders with not enough kids on their books apparently!) I only want to look after 1 baby! What if I looked after baby at their home? Could I register as some sort of nanny so it's all above board?

I don't want to do anything underhand-I'm not doing it for the money.....I'm just trying to help, but I obviously don't want to get anyone in trouble! I definitely don't want to have to tell my kids that they mustn't tell anyone we look after baby in case someone reports me!!!

FGS, Why does it have to be so complicated?-The government should encourage this kind of arrangement. Don't get me wrong, I know that nurseries and childminders are needed and of course there should be checks etc, but surely lots of people would prefer their (especially young) babies to be looked after by family if it is at all possible. So many mums at the school leave their younger children with Grand Parents, I really didn't think it would be such a big deal!

OP posts:

Crazybit · 13/07/2011 12:04

Ok why don't you just save the money and then ytreat your family and dsis to a day out with it every year. Simplest.

You're a fab sister, wish you was mine.

TIDDLYMUM · 14/07/2011 22:57

hear hear crazy bit as previous post. xx

alew · 14/07/2011 23:14

fanjo- It's on my council website too

Tryharder · 14/07/2011 23:24

I don't think the money is payment. Payment would be an hourly rate and something akin to the £45 charged by a "real" childminder. The £10 will cover the extra food, trips out, etc etc....

CocoPopsAddict · 14/07/2011 23:24

Illegal? Why? I mean, so what if I wanted to give my mum or sister a bit of money if they looked after my DC? It isn't anyone else's business.

MissVerinder · 14/07/2011 23:31

The rules are clear (and unfair), and probably a government conspiracy to keep women at home instead of at work, you know doing stuff.

Your sister sounds lovely. Accept her offer and see how it goes.

My lovely sisters looked after my DD while I was at work, it all went really well.

RitaMorgan · 15/07/2011 07:37

You don't need to be registered as a childminder to care for close relatives, and you won't pay tax in £50 a week. I'd just consider it expenses.

Ofsted are not going to be the slightest bit interested in an aunt caring for a neice/nephew.

SkipToTheEnd · 15/07/2011 07:49

I'm in the same situation - I watch my nephew.

I'd take the money to cover expenses but it can lead to more problems.

My SIL offered it to me but rarely pays it. I find it difficult to ask for it to be honest.

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