Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the groom why

73 replies

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 02/07/2011 00:03

We are going to a wedding tomorrow. One of our friends isn't invited. She has been very close friends with the groom for about 16 years. To be fair, they did end up in bed once, many years ago, but that is well and truly in the past. She is entirely not in any way a threat (to anyone, DH and her have been close in the past too, she has since become one of my closest friends). All* of the others from their group of friends are going. Even people she introduced him to recently, who neither bride nor groom know well. It is a big wedding, so not a numbers thing.
They really are good friends. They live near each other, and see each other at least once a week, socially. They've talked at length about the wedding, and she gets on well with the bride.

Either it's the sex thing or an honest mistake. Either way, she's desperately hurt, and I'd really like to know what it's all about. Would it be unreasonable to ask him?

OP posts:
lisad123 · 02/07/2011 00:04

its none of your bussiness, if she wants to know shes an adult, she can ask

JeremyVile · 02/07/2011 00:04

On his wedding day???

Does it really matter?

FabbyChic · 02/07/2011 00:05

I don't think you should be asking on his wedding day.

LouMou · 02/07/2011 00:05

Yes it would be unreasonable to ask him on his wedding day why he's not inviting someone. A quiet word after the fact maybe, but not on the day.

worraliberty · 02/07/2011 00:08

YABU you nosey cow! (Let us know when you find out though!) Grin

It's down to her to ask him...not you and certainly not on his wedding day.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 02/07/2011 00:10

No not on the wedding day!

She won't ask because she's too nice. It matters because she's really upset.

OP posts:
thursday · 02/07/2011 00:11

how well do you know the groom? i'd have asked before now tbh if he was a friend, and if i was her i would have asked by now too. you're all grown ups it shouldn't be difficult. i wouldn't be asking on the wedding day though, bit pointless and shit stirry.

BluddyMoFo · 02/07/2011 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thesunshinesbrightly · 02/07/2011 00:15

I would not like my partners ex shag buddy at my wedding.

JeremyVile · 02/07/2011 00:15

She didn't get an invite, she'll just have to get over it.
Dont think anyone has the right to question someone over who they choose to invite to their wedding.
Would make her seem weird and clingy IMO, and if you were to do the asking it would make you look like a right old busybody.

Tbh, I'm just waiting for you to suggest that it's all down to the bride being a jealous caaaaah...

Original poster
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 02/07/2011 00:15

Grin MoFo!

He's DH's best mate. DH will ask, I'd like to avoid that, tact isn't his thing.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/07/2011 00:15

butt out none of your business.stop speculating and shit stirring

fit2drop · 02/07/2011 00:15

Why have you not asked sooner, presumably the wedding has taken time weeks months to plan , therefore the friend has had ample time to ask .
Why decide to ask on his wedding day.

The question has been left a long time , a bit longer is not going to matter.

Cocoflower · 02/07/2011 00:15

The more I hear about weddings the more I despise them. My own was to stressful in the run-up to be the 'best day of my life'.

It seems like nothing but a chance to hurt and divide people half the time.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 02/07/2011 00:17

Presumably the invitations were sent out some weeks/months ago which has allowed plenty of time for concerned individuals to have raised the apparent oversight with the happy couple?

More pertinently, if she's good friends with the bride and groom and socialises with them on a regular basis, why hasn't she asked them?

As advised, tomorrow is not the day to raise this matter with the groom or any other member of the wedding party, or to refer to it when conversing with any other guest.

After the confetti has been recycled, and the honeymoon is well and truly over, perhaps a question won't go amiss but, frankly, it will be a done deal and what would be the point?

AgentZigzag · 02/07/2011 00:18

The reason will probably come out with the fullness of time.

Not something I'd be casually throwing into a conversation.

If she's that upset she could overcome her niceness and ask him herself?

Original poster
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 02/07/2011 00:18

No, I understand why she might not have been invited, I would feel a bit odd about it too, but he should have explained to her. She's his friend.

Invites only came out quite recently, she assumed hers had been waylaid, but no...

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/07/2011 00:19

It's people cocoflower, they just don't get on Grin

Original poster
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 02/07/2011 00:20

Just to reiterate, I wouldn't ask tomorrow!

OP posts:
takethisonehereforastart · 02/07/2011 00:21

Has she asked you to ask?

worraliberty · 02/07/2011 00:22

You could always ask at the point where they say "Does anyone know of any lawful reason why they shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony"

You know...just for effect Grin

Cocoflower · 02/07/2011 00:22

Weddings bring out the worst in people.
I regret not doing the 10 people only wedding. I really do!

fit2drop · 02/07/2011 00:23

bloody hell ........not that I knew then that he had shagged em....just thinking about it now made me realise if we had not asked my ex's shag buddies to the wedding, his side of the church would have been emptyHmm

Cocoflower · 02/07/2011 00:24

By the way OP how likely do you think it is the shagging in the past thing?

How do her and the bride get on normally?

Original poster
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 02/07/2011 00:24

She hasn't asked me to ask directly, but I asked if she wanted me to and she said yes. I think though, I'll leave it and try and explain to her what I think the reasons are.

I think he might have been right to not invite her tbh, but he should have said so and explained. She feels snubbed and strung along.

OP posts: