To ask the groom why

[LoopyLoopsBettyBoops]

We are going to a wedding tomorrow. One of our friends isn't invited. She has been very close friends with the groom for about 16 years. To be fair, they did end up in bed once, many years ago, but that is well and truly in the past. She is entirely not in any way a threat (to anyone, DH and her have been close in the past too, she has since become one of my closest friends). All* of the others from their group of friends are going. Even people she introduced him to recently, who neither bride nor groom know well. It is a big wedding, so not a numbers thing.
They really are good friends. They live near each other, and see each other at least once a week, socially. They've talked at length about the wedding, and she gets on well with the bride.

Either it's the sex thing or an honest mistake. Either way, she's desperately hurt, and I'd really like to know what it's all about. Would it be unreasonable to ask him?

fiancée might have vetoed, understandably

Why would he be right not to invite her? Does she still have feelings for him?

I wouldn't just tell her why you think it is though, not if you haven't asked him. You could be completely wrong and she might get the wrong end of the stick with you instead.

invites come from the bride's family IIRC so strictly speaking she ought to quiz mother of the bride

[tongue firmly in cheek]

youre being played like a fiddle
i said/she said gossip
be more measured,dont get involved

It's possible that if you did ask, it might make you look like you're shit stirring if you handed the info on to your friend, because you'd be deliberately seeking the answer rather than it coming up naturally in conversation.

I can't see his wife to be feeling OK with it as it seems obvious (to me) that if he's such great friends with your mate it must have been the brides decision/choice not to invite her.

Unless you're not bothered what she thinks of you and there's more to this than meets the eye?

No, she definitely doesn't have that kind of feelings for him. He's right because it might upset the bride or make her feel uncomfortable.

As worra's suggested, there is a specific point in the wedding ceremony for the raising of vexed 'ishoos' .

When the parson intones 'If any person here can show cause why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace' your DH can saunter down the aisle holding his piece and no doubt a favourable answer will be forthcoming.

Maybe everybody's friend should be on standby in the vestry although, at such late notice, she may have to forego a place on the top table and a slice of cake.

Snap fit2drop

get a grip why you so het about about who shagged whom and when
this girl is manipulating you to mix things up
be a good guest.smile.eat.dance.and dont discuss the groom fucking her

I like the bride and don't want to upset her. She's lovely, and has turned a particularly womanising man into a nice guy.
I'll keep out of it. Still sad for my friend though. It's not often that the whole group get together, I understand why she's upset.

look,step back,mind your beak and stop what ifs

are you reading the right page, scottishmummy?

i don't get it really, if they're good friends and he sees her every week, then the nearlywife can't have too much of a problem with her, shirley? i'd be gutted if i were her, i'd feel a right tool.

yep,you're easily worked up by friends tittle tattle
do calm down

turned a particularly womanising man into a nice guy

looks at izzywizzy

theres gonna be another snap coming soon from this bride pretty soon dontchya think

'and has turned a particularly womanising man into a nice guy'... oh dear

Who's holding the book, and what are the current odds on 3 years?

What are you looking at moi for, fit2drop

we is psychic and connected innit

we certainly is

I think you've been quite calm Loops, you've not called anyone a twat yet

That's calmness personified on MN.

izzywhizzy
all I need now is for you to tell me he was called dave and I am gonna freak out

g'night ladies

Freak not, fit - no daves in my back catalogue

Exactly what tact is required, oi groom you've not invited x how come? Well XYZ. Easy! I really think your idea of 'tact' would turn this into a big deal.

Well, I feel quite calm!

I guess I was hoping it was a mistake. We didn't invite a friend and his GF (now wife) to our wedding, not v close friend but part of a group, purely because we forgot him. (From DH's uni friends, I did the invites). He was offended, friends all knew and wondered but no-one asked. We were both mortified when we realised, after the wedding, and wished someone had said something, then they could have been invited in time.

That said, I don't think it's the case here.

Anyhow, better get ready for the festivities...

Surely someone has a +1 to spare? Just because the couple have decided not to invite someone I dont think thats a reason for them not to turn up anyway

I really wouldn't ask. In fact I'd steer well clear of this. Of course your friend is upset - no one wants to be left out, but I think it's obviously because the bride feels uneasy with her new husbands old shag buddy being at their wedding.

Not sure how the groom could have a conversation with said friend without it being very awkward and possibly disloyal to his new wife. New wife would come across as paranoid or just mean. It's impossible for you to know whether your friend still has feelings for the groom and the bride is aware of this, or whether she really is just uncomfortable with the idea of exes being present.

All that will happen if you ask, is that you will bring a heap of bad feeling onto yourself. The groom is probably just hoping all this will just go away and no doubt his friendship with your mutual friend will fizzle out when he is married. Nothing like not being invited to a close mates wedding (when everyone else was invited) to make you go off someone. She is collateral damage to the groom.