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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the groom why

73 replies

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 02/07/2011 00:03

We are going to a wedding tomorrow. One of our friends isn't invited. She has been very close friends with the groom for about 16 years. To be fair, they did end up in bed once, many years ago, but that is well and truly in the past. She is entirely not in any way a threat (to anyone, DH and her have been close in the past too, she has since become one of my closest friends). All* of the others from their group of friends are going. Even people she introduced him to recently, who neither bride nor groom know well. It is a big wedding, so not a numbers thing.
They really are good friends. They live near each other, and see each other at least once a week, socially. They've talked at length about the wedding, and she gets on well with the bride.

Either it's the sex thing or an honest mistake. Either way, she's desperately hurt, and I'd really like to know what it's all about. Would it be unreasonable to ask him?

OP posts:
Omigawd · 02/07/2011 11:47

In my experience this is usually a bride not wanting her groom's old fucks around.

heleninahandcart · 02/07/2011 14:27

Its not a mistake. This has happened to me twice Shock. I understood but would have appreciated being told directly rather than the humiliation of not being told and then having to work it out as it slowly dawned on me. He lived abroad so it was 25 years before I met up with the first one in person and had it out with him then! We are still friends.

Its up to the friend to approach the groom once the wedding is over although I suggest a little quicker than I did. The wedding is not the place for anyone to ask.

fit2drop · 03/07/2011 20:45

just popped back for update , being nosey like Blush

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 03/07/2011 20:58

I like your thinking fit2drop

superjobeespecs · 03/07/2011 21:05

aw that is sad hope its not the bride being all suspicious that'd be sad on their wedding day :(

for our wedding we've left out half of both our familys cos they're all shit because we want a small wedding and seriously they are proper shit

M0naLisa · 03/07/2011 21:12

did you mention or did she turn up lol

Original poster
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 03/07/2011 21:46

I didn't ask, nor did DH but a few others (3 I think, all men!) did. It wasn't a mistake and he had no idea how much it upset her.

Good wedding though. :) Wine

OP posts:
superjobeespecs · 03/07/2011 21:56

aw what a bum :( poor woman i'd be petty and not invite his mrs to my wedding when its her turn lol but im a coo that way Grin

ihatecbeebies · 03/07/2011 21:57

Did he say why he didn't invite her?

ThisIsJustASagaNow · 03/07/2011 22:12

Argh..please tell us why. I've just read the whole thread. I must know..Grin

(mentally bets it was the bride)

fit2drop · 03/07/2011 22:27

no idea how much it upset her..

erm was this not a "good close friend" for 16 years.Hmm

What did he expect her to say.... "yeah ok I dont mind being forgotten about to make room for that mate you met on holiday in Turkey once and promised to keep in touch with." Hmm

He's an arse, if she truly is a close friend and his "wife" has no problem with her, then the way he has treated her is more than a bit shabby .

However if its cos the "wife" does have a problem because they ended up in bed , once , years ago then he needs to find his wife a nice councellor cos married to a twat like him the poor insecure girl is gonna need it .

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 03/07/2011 22:52

HmmmHmm

The groom may claim to have no idea how much upset it would cause your mutual friend to be omitted from his wedding guest list, but somene sure did.

If the book's still open I'm willing to put good money on less than 2 years.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 03/07/2011 23:05

No idea if it were the bride or groom (I had assumed groom and think blaming it on the bride is a bit harsh really).
But yes, agree he is an arse, of course it was going to upset her, even though I do understand why it might have been tricky to invite her.

On a positive note, she had a brilliant night out elsewhere. :)

OP posts:
fit2drop · 04/07/2011 00:28

izzywhizzy

Why for the change in odds? it was 3 years in your other post.

ok fess up , what you found out that I don't know about Grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 04/07/2011 01:41

Yep, it's gone down to 2 years 'cause I reckon it was the bride that did the dirty - and she's given Mr Leopard an excuse to instigate the first post-nuptial row so that he can pad off to have his coat stroked elsewhere.

I did wonder whether he had it off with one of the bridesmaids on Saturday - but that maybe because I recently watched The Godfather for the umpteenth time Grin

Omigawd · 04/07/2011 01:45

@izzywizzy statistically thecearly divorces are within 2 years, and this one has all the signs :)

fit2drop · 04/07/2011 01:48

But we is not cynical is we. no sireee not us Grin

or

Michael: Ah, that little farce you played with my sister. You think that would fool a Corleone?
Carlo Rizzi: Mike, I'm innocent. I swear on the kids.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 04/07/2011 01:48

Looks like I'm going to be quids in then Omigawd Grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 04/07/2011 01:53

Once I've got my mitts on the winnings fit it'll be Wine all round, and then I'm off to Sicily to set up a small and discreet olive oil business.

pingu2209 · 04/07/2011 07:52

On the basis you describe i am sure it isn't a mistake. There will be a reason. Whether that reason is reasonable in your opinion is nothing to do with you.

spookshowangel · 04/07/2011 08:18

understandable??? so the bride is nice to the girl all the rest of the time, they seem to get on and have built some kind of relationship if what op's posts have said is right but because she and the groom once had sex before they even met. she is left out from the celebrations when relative strangers are invited and now feels marginalised and upset justifiably i think if her and the groom are very close. groom needed to grow a pair and stand up for his friend if that was really the only reason she was not able to come because i think it was really unfair and rather cruel. the least he could have done was explain it to her groom sounds like a total coward all round.

spookshowangel · 04/07/2011 08:25

just read the second page and my awful punctuation. fair play to her for going out. he really is a total knob i agree its obviously going to be a match made in heaven. did he really say he did realise how much it would upset her ?

x2boys · 04/07/2011 08:29

well actually something similar happened to me somebody i have known for years and once had a drunken fling was getting married at another social occasion hewaswith his fiancee and kept bringing up our liasion not too discreetly [iwas trying to ignore him]his fiancee then invited everybody there [a smallish group of old friends and aquaintances] to their wedding apart from me he did make a point of trying to include me but i never got an invite [everybody else did] and i dont blame her i would have felt uncomfortable as would she

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